This is the kind of stuff that runs through my head on any random morning when getting ready for school at oh-freeking-dark-thirty is met with a few (not fun) surprises about homework that wasn’t completed and a particularly whiny, complaining child.
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Do you ever have a day where you want to scream at the world, rage at the world?
“Why can’t you understand that your snarky comments towards my son when he’s struggling are
fucked up inappropriate?”
“Can’t you see that when you do this or do that (being all reactive) and then act out your stuff all over the rest of the world, that you don’t have to be that way? You can heal that shit.”
“Why can’t everyone wake THE FUCK UP!!!”
“Why? Why? Why?”
And then I acknowledge that my son is experiencing growth pains. (And I am, too.) Being forced to stretch himself in new ways. Being forced to apply himself in new ways. Being forced to learn how to follow lots of new directions. And especially for him, being forced to change and to grow is more painful than for a lot of people. (Allowing him to struggle, complain, stumble, hurt, get up and try again, is my own trial.)
He whines and complains enough to win a blue ribbon at the county fair. He bitches and moans. The mama in me wants to protect her cub. To keep him safe from the wolf pack. But the wolf pack is the world, and in order to survive in this world, my child not yet a man has to learn how to deal and not be eaten alive.
I need to acknowledge that my son’s teachers know what they are doing, and trust that they are not going to eat him alive. And trust that his experience this year is NOT a repeat of last year. And unfortunately also acknowledge that they are only human and their consciousnesses are still pretty much asleep; cogs in our education wheel.
A few days ago, I received a wonderful article titled, How To Care For Empaths and Highly Sensitive People from a kindred spirit and fellow blogger Jan Stone. The article describes what it is to be so sensitive to your environment that you pick up on other people’s feelings. It talks about what our medical community has deemed to be a disorder (Sensory Processing Disorder), and brings a new perspective, describing perceived challenges as extraordinary gifts and abilities. “In recent years, we’ve seen a rapid increase in the numbers of children born with SPD. In my opinion, this is a sign that the human race is progressing toward a superior state. The ability to take in much larger amounts of sensory data is an evolutionary leap for our species.”
The article resonated so strongly with me that I wish I could require every single person who teaches my kid, to not only read it, but to be tested on it, and then demonstrate proficiency in handling my empathic son. Not to handle him with kid gloves, but to be respectful of him as a human being who is beyond ordinary. And to keep snarky comments to themselves.
I have both been told about and have read about children like my son, who appear to our medical community to have developmental delays and are given a variety of labels like disorder. And yes, he’s different and often struggles to fit into the boxes that society wants to put him in. And the information that is brought to me over and over is that he is wired for the future. He is an evolutionary leap. He is very special in these ways. Children who are delayed with speech and who have problems with reading and writing are wired for telepathy. They are already wired for a world where we communicate so much more simply, quickly, efficiently, and effectively. A world where language and words are no longer a barrier.
He is also wired for a world where you see someone do something and you can instantaneously do it as well. Or you think of something you want and it manifests instantly. We here in our 3D world are not there yet. And I see his frustration when he can’t make these things happen in the blink of an eye.
Because we live in the here and now, and are still mired in 3D, my son has to learn how to adjust to this world. And new routines, new schools, new teachers, earlier hours, aren’t easy for him to deal with. But he is. We’re all adjusting. Just waiting for the new normal to become normal.
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Since I first started writing this post last week, my son had 2 more painful experiences with one of his teachers. What really gets me (other than having one of my son’s teachers cause him pain) is that this is THE ONE teacher who is supposed to be his safe place to run to, his support teacher; it’s his special education teacher.
After the second day of 2 days in a row of my son being in a complete and total funk over how he was treated, I got pissed off. How dare she give him a stern talking to! Who does she think she is? What does she think he’s done? WTF??? Momma Bear came out with claws bared.
After getting all reactive and then going Momma Bear, I contacted a few besties and whined and complained, garnering more support for my outrage. Once I was sitting solidly in the energy of “how the fuck dare she!” I made sure my Little Man knew that he had done absolutely nothing wrong, and the way his teacher reacted and treated him had everything to do with how messed up SHE is. And I was going to make sure to put her in her place so she never treats another student that way, ever again! By the time bedtime rolled around, Little Man was feeling a little bit better about himself and about life.
The next day (yesterday) I formulated a plan of action where I was going to have a meeting with this teacher, the school counselor, and the school principal (not the assistant principal, but the brand new principal!). I was going to make sure that everyone acknowledged that this teacher had an established pattern of treating her students on occasion with cynicism, derision, shame and blame. She throws out snarky comments like poison darts. And it was going to stop here and now!
Since Little Man had visited the school counselor after the most recent incident, and related it to her in tears, I asked the counselor for a meeting. We had one on the phone yesterday morning. I was able to voice my concerns about this teacher’s pattern of behavior that I don’t like, and she assured me that this teacher has only the best intentions in her heart for her students. For some reason, knowing that softened my heart a bit. My claws started to retract.
And waking up this morning (with a meeting scheduled with (only) this teacher at the end of school today) my heart was even more open. I quieted my monkey mind and clairvoyantly read this teacher’s energy.
The first thing that came through from her was a deep-seated need to be right and to do the right thing. Ah! I get it. She has the perfection thing stuck with her. I saw it plain as day. When she was little, someone laid on her the belief that she had to be right and she had to do the right thing, and this program is still running. It’s still creating a filter through which she views the world.
I know how to facilitate some healing, so I did. I communicated with her higher self so she would allow that scared little girl inside let go of the need to control her surroundings by being right and by being perfect. There was a shift. She originally took this on from someone else. She can release it now.
As well as this belief about needing to be right, I saw she has issues about taking on responsibility; taking on that which is not hers. She has taken on ownership of her students’ behaviors (and possibly even their academic success), taking on responsibility for them. She needs to know that her students’ behavior is not her ultimate responsibility. It belongs to the student (as it does for every single person on this planet). As a teacher, she is her students’ guide. She leads them. She’s not supposed to own them. She can now learn to recognize where her responsibility ends and others’ kicks in.
So, it’s been an interesting morning, to say the least. And it will be interesting to see how our meeting goes this afternoon. I will ask what happened earlier this week, educate teacher about Little Man some more, and might even get some healing work done. This is what I call Grace.