Once again, I find myself in a very uncomfortable state. I know that it will not always be like this. But right now, in the moment,
it sucks it’s very tough. I had thought that by the time I left my parents, and their situation, everything would be resolved and in a good place. Well, in some ways it is. But, in one very real way, it’s not.
And now I find myself feeling completely responsible for the one thing that is not good. So, lately, I’ve been questioning why I am assuming all sorts of responsibility, when it’s not mine to claim. In fact, given the circumstances of having the unexpected and unplanned for thing happen, I did the best I could. And in all honesty, I did damn well. The only adjustment needs to be a reality check for my parents: in home care for 2 people who can no longer care for themselves is very expensive. And if there is no long-term care insurance, it’s brutal. So, here we sit.
What will unfold during the next few months is anyone’s guess. Some adjustments will likely be made. But I need to let go of any guilt or misplaced responsibilities in the meantime. A reality check for myself, in the way of a call to a wiser cousin (who’s been there and done that), let me know that the care that I arranged for my parents is top-notch, and is within normal costs. Her point of view was very helpful for me.
What I am learning is that life can change in the blink of an eye, in ways you never expect. And, a shift in perspective can be the difference between turmoil and peace.