Present

Being present is a gift we give ourselves.

When you’re in the present moment, you’re not mired in the past, thinking about what you should have or could have done, or having regrets or anger about this or that. And you’re not throwing all sorts of fears and worry into the future. When you are solidly in the here and now, you are grounded. Feet firmly planted in the dirt. Like the roots of a tree. And the more deep and solid your roots, the more present you’re able to be.

In spiritual circles, we use the term grounded to mean fully present and focused in the moment. And the easiest way to be fully present is when we’re doing something we love. What’s tricky, what takes work, is to be grounded, focused in the present moment, when we’re not doing things. When we have a quiet moment. Which is why for some people, doing nothing, just being with themselves with no external stimulation like TV or radio, can be really hard.

One of the processes of going through my Kundalini Awakening has been having my brain quite literally rewired. The way I see and experience the world is very different from how it was two years ago. However, while the rewiring is going on, there’s an experience of neural synapses dying off and new ones growing that takes time. And it’s not a one time event. As my entire consciousness and energy field changes, it’s happening as a series of shifts. Bit by bit. Shift by shift. New awareness by new awareness. It’s been happening gradually, and continually for the past two years.

While it’s been quite frankly an amazing process, having my brain rewired to this extent has not been fun. In fact, there has been too much time when it’s felt like hell. Trust me, the Bible’s version of hell is dead wrong. It’s not something that happens after death (unless you create it). We experience it here on Earth. But I digress.

While my brain has been changing, in addition to seeing the world through much more compassionate and understanding eyes, no longer automatically judging people, I struggle to be able to focus in the here and now. It’s like my thoughts are a squirrel racing around a tree, jumping from branch to branch. Sometimes jumping out of fear of becoming someone’s dinner. My squirrely mind jumps into the future the moment I start thinking about some things, and dives into the past when I think about others.

When this first happened, it sparked buckets of fear. And I had no control over it. However, because my wiring was changing, the larger part of me knew the fear-based thoughts were lies. It’s weird to suddenly become afraid of something, and a split second later know for a fact that what you just thought is not the absolute truth. I’m talking about irrational thoughts that have no basis in present reality.

But what’s gradually happening is a dissolution of fear, regret, anger, sadness, and judgment associated with the thoughts. Very, very, very gradually. Over several months.

My biggest personal frustration with having a brain that’s really struggling to focus for shit, is losing my former ability to write. To have (temporarily) lost the flow. To have lost the ability to craft words into a beautiful piece that conveys not only information, but feeling and emotion. To feel so robotic in my writing much of the time, and lose my train of thought every few minutes. It’s exhausting trying to hang onto words and to remember what I was trying to say, as words and phrases drop out of my brain. Putting together a post that’s complete feels like climbing Mount Kilimanjaro most days.

So I’ll wrap this one up with a piece of wisdom that’s come to me during my spiritual expansion. Whenever you feel like you’re spinning out of control or life feels overwhelming, or if your find yourself constantly worrying about something, do what you can to change things so you feel better, but not before sitting down with yourself.

Sit down (or go for a walk) and remind yourself that right now, right here, in this discrete moment in time, you are safe and you are ok. (Repeat as needed). Your brain might be telling you otherwise, but your heart knows differently. Because in truth, there is only the present moment.

About mariner2mother

I'm a mother of a creative 19 year old son, a former merchant ship's deck officer, and a wife. To feed my creative side I take photos. I am also Reiki attuned and am a student of Energy Healing, having used several healing modalities to work on myself and my family. My most recent adventure has me navigating a very challenging Kundalini Awakening.
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7 Responses to Present

  1. simplywendi says:

    thank you for such an encouraging post. bless you.

  2. candidkay says:

    Oh, the brain thing. I completely get it. First it was brain fog. Then it was, why can’t I hear my own muse anymore? But sounds like you’re gearing up for a whole new level of good . . .

    • So you’ve BTDT too. And yes, very hard to hear my muse (and guidance). I’ll become inspired to write about something, and a minute later it’s gone. Or I’ll be writing, lose my train of though and mojo, and I’m done. And thank you, yes, it will be a whole new level. Would really like to be there now. Getting glimpses now and then.

  3. For me, it’s a nonstop process. Trying to let go of attachments, fear and just BE. Going with the flow when my little squirrel brain (love that!) has other plans. I am back into meditating every day for at least 10 minutes. It’s a time for me to remind myself that all I have right now is my presence, my breath, my essence. Of course, as soon as I stop meditating, all the normal life crap seeps back in. But I’m finding it easier to tap into that underlying sense of peace and calm that we all have buried below the surface. Great post again, Susan!

    • Thanks and good for you. Keep going. One day, I hope to take hypnosis training to help people heal the “stuff” that prevents them from having a state of peace and calm all the time.

  4. Hi, Susan. Good reminder that you’re safe and ok, even if your brain suggests otherwise. Bob

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