Welcome 2020

It feels strange to be at the beginning of a new decade, yet here we are. In many ways, it’s just like any other day or week, yet it’s not. When I look back at the past ten years, I’m struck by how much has changed. Not only has my energetic seven-year-old son turned into a teenager who’d rather hide out in his bedroom and spend time online with his friends, but the person I was is long gone, courtesy of two different spiritual awakenings.

These days, my son, taller than his father, is plugging his way through high school requirements, and is little more than halfway through. Because we work with an independent study private school, what school looks like for him is much different than it did when he went to public school. In some ways, it’s much better, because he can get the one on one attention at home that he so often needs, living with learning disabilities. Yet, because of the grueling Kundalini awakening process I’ve been going through for almost three years now, there have been many a day when I wished my son was back in public school with teachers who aren’t me have proper training and having exposure to classes he won’t have at home. Nevertheless, we push on.

Ten years ago, I was a wife and mother with a passion for photography and writing. And just a few months into 2011, through a series of synchronous events, I experienced a very unexpected spiritual awakening. The process wasn’t uncomfortable at all, and in fact, felt like a curiosity that had been lying dormant within me woke up with ferocity. The desire to know everything about energy healing – and to know it yesterday. From 2011 to 2017, life sent me down the rabbit hole of healing and learning about healing. It was magical. And it was invaluable during the time of my parents’ demise, from September 2011 when they were both hospitalized, through my father’s and then my mother’s deaths in 2012, to emptying out and selling the family house early in 2013.

Upon my first awakening, I read voraciously, studied, watched interviews, took classes and workshops, had healing sessions, and every once in awhile practiced healing on my family. By the end of 2016, during healing sessions, I noticed that what was able to be healed was so much more than when I began working with this same hypnotherapist in 2013. Looking for root causes of emotional triggers usually took me back to childhood events that laid dormant in my unconscious mind, but from time to time my regression would end up in a previous lifetime. Leftover emotional pain (often fear) was still affecting me and we addressed and healed it.

By the end of February 2017, so much of my inner landscape had been healed that my soul conspired to create yet another massive shift in my consciousness, another awakening. This time, followed by Kundalini energy opening. The way I saw life began to shift quite dramatically, and Kundalini began its work on me. One of the things about my Kundalini awakening process has been unrelenting inner shifting, healing. Some people would say my ego is dying. It’s not dying, it’s being healed, belief by belief, Kundalini energy helping to bring it all up. Separated parts of my soul are being reunited with me, changing my consciousness. Changing how I see the world (with more compassion and understanding) and how I respond to life (with far less judgment and emotional reactivity).

Because I’ve never been a spiritual seeker and never in my wildest dreams expected to have a spiritual awakening, never mind two, searching for language to describe the hell ride I’ve been on for almost the past three years has been tough. Much of the language to describe what I’ve been going through comes from Eastern philosophies and schools of thought. Westerners are too much in our minds, needing scientific proof.

Yet here I sit, a science geek who needed proof before she believed things she couldn’t see, trying to describe a completely transformational process that can’t be seen or measured by current scientific instruments.

A few weeks ago, I found a YouTube channel of a woman who’s been through what I’m going through and is well out the other side. Keep in mind that each and every Kundalini experience is as unique as every person, yet there are similarities. So, if you’re at all interested in the topic of spiritual awakening, what they look like, and tips to help you survive a difficult one, check out Christina Lopes. She also offers coaching services to help people navigate spiritual awakenings.

I seem to have found the people and support I’ve needed to get through. And the tag end of 2018 through 2019 had me back to working in hypnotherapy after a year and a half break. Two of the biggest challenges during this intense process have been very literally rewiring my body and brain, creating havoc with my ability to think clearly and be energetic. As such, my ability to write has often been severely compromised. Hence, the dearth of posts on this blog over the past three years. It’s a temporary state, yet temporary when it comes to these sorts of awakenings can last for a number of years.

