Struggling a Bit

Sun rising over Ocean Point

Sun rising over Ocean Point

Lately I’ve been struggling a bit. Struggling to write. Struggling to accomplish things I want to get done. Just struggling.

Where I live, the weather gets darker this time of year, and the rains begin. Some years, the rains don’t really settle in until some time in November. But they’ve arrived and it’s only the first week of October. From here until next spring we will see less and less sun and light. (I could never make it in Alaska).

My son has been struggling a bit lately as well, which makes my burden all that much heavier. In general, he’s doing ok (better than he was late last winter), but this week specifically has had more tough times.

I know this will pass.

Having my son home full-time is still something I’m adjusting to. I used to think that I could simply make a schedule where we would get up, spend X amount of hours doing “school work” and that I would create a time for me to write (while my son socializes with his buddies online). There would be a regular schedule of getting the house cleaned, and we would have plenty of days out doing an assortment of activities, from meeting up with other homeschoolers, to having our own field trips, possibly going on hikes or bike rides, to getting the grocery and other shopping done.

Life hasn’t looked like that at all. There is no regular schedule of anything other than meeting with the kiddo’s teacher once a week. Lately, when I’ve wanted to pursue some academic subjects, I’ve been met with my son’s anxiety and meltdowns. My own get up and go, got up and went. Feels like winter blues hit me with a blast of arctic air.

I have photos to share from our adventures in September, and as soon as I’m able, I’ll get a post or two written about our trips to the coasts: one to the Atlantic, and one to the Pacific. And, as soon as I can get Little Man to do some writing, I’ll share the blog I created for him to show off his own photography skills (drone aerial photography and GoPro footage), and for him to have writing practice.

In the meanwhile, life goes on.

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About mariner2mother

I'm a mother of a very spirited 14 year old son, and a former merchant ship's deck officer. To feed my creative side I take photos and make a very occasional batch of soap. I am also Reiki attuned and am a student of Energy Healing, having used several healing modalities to work on myself and my family.
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12 Responses to Struggling a Bit

  1. Sorry to hear about how you’re feeling. I can completely relate. Sounds like you and your son are going through changes and this can be overwhelming at times, I imagine.

    I struggle with fall and the shorter days in general, mainly because it conjures up so many negative memories (my dad died in November, my son had surgery in November, my mom almost died in October….etc.) I love fall usually but it’s a very melancholy time for me.

    Do you have any time to do things for yourself lately? Go for walks or meditate or do Reiki? I find when I take even a little time out for myself it helps (yesterday I managed to meditate 10 minutes uninterrupted!)

    • Thanks Darla. I’ve been trying to meditate lately, and I keep falling asleep. With the rain, rain and more rain, going outside it not appealing at all. I know things will get better; just frustrated that I can’t seem to write a post that I like, one that doesn’t come off as a whine or bitch fest. The kid had a massive panic attack Thursday when we drove to Seattle to the big aquarium there, and it really rocked me. Going to do some hypno work Monday to figure out what’s going on, and to bring on some more healing. Part of the overall funk is pressure I put on myself because of homeschooling, and part of the funk is because of chronic pain from injuries last winter that are being very slow to heal.

  2. janonlife says:

    You’re right – it will pass, but I understand that in the meantime it doesn’t feel good. Sounds like he’s picking up your feelings – as he does! – and your concerns about the pressures of home-ed. It’s a new academic year. Every single kid, teacher and home educator on the planet gets anxious at this time of year. It’s that ‘new start/ year older/ progress that needs to be made’ stuff. It will settle. Just tell yourself you’re doing a great job together. Maybe ask him to tell you some of the stuff he’s learned from spending these months with you. You know he can’t learn when he’s anxious, and he can’t relax when you’re anxious, so try taking all the pressure off yourself. Curl up in bed if that’s what your body tells you it needs and I’m sure healing will start to seep in there. Autumn/fall has loads of gifts for us. So does the rain. Hope you rediscover them soon.
    Take care x

    • Jan, thanks so much for your words of wisdom. We actually just went out to see a movie, together as a family, for the first time in a very long time. It was a great distraction.

  3. candidkay says:

    Sending you good thoughts. I hope this is just the transition–and that all will fall into place. I hate the mess in the interim–but life seems to test us this way.

    • Thanks Kris. Feeling better already. Don’t know what it was that hit me, but it really lambasted me for 2 or 3 days. Because it’s not new (happened more than a few times over the past about seven years), I’m going to look into in a hypnosis session this afternoon. Should be interesting to see what dynamics and or beliefs have been in play!

  4. sara says:

    Ah, it’s crap feeling like this. I know what you mean, we all have our own version of it. We think making a big change will make it easier, simply because the thing that was causing so much stress has been removed. But we forget to factor in adjustment time, which always takes longer than we think it should. Both my kids started new schools this year, and it took 6 months and more to adjust to getting up earlier, different expectations etc. There were lots of meltdowns from my youngest and lots of illness with my eldest. Sigh. It’s still going on, albeit less, in fourth term! I still think we did the right thing, but it takes time. Hold strong xo

    • Thanks Sara. I had an amazing hypnosis session a few days ago that shifted a lot of very old and deep “stuff.” And now, dealing with more integration. I’ll write about it soon.

  5. Lee Poskey says:

    Hi,
    May I share some hope with you?
    Life can be tough. But it really makes all the difference when you know that you have the righteousness of God imputed unto you.
    That’s right. By believing that the death, burial, and resurrection of the Lord Jesus Christ accomplished your forgiveness and justification. You are given the righteousness of God!
    How’s that for great news?

    “Even the righteousness of God which is by faith of Jesus Christ unto all and upon all them that believe” Romans 3.22

    God loves you.

    Grace and peace to you

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