“We’ve got to take the baby out. Tonight!”
“It’s too early!” I sobbed as an OB I’d just met broke the news to me mere hours after I’d been worried about the lack of my baby’s activity. Hours after putting off getting checked out, telling myself it could wait until morning. I rationalized it was already past three pm and I was just worried about nothing. But the more I rationalized, the more I felt like a caged tiger pacing back and forth. I had to take action.
After going to my midwife, just to make sure things were ok, I found out they weren’t. In shock and worried about my baby, the one I’d waited and waited to have until life was right, I cried. No planned peaceful hypnobirth. I didn’t have a bag packed for my baby’s birth and hadn’t bought a diaper yet. But when the OB was called in to do the emergency c-section I was all on board. There was no choice.
Lying on the operating room table with a blue sheet between me and the operating field, I was awake as the doctor did her thing. My husband sat by my head waiting. There was barely a word spoken as the doctor skillfully took the baby out. It’s not like on tv or in the movies where they deliver the baby and happily show the expectant parents their new pride and joy while announcing the sex. I was told nothing. Finally, I asked, “Is it a boy?” as the ultrasound tech had told us. “Yes.”
I heard a squeak and wondered why there was a mouse in the operating room. It was odd. A moment later I realize the mouse was my baby trying to breathe and the reality of it all hit me like a ton of bricks – that I was a mother – and I burst into tears. Suddenly a feeling of calm flowed over and through me as someone whispered into my thoughts, “It’s going to be ok. Everything’s going to be fine.” My new thirty-three weeker would be ok.
Years later as I was visiting with an intuitive friend, I recounted this story to her and asked who or what spoke to me that night filling me with calm? It was my guardian angel. Whether we know it or not we all have them. Beings who exist in a world not of this world, who communicate with us through signs, symbols, gut feelings, and whispers.
They move chess pieces around an invisible board only when needed. As much as I know I planned the possibility for things to happen in my life before I was born including struggle and heartbreak, losing my son before he was born was not in the plans. And my guardian angel let me know to give me the strength I’d need in the upcoming weeks.
Guardians in our life aren’t only angels that agree to look over us but are family who cross over, like grandparents, aunts, uncles, parents and even siblings. And they can be friends and acquaintances who agree to help us on our life’s journey after dying before their time.
I didn’t know until about four years after my aunt’s death that she’d been what I call an angel in life who looked out for me behind the scenes. Because of my mother’s mental illness, my aunt couldn’t get too close to me or my mother might have cut her out of my life. But she always cared a great deal about me and sent me love often. All the warm and loving testimonies I heard at my aunt’s funeral that left me baffled finally made sense.
When I have a healing session, these days I use hypnosis as the modality to help me connect within and create change. One of the most fun parts of every session is at the end after things have been shifted and released and my spirit team surrounds me in joyous celebration. There’s always a crowd of beings, from angels to guides, to family and friends cheering me on, supporting me.
One of the earliest lessons I learned about spirituality, even before I woke up or was interested in spirituality was we’re never alone, even when we feel like it. There are always beings in spirit with us, supporting us and guiding us. They won’t step in and do for us: that’s ours.
The living of our life, having experiences based on our choices and decisions is ours. They’re our gold nuggets, the juice we squeeze. It’s part of the tapestry of life that’s ours to weave.
But our guardians will step in when harm that’s not meant to befall us becomes imminent. (That’s a story for another day). They’ll shift this or tweak that to protect us or to comfort us. Otherwise, they speak to us through signs, symbols, whispers, and gut feelings.
Even if you’re not sure about having a guardian, in times of need or struggle ask for help. Ask to be shown what’s the next step, and when you hear a song on the radio that reminds you of something, listen to where it’s pointing. There are no coincidences and you’re never “just lucky”. Pay attention. Honor your heart’s whispers.