Year’s End

Do you ever think that things like the beginning or end of the year are only that because our calendar tells us they are? To some person who lives in the wild, who lives by the sun and phases of the moon, they probably see life in cycles that are monthly, following the moon.

But here we are, at the end of our current calendar and people are looking back over the past year, and making promises to themselves regarding the coming year. I wonder how it would go if our calendar were half as long; the equivalent of our six months. We would celebrate New Year’s twice as often! Party on!! We would sit back, contemplate and evaluate our lives twice as often. Or if our calendar were five of our current years long; we would have one hell of a huge party then!

But what if we didn’t look at our calendar as having a beginning or an end? What if every day were like the next, with no big fanfare wrought upon one day in particular. What then? Would we all still smoke, not exercise enough, be mean and bitchy towards each other?

I’ve begun to see my life as before and after spiritually waking up. Since it happened, about 3 years ago, I’ve developed a habit of always looking for the higher meaning of things that happen in my life that suck (like when Mom killed herself, and when I broke my foot). Sometimes I can see the truth of a situation by meditating on it or using some of the clairvoyant skills I’ve learned. After all, seeing something clairvoyantly means to see the real truth of it. And sometimes I rely on skills of clairvoyants who have more experience and training than I.

When I meditate, I’m usually sitting on the edge of my bed, in my somewhat messy bedroom (hiding from my family). Photo from Google Images.

I’ve also discovered ways to grow, such as when something irritates me, bothers me, brings out the Mama Bear in me, it’s usually because there is something in me that needs to be examined. I don’t just sit back and say, “I’m stressed! Where’s the wine and chocolate? I need a bubble bath.” Constant stress just means you aren’t dealing with your shit.

Case in point, I used to get really frustrated when I would explain simple math concepts to my son and he would sort of understand them some days, and other days, he acted like I was speaking Greek. I would break things down as simply as I could, and he’d still not understand. My frustration would increase until I’d come to a boil and give up, fuming. Not cool, Mom.

After my doing an exercise, looking beneath my frustration and then looking beneath the next feeling that would pop up, and on and on, I came to the core belief that when my son was struggling, I believed that I was failing and was not ok myself. I had tied my own self-worth to my son’s ability or inability to grasp math. In truth, with the way his brain is wired, late in the day, there is no way in hell he grasps new or difficult math concepts, no matter who is working with him. It has NOTHING to do with me. And that is so freeing!

Nowadays, in the same situation, I realize that my son’s brain has left the building and we put away that worksheet until morning, when we give it another try. Sometimes, in the light of a new day, with rested brain, things will click, and math will happen. Other days, I send the sheet back to school with a note saying that he tried and it wasn’t clicking.

So why the stories? I don’t necessarily look back over the past year and review it, but for me, it’s more like looking at how I have changed since “waking up.” Since having my consciousness seriously raised, educated, and changed forever. Will I make resolutions to lose weight, exercise more, be kinder to everyone around me? I probably won’t lose weight until I have healed why my extra weight needs to be with me. So no, I won’t be joining Weight Watchers (again) this January.

As for being kind, as I dig into my own crap, look at it when it comes up, figure out what’s going on and heal it, my heart opens more and becomes filled with more peace on a daily basis. When I feel better inside, I treat everyone and everything outside of me better and with more kindness. (And that is a huge lesson that I wish everyone would understand- world peace begins inside your heart).

With a final thought for 2013 (what the heck), I will continue to do my work, to examine my inner demons and de-stress from the inside out. I will heal energy patterns that I have inherited unknowingly from my parents (no cancer coming to me, thank you very much), and behavior patterns that I learned as a young child (the ones that aren’t so nice). And I will share as I learn, because it’s what I do.

Happy New Year!

May everyone learn and grow in 2014!