Disembarking From The Crazy Train

Where to begin? The past few weeks have been a series of ups and downs. Way down and way up. I read about how this year of 2015 is a year of change, of transformation, and the rollercoaster ride has begun!

Energies in the world become turbulent periodically, like when the sun shoots out a big solar flare, or when the moon’s effect on earth’s gravity is highest during the full and new moons. During these times people tend to become irritable or riled up – just ask anyone who works in an ER. Energies deep in people start to become shaken, and some rise to the top ready to be let go, like when you put water into a pan of rice and agitate it so the starch rises to the top to be poured off.

These energies come out as anger, frustration, and fear. How do I know energy is wonky? Other than looking at a calendar to see the phase of the moon, or checking in with certain Lightworkers out there who are always on top of the sun’s activity, my biggest indicators are how I’m feeling and how my Little Man is doing.

The past few weeks have been a struggle. Little Man’s anxiety has been running high. And my body decided to freak out on me in response to all of Little Man’s anxiety. Turns out I’m at an age where it is imperative to support my hormonal system in one way or another; and I haven’t been doing a good job with it. Things got too far out of balance, sending me spiraling. It was not fun. Fortunately, I had support on hand in the form of some capsules, and I finally took the full recommended dose (which I hadn’t been doing).

The lesson of balance was brought full force into my face. It’s about balance.

From Google ImagesWhat I’m learning as I travel the path of a spiritually awakened person, is that being conscious of the fact that we are all Christened beings, who came from the energy we know as unconditional love, does not mean our lives will be all skittles and roses. In fact, when people are actively doing the work to free themselves of their fear-based personality (which is a challenge in this fear-based world we live in), they might find that areas of their lives, that aren’t really working for them, fall apart.

People’s marriages implode. The can’t tolerate their job anymore and leave, or they get fired. And friendships go by the wayside. As I’ve changed and come into myself more, I see that the crap inside me that used to pop up and stir the pot, make me afraid, frustrated, pissed off, or whatever, is so very much less and less. I’ve had a few friendships go away. And when I am knocked over, I tend to spring back up much more easily and quickly.

Last week I participated in a workshop created by Drunvalo Melchizedek, called Awakening the Illuminated Heart. We spent 4 days healing, letting go of things that have been holding us back and weighing us down, so we could remember who we truly are at our core. We are spirit; an aspect or splinter of the One Divine, whence we came. We wear these human costumes (or as my dear friend calls them – meat suits) so we can experience life through them:  through our eyes, our ears, our ability to taste, smell, and our sense of touch. We come into these amazing vehicles called bodies, and experience pain, anger, doubt, fear, happiness, joy, bliss, and love. We also create with and through our bodies. We chose this as a way of expanding our consciousness. After all, God isn’t in a body and can’t experience life the way we do.

During the workshop, after we spent two days experiencing healing and releasing, we spent the next two days reconnecting to the point in our bodies where the world of polarity, this world of opposites, doesn’t exist: within a tiny space inside our heart. This is the point of unity: where we truly are one with everything and everyone.

It is within this space that we connect directly to the Divine Source, God. As we were guided through an exercise that brought us specifically into this space, we were reminded to be childlike, full of wonder, and joy. In fact, I believe it was because I saw myself as a young girl playing and having fun, that this particular exercise worked so well for me. As I slid down a very long and winding slide into this place, shouting “wee!” all the way down, I finally arrived, with a plop onto a bed of pillows. God was right there welcoming me, saying that he’d been waiting for me and was so happy that I’d finally made it.

In a flash, I was shown a slideshow of pictures that stretched all around me, and stretched quite tall, like an IMAX theater. There were all sorts of pictures of landscapes that were amazingly beautiful, pictures of people from all over the globe, and I received the knowing that we are all one, all connected, and are integrally part of our Mother Earth and Father Sky. More information flooded my brain so fast that I can only remember flashes of it, but the expressions “as above, so below” and “as within, so without” made total sense.

In my conversation with God, I realized that I hear him in my mind all the time. He comes through for me with great regularity. And for years, I’d blown him off, not knowing it was The Divine connecting with me, giving me information.  It was an amazingly emotional experience, with tears rolling down my cheeks. Realizing the completely unconditional love and acceptance, and the connection that has always been there (I’ve never been alone or abandoned), was overwhelming. Trying to express in mere words, this intense experience, doesn’t even begin to do it justice. (Think about the difference between explaining what an orgasm is, and the actual experience). Nevertheless, it was beyond amazing and something I’ll never forget.

The goal of spirituality is to remember our intimate connect with the source of life, to remember our God selves. To remember that this life is temporary. And that we choose to come here to experience, without judging experiences as good or bad. It is our human selves who created this world of polarity we now live in, where we feel the need to label everything in opposites. Think about it: how often do we categorize things into our lives and then stick polarity labels on them like good and bad, like and dislike, black and white, up and down, in and out. The thing with these labels is that they disregard the never-ending flow that life really is, the continuum and the ever-present change. They create artificial end points that stop us. Polarity doesn’t allow for expansion and opening in our thoughts, and thus in our world. After all, our thoughts (conscious and subconscious) create our world: the physical items around us, and the experiences that are drawn to us.

