I Think I Bit Off More Than I Can Chew!

I noticed that lately, I haven’t felt the burning desire to run to my computer and write out my “stuff.” Things on the outside seem much the same, and to tell the truth, a bit boring to write about. But inside I am moving and changing so much that by the time I get around to putting it down, I’ve changed again.

So, quickly, what does the boring on the outside look like? Weekly physical therapy and acupuncture visits to continue to help heal my broken foot and torn and surgically repaired tendon where that foot broke. And now I’m dealing with a torn meniscus and arthritis in my knee of the other leg. I plug away and see a little bit of progress every week. The latest progress is really, truly, leaving crutches behind. Stairs are still a challenge, due to the knee; but I haven’t put so much as a crutch in my car in about 10 days.

Where a few weeks back, the though of having to go grocery shopping was something I deeply dreaded, because of having to walk around mega stores (we don’t have any small grocery stores around here anymore), I don’t totally dread that task any longer. But there are no marathon five store shopping trips. One or two and then home.

Progress, yes. But slow. And to me, boring. Although, come to think of it, I’m not living in constant pain any longer (just now and then). And that is big and not boring.

So, what else is going on that is not boring? I’ve been working on me again. Been digging in and figuring out what keeps popping its head up, wanting to be examined and dealt with. How do I know something is popping its head up? I keep feeling an emotion that is running on a hamster wheel. It keeps coming up, reacting, slamming me in the face again and again. You know, when someone talks about something and it pings on something inside you big time, and that ping sends out your lion to rip the person’s head off. Yeah, that.

Most recently I’ve been angry, very angry. It’s been an undercurrent in me and it likes to pop up now and then. I’ve been short fused with my demanding and challenging kid. And… you get the picture. I realized pretty quickly that this was coming up around a few family members that I grew up with, and the feeling was that they did me wrong when I was growing up (and they truly did). Then I realized that another layer of crud was surfacing and wanted to be healed. *Joy, oh joy* not.

The first thing I did, was make an appointment with my clairvoyant teacher. She has the tools to get down to brass tacks and see what’s really going on; and to effect healing. But before that appointment, I had a 3 day seminar to go to – last weekend. It was a Matrix Energetics seminar. Matrix Energetics is a consciousness technology that allows you to jump into the energy field all around us, and interact with it, making change.

Over the course of the weekend, I got an e-mail from a family member, and I was quite set off. I had read the message during our lunch break, and returning early from our break, found a fellow seminar participant who was willing to play around with what we had learned, and effect change in me. I asked her to see if she could unhook me from this anger. She worked on me for between five and ten minutes, and then we had to get back to the seminar. But I immediately noticed that I had calmed down quite a bit. And later on, I noticed that my anger at this person, even shifted to some compassion. Love it!

After my seminar ended and I left the immediate high energy environment, I noticed a huge drive in me to eat sweets and junk food (fast metabolizing carb type stuff). I hadn’t felt like this in a very long time. It was a bit disconcerting, but I knew that in a few days I would sit with my teacher to see what was going on.

So, just the other day, I got a reading from my teacher. The way she worked, was to look at my body’s main energy centers, chakras, and see if energy was moving as it should be. Energy that has stopped moving, or is stuck, is not a good thing. This is where disease happens; especially when the energy blockage is very old or severe. She saw red energy, denoting anger, moving through me fairly well, except in one area specifically: my throat. The chakra that is at your throat relates to your ability to speak your truth and it also relates to creativity (hey! Maybe that’s why I couldn’t write! Yes, writer’s block is a throat chakra issue, usually.). The energy there appeared to be red, but also a very dark color, signifying a block that was pretty significant or that had been there a long time (I forget the exact detail). She went to work, clearing that chakra so energy could flow through it again.

Another chakra that stood out as not being hunky dory, was my seventh, or crown chakra. It’s located right on the top of your head, and represents spiritual knowing and truth. Having my seventh chakra all happy allows me to connect to spirituality and know my truth. When my teacher looked into what was going on, she kept seeing a rope. And the rope signified being roped into something. She got the message that even though I was a willing participant in my life lessons [we make agreements with others to come into life playing certain rolls in order to learn life lessons] , I didn’t know how damaging some of the things I agreed to would actually be for me once I entered this physical meat-suit of a body.

