When Will She Come Back?

Mom is still out of touch. Her reality and mine are not the same. She grabs at small pieces of reality and rounds out the story with fantasy. She tells me that Dad had an overdose of cortisone, and it killed him. The only truth in that statement is that Dad is dead. And she has not yet begun to grieve his passing. Mania has been protecting her from the deep, searing pain of loss of her husband of almost 52 years.

Her brain has been clever at not allowing her to deal with her reality for several months. For about 8 months, she was in deep depression. Escape. She craved sleep. Not dealing with Dad’s declining health and the reality that he would eventually die. The doctor changed her medication a number of times, and changed doses. Nothing brought her up.

And when one medication actually began to bring her up, her body derived such side effects from it, that she fell and did not get up. She had been able to take that same medication years ago and did not experience this particular side effect from it. She would have died from this fall, had it not been for a friend finding her after 48 hrs. and summoning an ambulance. Dad was in the hospital at the time. She wanted to leave so she didn’t have to deal with Dad’s death. I don’t say this lightly. I have meditated on it and had a few conversations with 3 different friends who are more than intuitive. When they tuned into her, they were able to see that at a different level, unconsciously, she wanted to go; to die.

Now I wonder if she will be able to come down from this mania, even with medications. Meds didn’t bring her up. And when Dad passed, she flipped fast and hard into mania. It might be a longer road back than any other time she’s been hospitalized. We’ll see.