State of Flux

Once again, I find myself in a very uncomfortable state. I know that it will not always be like this. But right now, in the moment, it sucks it’s very tough. I had thought that by the time I left my parents, and their situation, everything would be resolved and in a good place. Well, in some ways it is. But, in one very real way, it’s not.

And now I find myself feeling completely responsible for the one thing that is not good. So, lately, I’ve been questioning why I am assuming all sorts of responsibility, when it’s not mine to claim. In fact, given the circumstances of having the unexpected and unplanned for thing happen, I did the best I could. And in all honesty, I did damn well. The only adjustment needs to be a reality check for my parents: in home care for 2 people who can no longer care for themselves is very expensive. And if there is no long-term care insurance, it’s brutal. So, here we sit.

What will unfold during the next few months is anyone’s guess. Some adjustments will likely be made. But I need to let go of any guilt or misplaced responsibilities in the meantime. A reality check for myself, in the way of a call to a wiser cousin (who’s been there and done that), let me know that the care that I arranged for my parents is top-notch, and is within normal costs. Her point of view was very helpful for me.

What I am learning is that life can change in the blink of an eye, in ways you never expect. And, a shift in perspective can be the difference between turmoil and peace.

About mariner2mother

I'm a mother of a creative 20 year old son, a former merchant ship's deck officer, and a wife. To feed my creative side I take photos. I am also Reiki attuned and am a student of Energy Healing, having used several healing modalities to work on myself and my family. My most recent adventure has me navigating a very challenging Kundalini Awakening.
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4 Responses to State of Flux

  1. I’ll be thinking of you and your family, Sue. Good to know you have your cousin to help you through these painful decisions. I know I will be at the same point very soon with my mother.

    • I so wish my parents had long term care insurance. Unless a family member can take them in (or unless they have nothing and no money), end of life care can take everything they have, and then some.

  2. Karen says:

    You have done a great job providing for your parents. They are lucky that you were able to make the arrangements you have. The reality is that it is time for them to be in assisted living and you have made it possible for them to be in their own home. Continue to reassure yourself. As always, prayers are with you.

  3. Thanks Karen. What I have learned about assisted living, is that my father is too sick for it. He’d have to be right into a nursing home; whereas my mom could be in assisted living (and likely will be, if she survives my father). And assisted living in their area at a reputable facility is about $9k a month.

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