How Do I Help Him?

I’m the mother. I’m supposed to fix things, help my son, teach him how to help himself, and stuff like that. But this morning, I was at my end. To give you a little background, my son has Sensory Processing Disorder, has a little bit of ADD, a touch of anxiety from time to time, and is very, very sensitive. His life is a little bit of a challenge for him, and more of a challenge for me.

This morning, just as it was time to go to school, he was in the bathroom, complaining of being backed up. After giving him enough time that he was going to be just a little bit tardy for school, my stress amped up. I had plans with a girlfriend to go do some shopping that we needed to do, have a cup of tea, and visit. We have a standing date the third Wednesday of every month when the kids are in school.

The kid was making no progress, and my attempts to help him were met with anxious choruses of, “No, it will sting and burn and hurt!” I tried on several occasions, with no success. I bobbed and weaved like Muhammad Ali, first being compassionate and understanding, followed by temper welling up in me, wanting to strong-arm him. After my girlfriend got to the house, I had had enough. I finally laid down the law- “You are getting your stuff, getting in my car, and going to school!” This command was met with tears and anguish.

I held my ground firmly, until I was sitting in the car, engine on, waiting for my little man to get in. He wouldn’t. He stood, just outside the car, a mess of tears, talking about how he can’t take it (school) anymore. The things he was saying without saying them were more like, “I can’t take it (life) anymore. And if you keep making me go to school, it will kill me inside.” He cries about having to go to school every other day, and then some; but something about this moment told me to stop pushing and let him stay home. I did.

He is a wonderfully creative, caring, and capable child; but he is not designed for the way our school system teaches kids en mass. And, unfortunately, I am not in a position to home school him. Switching schools isn’t the answer, because all the schools around here teach pretty much the same way. I think, maybe, working with either a psychologist or an occupational therapist (to help with sensory issues) would help. I don’t know.

How do you explain to an eight year old that they just have to suck it up and endure this torture, when it should not be torture for them?

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About mariner2mother

I'm a mother of a very spirited 14 year old son, and a former merchant ship's deck officer. To feed my creative side I take photos and make a very occasional batch of soap. I am also Reiki attuned and am a student of Energy Healing, having used several healing modalities to work on myself and my family.
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6 Responses to How Do I Help Him?

  1. Lenore Diane says:

    M2M, I wish I had answers. Life is so challenging when one is ‘challenge free’. Add any type of challenge, and well – it’s tough. Really tough. Day by day – step by step – inch by inch. In the meantime, see if he’ll eat applesauce every day. Yes, applesauce.

    • Thankfully, with as picky an eater as this kid is, he loves apples and applesauce. When he was little, I learned that pears are even better than apples for keeping things moving- so he eats pears every day. I just got careless and lazy the past few days and wasn’t watching his diet enough. I think his being backed up, sends him into a bigger tailspin than I realized. If this happens again, it will be a no brainer for me: mental health day off for the kid.

  2. I certainly feel for you, Sue! That has got to be incredibly difficult for you. As his mom, you just want him to be happy. I assume the issues at school that he’s having aren’t being addressed by the teacher? Are there any other ways or methods where your son’s anxiety can be reduced so he can start to enjoy going to school again? What about school specifically does he tell you bothers him? I certainly can relate a little with my son. I am sorry you are going through such a challenge.

  3. I see his issues with school coming from sensory problems that are not being addressed (loses focus, then gets lost and shuts down), and the fact that this kid is soooo sensitive (majorly clairsentient). Going to get him with a physical therapist that actually worked with him at school when he was in first grade. I’ll take him to her outside of school, and she’ll work on the sensory diet piece that I think he needs (I know that’s an OT thing, but this gal does it too). He also absorbs all the energies from everyone in his classroom, and it overwhelms him. Been trying to teach him about grounding himself to help with that, but he’s not too interested. Had an amazing healer do a session on him several months ago- might be time for another one (this guy works out of Texas- but this kind of work can be done by distance). Finally, going to have my new doc do the same food sensitivity test on him (blood test) that I had. I need to know if he’s having trouble because of certain categories of food. (When he was a baby, he couldn’t tolerate cow’s milk- but today, he’s my cheese and pasta kid).

    And conferences with his teacher are in a week. I’ll have a bunch of stuff written down, so that she fully understands things to do to support him, and what to not do (because they traumatize him). She’s a little bit hard on the kids, but does understand that my guy does try.

  4. Whoa, that is very interesting about his cow’s milk intolerance. My son was actually very allergic (I was told that was a rare thing, as opposed to intolerant? not sure if this is true…) He had to be put on Allimentum formula because he was vomiting all the other formulas (we tried everything under the sun) and had severe reflux issues growing up. I wonder if my son’s diet need to be looked at. Hmm.

    • I am taking the kiddo to my naturopath for this year’s well child exam. And I want to have him do the same food tolerance blood test that I took. When he was a baby, we tried all the various formulas including Allimentum. He vomited that one and refused to drink it again. He did best on soy formula. Wish me luck for his blood draw (he more than hates needles!).

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