When Mother’s Day Is Complicated

Mother’s Day sometimes brings up a host of feelings for me. You see, my mother was mentally ill, and because she wasn’t properly treated until I was half way through high school, her moods would swing from the deep lows of debilitating depression, into the highs of mania that seriously skewed her outlook on life. I was raised by a mother who couldn’t be a stable and loving mother all the time.

Looking back, I know she did the best she could, and that’s all anyone can ask. But when your mother verbally cuts you down, attacking at the drop of a hat, it has an effect on a person. What I didn’t know until I discovered healing work, was how the dynamics of our relationship, especially during my early years, affected me as an adult.

I thought moving out and being on my own, geographically separating myself from my mother, was the answer. If I’m not around to be the target of her mania, I’ll be ok. It took years and some really effective healing work to not only see how my formative years were creating dysfunction in my adult life, but to change it, to heal it. To let go of the pain and dysfunction.

It sometimes makes me sad that my mother and I didn’t have a close and loving relationship as many other people have. But when I became a mother myself, it warmed my heart to hear Mom tell me what a good mother I am to my son. Having no one close by to teach me, I was left to follow my heart and be resourceful. So far, it’s working out pretty well.

On this Mother’s Day, with Mom gone now, I send her love and appreciation.

from manure beautiful flowers grow

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About mariner2mother

I'm a mother of a twice gifted 15 year old son, and a former merchant ship's deck officer. To feed my creative side I take photos. I am also Reiki attuned and am a student of Energy Healing, having used several healing modalities to work on myself and my family. Our most recent adventure has me homeschooling my teenager and going through a spontaneous Kundalini Awakening.
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8 Responses to When Mother’s Day Is Complicated

  1. emjayandthem says:

    so well said. Happy Mother’s Day to you ~ MJ

  2. Eli Pacheco says:

    Mother’s Day is a tough one for me. I haven’t been close to my mom for a while. Not sure why. She scarcely now in my girls’ lives, too. I think that’s what irks me. I understand if you want to distance yourself from your only son, but not your grandkids.

    I think I should be the one who calls on Sundays and tries to forge a relationship again. Your post is a good reminder.

  3. Eli, I’m sorry things with your Mom are distant. If you make the move to reestablish a relationship, my very best thoughts and wishes to you. I learned something in a class that might help your situation – might help improve communication. It might sound odd, but it really can help. Before you call your Mom, when you’re in prayer or meditation, speak to her soul or her spirit from your heart. Let her know how much you love her and want her in your and your children’s lives (while in a meditative state). Might need to do it a few times before you actually talk with her.

  4. Healing yourself is an incredible gift to your son, and your self, Susan. What strength. xo

    • Thanks so much Dawn. Yes, it really has been a gift.

      But the reality of it was, I didn’t have to be strong. Healing was fairly easy and painless because I used regressive hypnosis. Unlike regular therapy, there was no rehashing painful events and trying to make sense of them by talking it all out. Much of the past was buried in my unconscious mind, only coming to light in a state where I was physically detached from the feelings. For me, this has been a very comfortable process. I highly recommend it.

  5. candidkay says:

    People who have the “typical” relationship with their mother can’t fathom, can they? But I give you so much credit for mining what you needed to –and mothering yourself. No matter the age, that’s a victory.

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