Remembering Mom: Christmas Eve 2014

I had forgotten that Christmas Eve day was the day my mother decided to exit this world, until my son reminded me a few weeks ago. I think he was worried about how I’d be on that day. He assumed it would be a sad day for me. And it is sad, but as I’ve thought about it, not for the reasons I’d expected. Most of all, I’m sad for what I wasn’t able to share with Mom: what I’ve learned about energy medicine.

Mom when she was a girl.

Two years ago, I got up and went about my usual routine. I had just returned home from the grocery store when my cell phone rang. It was my mother’s caregiver. In a flash, I went from having a mother, to not. The rear door to my minivan was open and I sat down onto the back bumper, bawling.

Initially, my grief for losing my mother was just that: grief because the person who had spent the most time raising and caring for me, was gone. It was mixed with relief in not having to worry about her any longer; worry about how she was becoming senile, worry about her severely depressed state, worry about managing her care from 3000 miles away.

After a while, grief morphed into anger. Anger for all of the years she verbally attacked me when she was manic. Lots of old anger. I worked on that in my own way with forms of therapy that are most effective for me (working with psychics, energy healers, and hypnotherapy). Bucket loads of anger that had literally stowed away in my body, have been released.

And now when I look back with compassionate eyes, they are not clouded by so much pain. They are more clear. And what comes to me this year is the sadness for what might have been, had Mom discovered what I have come to know about energy healing and energy medicine: that it truly improves and has the potential to cure conditions and diseases that the current medical establishment tries to merely manage. Mental illnesses being the largest category.

Mom and me just before my younger brother was born.

Mom was on several medications by the time she reached her 70’s and 80’s, and it became more and more difficult for her doctor to find the right pill or combination of pills to help keep her out of the extremes of depression and mania, as her last year on this planet demonstrated. That year she was hospitalized for both extreme mania and extreme depression.

About the time Mom needed to be hospitalized for mania, I called an internet radio talk show hosted by a well-known west coast psychic, Sara Wiseman. I was able to get on the air with her and asked her why my mother would become verbally vicious toward me (and only me) when she was manic. Sara told me that Mom didn’t have an issue with me exactly, it was more of something at the energetic level between us. She saw that Mom had been wounded as a young girl of about 4 or 6 years old, and the next time I was going to meditate, I should go back to look at the time just before the wounding occurred. I did just that and facilitated a miracle.

From that day forth, for the rest of my mother’s life, when she was manic, she never attacked me (and I purposely provoked her just to see). A while later, I would learn that she also experienced some miraculous (unexplainable by the medical community) physical healing at the same time.

Since that time, I have learned even more about the amazing power of energy medicine, that it has the potential to create miracles every day. And the only reason they are deemed miracles is because we, as a society, are not taught about how to work with energy, about how disease and illness enter into our lives and bodies. We are not taught the connection between our minds, bodies and spirits.

We are taught that we are limited, and that we are less than. We are not taught to know that we are a spark of the divine energy that literally created each of us. We are first energy, and then manifested into physical form. We are not taught that we are amazing, and that our bodies were designed to heal, and to be healthy. We are not taught about soul contracts and life lessons, and that when we learn a life lesson, we can close a contract, or change it.

We don’t have to keep having the same bad relationship played out with partner after partner. We don’t have to struggle with our abundance, feeling poor in every way. We don’t have to bring arthritis, cancer, and heart disease into our lives in our later years (unless we’ve made an agreement to do so before we were born – and sometimes those agreements can be shifted).

If we have depression, it can be healed or very much improved. I have experienced this. If we have been diagnosed with type 2 diabetes, it can be healed. I have done this. If we live with addictions, they can be healed, or at least drastically reduced. I have experienced this. If we develop things like thyroid problems or acid reflux, they can be healed. Working on it right now.

I’m sad because if my mother had lived to know the things I now know and had lived to witness what I’ve been able to accomplish, she might have decided to give it a try. And who knows? Instead of needing so much medication, she might have been able to drastically reduce it. She might have helped create a miracle. Or not. But at least the potential for it to happen would have existed. I’m sad because as much as I’ve learned to help myself, I wasn’t able to help her.

What I do know is that even though Mom is no longer here in her physical body, she is still around as an energetic being, and her journey continues. And yes, she knows what I’m up to. All I have to do is think of her and it brings her close to me again.

Mom 10 months before her death.