Here it is, the end of 2018, a year of uprising, of changing awareness. So many things were brought to light, both in the world, and in my own inner world. For many, it was an uncomfortable year, with politics and news being a constant source of voices of discontent. People acting out, speaking out, marching, and participating in discourse of all sorts.
When enough people reach a state of discontent, scales tip and the masses eventually rise up. Instead of using pitchforks and shovels, it’s marching with signs of protest and making change through voting. Word spreads like wildfire through the internet, the web of information that connects us (and can divide us), allowing change in mass awareness to happen so much faster than twenty years ago.
Sometimes in history, a person comes along who ups the ante, who causes immense disruption and discontent. And our current president is one of these men. His perception of the world is warped, and he exhibits classic traits of a narcissist. He lies at the drop of a hat, is extremely short-sighted, demands blind obedience and acts like a child when he’s under stress (which as President, is pretty much every day).
Because of this, he’s a master change agent.
Think about it, when everything is nice and comfy, we go on and live our lives much the same all the time. And why not? We only create change in our lives when something isn’t working. And pain is our #1 motivator. Both physical and emotional pain.
A quick look at the year’s headlines gives us a glimpse into things that reached new tipping points; where the line of what is acceptable and what isn’t, shifted. Awareness shifted. I think a lot of people, and probably men in particular, were shocked to see how many women they knew exclaimed #metoo. Shocked at how prevalent sexual harassment and assault has been and still is. And yes, #metoo.
We saw racism, sexism, and other isms come out for all to see. Brought out from behind the shadows.
And we saw rich and powerful people tumble.
Much like our outer world this past year has included a lot of upheaval, going through a Kundalini Awakening experience has brought up my own inner discontent.
This energy of change has been working on me, bringing up all sorts of unconscious beliefs that have been running my programming, healing at the deepest levels of my being. And in the process, facilitating my awareness to grow. Expanding my consciousness. Allowing me to see the world through different, more compassionate eyes. I no longer see life as only black or white, good or bad. It’s black and white, good and bad, and everything in between.
The tough part is usually transformation. The change itself. As a society, change takes a combination of action and time. Sometimes decades or generations. With a Kundalini Awakening, and especially a significant and somewhat spontaneous one, the first few years create the most drastic change, and as such, can be without doubt the most challenging to live through.
For some people, their Kundalini awakening is met with a complete overhaul of their exterior life. Relationships, jobs, health and homes often change. Things in their lives that weren’t really working, suddenly become intolerable and have to go.
For me, the awakening has occurred through inner, healing shifts. Parts of my inner world are changing significantly. Dissolving and reforming. Out with the old, that no longer serves me, and in with the new spiritual awareness.
Imagine being a caterpillar and you have to go through a complete metamorphosis into a butterfly, but without a cocoon. Imagine if we all sat back and watched a caterpillar’s structure dissolve and reform, while still expecting them to do things on a daily basis. That’s what life has been like in some ways for the past year and then some.
Being expected to do all the things I’ve done for years, while undergoing massive metamorphosis. And not only do things I’ve done for years, but adding to my plate the job of educating my teenage son and dealing with his mental health issues.
This process of change is physical, emotional, and mental. And sometimes it’s absolutely brutal. There have been many days when I do only what I absolutely have to do; only what’s critical. Because that’s the best I can do at the time.
That said, looking back to a year ago, the process is moving forward. I believe I’m past the most challenging and difficult part. On an upswing. Finally.
The overarching desire for this past year has been the deep desire to feel “normal” again. To feel like myself. To have energy to do what I used to do without batting an eye, and to engage fully with life, instead of existing in a self-created cocoon: just trying to survive. To survive something that can’t be seen or measured by any scientific instrument or test. And as such, really isn’t know in my country, or understood. This country of science and reason. Sometimes I wish I had been born in India. But I digress.
A few months ago, a forty-year old piece of plastic that had been holding a shelf of heavy dishes in my kitchen cabinet, suddenly gave way. A few minutes after hearing a mysterious thump, coming from my kitchen, I heard a loud crash. Turning from my computer, I saw a waterfall of dishes cascading out of the cupboard, hitting the granite countertop and then the oak floor. The noise of breaking stoneware seemed to go on forever as every dinner plate, lunch plate, and a stack of soup bowls poured out of the cupboard, landing on the kitchen floor. Very few made it without breaking. And I’d only recently emptied the dish washer, so most of what I had was there. It was crazy!
After a few minutes of shock and awe, my focus became one of looking forward to new dishes. I found a stack of dinner plates I’d bought years ago and tucked away in a different cabinet. And I got to go shop for new lunch plates, in a pretty pattern I love, picking up more soup bowls, too. After the clean up, my kitchen floor was cleaner than it had been in a few weeks.
In the cycle of life, you can either focus on destruction or construction. It’s up to you.
It will be interesting to see where 2019 takes me, and takes us as a country. I intend to see more coherence and connection, and while there will still be battles and skirmishes, don’t be mislead by headlines created to sell newspapers. Overall, things are moving in the direction of compassion and unity.
We are all threads in one massive tapestry of life, each contributing and all valid. Some green, while others are gold. Some tied up in knots, throwing tantrums every other day, while others flowing smoothly. Every thread is important to the makeup of the tapestry, whether we know it or not.
As we roll out of 2018 and into 2019, my wish for all of you is peace and happiness. And to help with this, if you’re having a tough time, know that if you’re here, you matter and are very necessary.