Sometimes Change Just Plain Sucks

As much as I prefer to live in a peaceful and optimistic state, there are times when life keeps pummeling me, and I find it hard to find that place. That place of calm. That place of not freaking the fuck out.

These days I see life on several levels, all at the same time. I know that we experience all sorts of things in life just to experience them. I know we witness and measure change in ourselves by how we react differently to the same or similar things coming up repeatedly. I know that if my soul wants to become more compassionate, it will fill my life with experiences where, it might be challenging for me to overcome urges to sit in judgment. But if I can take those difficult steps toward dropping judgment and instead, sit in a place of compassion, I actually feel better.

So, just what is it at this moment in time that has me wallowing in old fear and being miserable? I think things that triggered fear in me a very long time ago, combined with a lot of societal judgment that I carry, and projecting a lot of what-if’s into the future, make for one nasty cocktail of misery.

As much as I can see things from the 30,000 ft. perspective, I also walk with my two feet on the ground and live in the trenches like everyone does. When my kid is miserable and I feel helpless to help him, as a mother, it really sucks. When my life has been flipped upside down and things haven’t settled out yet, it sucks. When my to-do list suddenly overwhelms me and freaks my brain out, it sucks. And as much as I know this transition time is just that, a transition, it can still suck.

About mariner2mother

I'm a mother of a creative 20 year old son, a former merchant ship's deck officer, and a wife. To feed my creative side I take photos. I am also Reiki attuned and am a student of Energy Healing, having used several healing modalities to work on myself and my family. My most recent adventure has me navigating a very challenging Kundalini Awakening.
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14 Responses to Sometimes Change Just Plain Sucks

  1. Creating space in which you nurture an intentional ‘time out’ and simply focus on the calm you seek, does work. It’s as easy as a mind-set shift or an acknowledging of the transitional state you realistically reference. Holding peaceful thoughts for you!

    • Thank you so much Eric. Tough night last night especially with Little Man experiencing past life traumas as nightmares. It’s been going on lately. Appreciate your advice.

  2. janonlife says:

    End of Level Challenge. My kids used to play computer adventure games and all of a sudden, out of nowhere, some huge great, lava-spewing monster would appear with masses of heads and a whole arsenal of weapons and I’d watch and think, “This is terrifying. Why don’t they just give up?”
    They didn’t though. They just kept on slicing off the heads and using the same puny weapons that seemed to make no difference. They did that because they’d played these games many times. They knew that it was EXACTLY at this point that they were on the edge of breaking through into a new level, and if they just kept hammering away, they’d win through.

    That’s just where you are, my lovely friend and I’ve been in that place and yes, it does suck. Your soul wouldn’t have brought you to this point, though, if it didn’t know you could handle it. My advice would be to go really easy on yourself, to give yourself a huge pat on the back for every tiny step you take, to hug your kid loads and to be very proud that you’re such an awesome lady.

    • Thank you so very much Jan. Yes. That definitely resonates with me. I hadn’t thought of end of level challenge in a long time, but it totally makes sense. And here I thought we would cheerfully prance into our new adventure without having to pay the toll. Got it now!! Sometimes it is indeed hard to see above when still mired in the thick of things.

  3. leroxz says:

    Allowing that sucky time to just be, is part of life too as long as we don’t sit in it, yesterday I wrote I whole post about this (which I never finished). I called it taking a day off. I took a day off to be miserable because I knew it wouldn’t last very long veen if it does last more than a day that black cloud will soon peter away and why are we capable of feeling these temporary emotions anyways? when the world says we must be positive 24/7 but these times are what makes us know we have the strength not to let it over take us., I totally feel you on this post! Thank you for sharing x

    • Thanks so much. The past six weeks have been particularly trying (my post before this one explains what’s been going on), and last night was a particularly bad night. Since having had a nap today, things are looking a little brighter. I like your idea of taking a day off to just be miserable, and let it pass.

  4. emjayandthem says:

    I think we need to give ourselves the opportunity to “freak the F _ _ _ out” – I like to do so on a drive with tunes up or with my face in the closet where no one can hear my rants 🙂

    When they hurt, we hurt. It’s the mother code. Isis has nothing on that kind of torture.

    We’re here for you ❤


  5. Sometimes, all we can do is breathe through it. Truly. SO hard! (( hugs ))

  6. drakejamie says:

    Sometimes letting it go, being calm and zen, just ain’t easy. Right there being pummeled and waiting for the calm to return. Rowing in that boat right there with ya! (hope that helps even a bit)

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