I guess I needed a reminder that things in life are cyclical. Our emotions come and go; happy, sad, joyful, frustrated, elated, angry, on and on. The past six months for me, on the whole, have been amazing. I’ve weathered some very big changes in my life with more grace and ease that I thought possible.

And as the seasons change, so does life. Leaves are dropping to the ground, revealing lichen and moss on tree branches and trunks. The rains have arrived, leaving a day or less each week to see the sun. The yard, which could use another mow, is perpetually wet now. The angle of the sun is lower, blocked more and more by the neighboring mountains and hundred foot trees.

And in less than 2 weeks the clocks will change, plunging us into darkness earlier and earlier in the evening. Where I live, at this time of year, we lose about 3 1/2 minutes of daylight per day.

The grind of school is becoming more routine. And Little Man, as always, is struggling with school.

I am finding that lately, I am struggling as well. My weight loss is at a standstill for now. Procrastination and overwhelm are once again my companions. I am functioning, but not really thriving. I do what I have to, but not much more than that. My project “to do” list is overwhelming my brain.

The world won’t end if I don’t get certain things in the yard done (like filling in an area that is all truck ruts and a big pit I let Little Man dig this summer- because I was going to have a bunch of dirt brought in and spread out). The world won’t end if I don’t deal with our gravel becoming more and more grass driveway. The world won’t end if I don’t landscape an area beside the house that you walk past when you enter and exit our house. The area that I cut down bushes in preparation for re-landscaping, that is now a huge patch of weeds. The world won’t end if I don’t take down the old, peeling wallpaper from our downstairs bathroom, and paint and put up a new border I bought months ago.

There are so many more things around here that really need to get done, but just thinking about them has me overwhelmed into inactivity.

I don’t know what brought this all about, but I know some things that are certainly not helping, like our weather.

I am going to try like crazy to get my butt out of this chair and get even one thing done today that I wanted to get done. Or maybe I’ll just call a girlfriend.

About mariner2mother

I'm a mother of a creative 20 year old son, a former merchant ship's deck officer, and a wife. To feed my creative side I take photos. I am also Reiki attuned and am a student of Energy Healing, having used several healing modalities to work on myself and my family. My most recent adventure has me navigating a very challenging Kundalini Awakening.
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4 Responses to Cycles

  1. candidkay says:

    Ah yes, loose ends and feeling overwhelmed at times. The fun of being a grown-up, eh? I don’t know what’s going in the universe right now but there’s so much stuff flying it seems we can barely all see straight. Wishing you peace. A glass of red wine, if you drink it. And hope for tomorrow.

    • Thanks Kay. After I wrote this I had an interesting conversation with one of my very wise sister-teacher-friends. Apparently, when we are releasing old energies and patterns, they can come back up in a way that feels and seems like we are experiencing them again. But they are actually on their way out. I also read a blog about channeled angelic guidance that reminded me that these old energies also show up on their way out to help remind us of how far we’ve come. Because today the sun is out and I’m feeling much better in general. Getting back on track quicker and easier each time.

  2. Very thought provoking post, Susan! A couple of thoughts: It’s true that letting some things go, won’t kill you, but I have found (for myself) that I often use that as an excuse to let things go… which does in fact pull me down, emotionally and spiritually. I feel so much better and stronger, when I take care of things that are piling up. The fact that I still haven’t cleaned my office, weighs on me psychically all the time. Even if I say it won’t kill me, maybe it kills you in little bits? I know that whenever I can take on a project and cross it off my (never ending) list, I feel better in so many ways. Tackling these things, a good friend who is a motivational guide (or some positive term like that) suggests that setting a timer for ten minutes, and doing only that ten minutes of a project. If you really get into it, stop anyway… harness that motivation and set your timer for 15 minutes the next day. I’ve found that very helpful. I’m not sure what the answer is, and there probably isn’t one answer… we all have our own limits and challenges. Thanks for challenging me with your writing!

    • Dawn, thanks for your very thoughtful comment. I completely understand when you talk about things killing in little bits. Completely!

      With the work I did on myself last winter and spring, I had a huge change inside, and hadn’t felt that sense of overwhelm in several months. So, when it revisited, I was afraid it was back for the entire winter. But I’ve noticed recently, that it seems to have passed, or to be passing.

      I know people who are big fans of Fly Lady, and I believe she talks about setting a timer and tackling something for a short span of time. For me, I’d much rather work on something until I come to a natural stopping point (or end). And that might be 1/2 hour or 4 hours. Currently, it’s a room upstairs that I’m decluttering and cleaning.

      With our weather, all yard projects are halted until things dry out, and I’m fine with that. I’ve scoped out equipment to rent (tractor with a bucket on the front and possibly a grading blade underneath) when I can work outside again.

      I appreciate the suggestions.

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