Change is not easy. It is often painful. And change for the better can happen so subtly that you might not even realize it has happened until you react differently to one of the same old situations.
The buttons that normally get pushed are no longer there. The reactions of frustration, defensiveness, anger, and worry, don’t rise up. These low-frequency energies that used to rear their ugly heads like clockwork to certain situations, are gone. The ties that used to bind, have been cut.
What a pleasant, calm, wonderful, and even giddy realization it is, when my son can have a total meltdown over his having to do homework, and I notice that the old trigger in me is gone. The first time I noticed this, I literally laughed out loud. My poor little man was so confused. On the one hand, he was deep in his own world of anger, panic and fear, waiting for Mom to get frustrated. But seeing Mom bust out laughing made him laugh a bit too.
As deeply as a person can know that an injury is healed because the pain is gone, I knew in that instant that I am changed for the better.