Inspiration come from many places. And when an idea keeps hitting me over the head, it’s time to share it. Today’s topic is judgement in the form of “should-ing.” Placing expectations upon ourselves or others, without regard to its appropriateness. In the case of judging others, we put our values and expectations on them, plain and simple. And in the case of judging ourself, we put other people’s values and expectations on us. We should upon ourselves and we should upon others. This is judgement.
Ok. So now that we know what it is, why do we keep doing it, and how can we stop? Why should we stop? (Yes, that last one is a judgement).
Why do we put our values and expectations on others? Sometimes it’s because we care about them and think that we know what is best for them. In fact, judging them without checking in to see how they feel about something, or where they stand, is being disrespectful.
Your dog died, and it’s been 3 months, and you’re still having trouble getting past the grief? What is wrong with you? Why can’t you just move on? For reasons unbeknownst to you, their grief process is longer that what you think it should be. There ya go- shoulding on them. Instead of judging, lend a shoulder to cry on. Help them process and be able to move through the grief.
You’re 7,8, or 9 years old and you can’t tie your shoes yet? What’s wrong with you? It’s not that hard to learn. Well, to that child, it may be more than hard to tie a bow. For that child, just the effort and time required to tie their shoes, is more than they want or are able to deal with. So, slip-on, and velcro shoes it is. And that’s ok.
The most damaging, is when we should upon ourselves. I should be this or that. My home should look like this. I should feel like that. Putting these judgements on ourselves is not being kind, loving, or respectful to where we are at that moment in time.
So the next time you are judging and shoulding on yourself or someone else, take a moment and ask yourself why you are doing it. See if you can let it go. As soon as you do, I guarantee you will feel better in every way.