So when we are able to remember to see the world through the eyes of unity instead of through polarity, especially after the initial upheaval, things tend to flow more smoothly. Bumps in the road become small and easier to step over. Upset passes more quickly. And what comes to us becomes more and more desirable.

One of the biggest challenges that comes from moving forward in my work is the integration part. Integrating the new me with my “life” and family. Being able to maintain the ground I’ve gained with surroundings that haven’t yet shifted. This is the place where some people experience what appears to be backlash or their lives falling apart. What’s really happening is that their new selves don’t fit into their old lives. Sometimes families, friendships, jobs, and homes are flexible enough that things shift and adjust to a new normal. Sometimes not. Finding the balance in maintaining ground gained and giving my family time and space to shift to meet me, is what I’m working on. So far, so good.

About mariner2mother

I'm a mother of a creative 20 year old son, a former merchant ship's deck officer, and a wife. To feed my creative side I take photos. I am also Reiki attuned and am a student of Energy Healing, having used several healing modalities to work on myself and my family. My most recent adventure has me navigating a very challenging Kundalini Awakening.
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14 Responses to Disembarking From The Crazy Train

  1. candidkay says:

    Aha! Such insights. Thank you. Truly. New selves not fitting into old lives. I’ve been having a lot of that over the past couple of years. The friendships, etc. Can be such sadness at the change and yet I have to turn and welcome what’s to come, right? So glad you were able to have this experience and share it with us.

    • Thanks Kay. Yes, that last little epiphany occurred to me as I was winding up the post. I’ve found that change can be easy and quick, but integrating that change into the “what is now” can be a challenge. And that’s why I see a lot of people struggle and try to revert to how things were before they changed. You can’t go back once you’ve changed.

  2. sara says:

    Meat suits! (Shudder). This is a lovely post, and you’re right, it is hard to convey these kind of concepts in words, although that doesn’t stop us from trying, right? I have just read The Afterlife of Billy Fingers – have you read it? If you haven’t, go and get it – omg you will love it. The beauty, hope and compassion this little book brings to our existence is just amazing. of course I will review it in this week’s blog, but I thought of it when i was reading your post.

    • Yes I have read The Afterlife of Billy Fingers, and I loved it so much. I’ll have to reread it, as it was over a year ago that I read it. Phenomenal book. The friend of mine that calls our bodies meat suits, must have felt that her body was just that – a suit made of meat – after she had a near death experience, taking her out of her meat suit.

      • sara says:

        Yes, it’s been on my to read list for about that long (damn you, bloated to read list!). I was tempted to turn it over and start again!

  3. Kudos to you, Susan for moving forward and allowing yourself to heal and keep growing. None of that is easy, but you are keeping your feet in the fire: and doing beautifully!

  4. I used to talk to God all the time as a kid, like it was the most natural thing in the world. He was like my best friend. I’m just recently getting back to that connection. Have you read the books Journey of Souls or Destiny of Souls? They’re about hypnosis but describes people’s recollection of what life is like after death or in between lives. Probably the most important books I’ve read.

    • emjayandthem says:

      hey! Me, too. I need to check into those books! Thanks Darla girl, MJ

    • Darla, I so wish I had had a connection with God, an angel, guide, or anyone when I was young, but I was shut down very, very early on. I have read one of those books (about 3 or 4 years ago), and bought the other one a few months ago, but haven’t read it yet- perhaps your message is the push I’ve needed to read it. Since I took this workshop, I’ve been reading Drunvalo Melchizedek’s books and watching videos on YouTube almost non-stop. If you haven’t read any Dolores Cannon, her books are excellent (you can find videos of her online talking about her work). I’ve done a few past life regression sessions, and the realizations I had after I had died, were very cool. I think I blogged about at least one of these sessions. I’ll have to get on that Michael Newton book. I can’t remember if you’ve read The Afterlife of Billy Fingers: it’s fantastic and a quick read.

  5. emjayandthem says:

    I love it when you write like this – I saw the post a few days ago but wasn’t ready to read it. Let me correct that, I didn’t have the mindset to read and absorb the TRUTHS I knew you were about to share. I love this. And I hate skittles!

    What resonated with me was this: “Realizing the completely unconditional love and acceptance, and the connection that has always been there (I’ve never been alone or abandoned), was overwhelming.” I get this, I so get this.

    Thank you.
    And good on you for recognizing Little Man’s energy was throwing yours off, too.


    • Thanks MJ. It’s so frustrating, not being able to put into adequate words such an amazing experience. I guess that’s why experience is the mother of all teachers. Glad you like it when I write like this; I like it, too, and need to do more of it.

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