The New Phase

She’s home and coming down.

Like a balloon once full and floating, now wrinkled, and sinking back down.

Still sometimes confused but making gains every few days.

The concern now is to find a balance and clarity.

Her challenge is to be able to deal with new, intense grief,

Without plunging down into the dark, tired, depths of depression.

What will the future hold?

The beauty and grace in the situation of mom’s “going crazy and having to be hospitalized,” has been a tremendous opportunity for me to work on healing. At the same time, I keep having to remind myself that we each have our own path in life, with our own lessons to learn, and I can’t learn Mom’s lessons for her. I can see that she is a catalyst for my growth.

Sometimes it takes being observant to see change in myself. When the change comes as non- reactivity, I have to step back and notice the new reaction to a familiar situation. Specifically, I had an unexpected feeling last week, when Mom was released from the mental hospital: a feeling of confidence, and a distinct lack of fear of what was to come. No freaking out about what if’s. What a lovely present to myself! Healing works! And I know it works because of how I am seeing things in life lately… differently.

So, what will the future hold? I don’t know, but I’m ready for it. Bring it on!