When you are not in the physical, when you are just a body of light, and you look at what you want to accomplish during your next physical life, everything seems so easy. Have a bipolar mother: no problem! Bring it on! Easy peasey! Have others who prey on you and treat you badly: no sweat! I’ll be able to get over it in no time and learn forgiveness and compassion! Bring it on! In fact, make me extra sensitive so it will all hurt just that much more be more of a challenge. And make me forget what an amazing and perfect Christened child of God I am, so the despair can amp up even more. Bring it all on!! I want to learn and grow a lot this lifetime.

So, in some cases, I might have bit off more than I could chew. And in another, there was a past life situation that I felt some responsibility about, and guilt brought me to the table, where I agreed to participate in a certain dynamic that would be very unpleasant for me this time around. The purpose was to see if I could walk through all of the shit and pain and move into a place of forgiveness and compassion.

And I’m getting there, layer by layer, bit by bit. The first step was to be able to move out of feeling like a victim. We are never a victim, no matter what a situation looks like (yes, even babies who agree to take on cancer are not victims at the soul level). We agreed to participate in situations on a higher level for the purpose of our soul’s evolution. It’s about evolving at the soul level and experiencing life.

So, my teacher did some healing on my crown chakra, and checked my other chakras, making sure they were clear and that things were moving through nicely (think of traffic moving along city streets nicely vs. an accident that snarls traffic). As I left her office, the first thing I noticed was feeling lighter; lighter in spirit.

And within hours I noticed that my out of control munchies and sugar cravings were gone. Ahhh. Since then, my writer’s block seems to be gone, my patience with my son is miles longer, and I have a lot of peace in my heart. This is what a good psychic reading/ healing will do for you.

As for the though that I might have bit off more than I can chew, I’m a smart, tough bitch and I’m working my way through it all.

About mariner2mother

I'm a mother of a creative 20 year old son, a former merchant ship's deck officer, and a wife. To feed my creative side I take photos. I am also Reiki attuned and am a student of Energy Healing, having used several healing modalities to work on myself and my family. My most recent adventure has me navigating a very challenging Kundalini Awakening.
This entry was posted in Energy Therapy, Holistic Healing, Mental Health, Spirituality and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

13 Responses to I Think I Bit Off More Than I Can Chew!

  1. The first step was to be able to move out of feeling like a victim—> whoa. What a powerful insight. I think this is a huge part of my problem. So happy you are taking steps to work through these issues, more than most people do during their entire lifetime.

    • I have to say that now and then I do move back into victim mentality, but I try to keep it a short visit. What really helped me see the bigger picture, was learning about the life lessons I chose, and the rolls I agreed to play, and that in our lives we are, indeed, playing rolls just like in a play. But this is definitely NOT easy. I’ve used hypnosis and really good psychics to help me see the truth of my situation and to help with healing (as well as other people and modalities to work on healing). Shifting perception can be HUGE.

  2. Maineiac took the words right out of my mouth.

  3. This is so insightful and educational! It touched many nerves with me since I live with chronic Rheumatoid Arthritis and I have been having problems swallowing. WOW! There is nothing better than the feeling of peace and calm and no anger to be found. Wishing you more of the same positive healing!

  4. Aussa Lorens says:

    Here’s to hoping your throat chakra remains unblocked for 2014! *cheers*

  5. BigLizzy says:


    Oh God, Oh, God, Oh God!! I am jumping up and down and trying to type while jumping up and down. SOOOOOOO love this post, baby-cakes. God, you are delicious!!

    I love this: “You know, when someone talks about something and it pings on something inside you big time, and that ping sends out your lion to rip the person’s head off. Yeah, that.” Hahahahaha! I was rolling on the floor and nodding my head so hard that I think something snapped. hhahaha!

    I just love this journey of yours so much! It’s seriously like you wrote it about me, too! I have actually had conversations with my Astrologer and various physic friends about what a friggen’ overachiever I am and how when I’m on the other side and planning my next incarnation, I keep piling on really hard stuff while my guides keep nodding their heads no and asking me to pace myself. I KNOW I was all like: “Oh, and then I’ll be molested by multiple people, raped, and then I’ll deal with lots of physical illness and then, Oooo…ooooooo…ooooo! I’ll be really fat on top of it!” I just know that I did this, sister.

    So, your words make me smile HUGE and jump up and down because youuuuuu are a gift to us all. YOU are such a light in this world and yes, you are a tough bitch who is figuring it all out and you have all the time in the universe to master this living thing and get where your soul craves to be, which is in unification with Source. It’s so, so amazing to watch you and share in your process, sister. Thank you! I LOVE YOU!

  6. Ann Koplow says:

    I was so glad to chew on all this, today. Thanks so much. I am learning from you, for sure.

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