Eight years ago today, Christmas Eve was an ordinary day of mothering my son, getting excited about Christmas, and having just returned from shopping when the unthinkable happened. With the rear hatch of my minivan open I answered my cell phone. It was my mother’s caregiver calling from across the country.
When she’d gone upstairs to call Mom to eat, there was no response. After 911, I was the next call. Mom had died. While the medics were tending to her they found a suicide note and several empty pill bottles. The note was cliché saying she was in a better place. It would take a while, but I eventually realized she was indeed in a better place.
Living a lifetime with mental illness, upon Dad’s death ten months prior, Mom’s medication no longer kept her moods in check. She spiraled up and then down necessitating two hospitalizations within seven months. It was evident that she couldn’t even begin to process Dad’s death. Along with uncontrolled Bipolar illness, I’d began to notice some dementia as well.
Three months after Mom died, I’d been thinking about doing some more hypnosis work and the Universe connected me with a soul-directed transpersonal hypnotherapist. She combined her experience as a therapist with hypnosis techniques and blended in spirituality for a powerful healing modality that fast-forwarded my healing journey.
Three years after Mom’s death, having merely a handful of hypnotherapy sessions a year, I was in a really good place not only with my mother having committed suicide, but with our complicated relationship in general.
As much as I felt that I’d healed pretty much everything possible with regards to my relationship with my mother, after Kundalini energy opened, facilitating healing at an entirely new level, I experienced a moment of even deeper understanding about my mother’s mental health challenges, and healed even more. It felt like the rest of our relationship was healed. Like any pre-birth agreements we’d made were completed.
Because I’m still going through a very steep ascension process, the past few years have been challenging in new ways, and I’m learning to walk my way through it all (with some excellent help).
However, this past year has brought new levels of challenge world-wide with the Coronavirus pandemic, and with unusually high levels of stress there’s been much more depression and anxiety in the world, and more suicides.
If you know someone who committed suicide and you’re struggling with processing it all, this beautiful article by Robert Schwartz, author of “Your Soul’s Plan” and “Your Soul’s Gift,” gives a perspective of suicide most people aren’t aware of, and it’s very healing.
The case discussed in the article is of a mother grieving the loss of her son by suicide.
“ ‘Every suicide preventable by outside forces was indeed prevented.’ What he means is that if the suicidal person has the slightest openness to changing their mind, the Universe knows, and the Universe stages an intervention. It could be something as simple as a bird flying by and distracting the person, or something as dramatic as an angel assuming human form and physically interceding. If you have lost a loved one to suicide, know this: There was literally nothing you could have done to save them.
You are not to blame.
You are not at fault.
You did not fail them.
Therein rests your healing. Therein lies your peace.” (From Your Soul’s Gift, chapter 11).
And I know from personal experience that if a person’s journey in life isn’t done, their suicide attempt will be prevented. The fact that my mother’s suicide attempt was successful means her death was permitted. There was agreement with her soul and the greater Universe which allowed her life experience to end. And she was met with great love on the other side. She still exists; just not as a physical being right now.
With everything we’ve learned living through 2020, may 2021 be a year filled with as much grace and ease as possible.
If you’re in the USA and need help, the suicide prevention hotline is 800-273-8255. The Crisis Text Line website has numbers to text from the USA and Canada, the UK, and Ireland if you’re stressed out for any reason.