In the meanwhile, more of my postings have been on my sister blog, Remembering My Divinity, where I began to chronicle my healing journey in life back in 2016, and lately, my Kundalini awakening process. It’s real, it’s raw, and filled with spiritual perspective and wisdom.

Several years ago I stopped making New Year’s resolutions focused on my external life. This year, my resolve will be what it’s been for the past several years: to make it through what life throws at me with as much grace and ease as possible, without judging what that looks like.

And if I were to pick a word of the year (WOTY), it would be Clarity. To be able to see things clearly from the 30,000 ft. view of life, or as spiritual teacher Abraham-Hicks says, from a broader perspective. And to have very literally a clearer mind every day. Thinking through mud has not been fun or easy. Here’s to 2020 being full of clarity!

 

About mariner2mother

I'm a mother of a creative 18 year old son, a former merchant ship's deck officer, and a wife. To feed my creative side I take photos. I am also Reiki attuned and am a student of Energy Healing, having used several healing modalities to work on myself and my family. My most recent adventure has me navigating a very challenging Kundalini Awakening.
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10 Responses to Welcome 2020

  1. janonlife says:

    Yes, I second that. The ‘2020 vision’ idea is, already sounding clichéd, but clarity of vision is certainly worth striving for.
    Wishing you a fascinating year.

  2. candidkay says:

    Clarity. What a great word for your year! And as I read through your story yet again, I realized you and I both went through similar things. I was just reflecting the other night on my divorce, losing both my parents, bouts of cancer for friends and family–and how very changed I am on the other side of it all. Here’s to continuing to be guided (both of us!) and blessings beyond measure. Happy 2020:).

  3. Thank you for sharing all of your personal experiences and spiritual awakenings with us. I will definitely check out that link too. Happy New Year to you and your family!

    • Whoa, I love Christina Lopes’s video! I’ve subscribed already. She basically described how I felt with my first awakening after my dad died 28 years ago. I can’t wait to watch her other videos now. Thank you!

      • You’re very welcome. I didn’t realize you went through an awakening. (I’m really brain dead lately). Did the shifts and changes go on for very long?

        • I just watched her other video about the stages of awakening. Gave me chills! I had an awakening after my dad died. I was very attuned to the spiritual world since I was a kid anyway, but more so after he passed. The “dark night” stage was very long. I call those year my “dark years”. However, the benefit of this was I was communicated with my dad and guides a lot during this time. I had my hermit stage where I just wanted to be alone. I had weeks where I wouldn’t even talk to another human being (just like Christina mentioned she went through in her video). I was very close to source at this time because honestly, that was all I felt I had at that point. I felt very adrift and lost so I had to seek solace by going inward. This lasted something like 5 years for me (from 21 to 26 years old).

          I am going through another big shift/awakening now after my last regression session I had a year ago. I floated around in the “bliss stage” for weeks. I loved everyone and every living thing…I felt how everyone is truly “one” and connected. I didn’t feel all those old feelings/emotions of anger, jealousy, sadness. I knew that wouldn’t last and man did I come crashing down not long after!

          Now I really feel like I’m in the “dark night” stage again for the past year. I feel anxiety like never before, feel lost etc. I’m hoping with more meditation I can possibly relieve some of this suffering I’m feeling, but it’s VERY slow going. I know I’m on the brink of progressing to a calmer, more peaceful level so it’s frustrating. But I know this is necessary for my soul to purge the past hurts and pain and suffering. Looking forward to that butterfly emerging from the cocoon stage for sure!

          • You’re so not alone right now. And yes, meditate. I wish I could, but the moment I remove all distraction, my mind is a horror show. Can’t focus for beans. Mind fills with thoughts of anxiety and other crud I know are lies. But being talked down into hypnosis, I can do. And do about every 4-6 weeks. That’s how I shift and release. And each session’s release is very deep. I love Christina’s vid that has myths of Kundalini awakening. One myth being that a person has control over having one, or over the process itself. I sure am not in control. And yeah, left bliss behind by the summer of 2017. Been dark night ever since. Get Reiki if you can. Whatever healing work you can do will help.

    • Happy New Year to you and yours too!

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