I grew up being taught that evil is something really bad. The worst, in fact. To be evil was the worst possible thing a person could be. It meant they had no conscience, hurt people indiscriminately, were totally selfish, and when they died they’d end up in hell for eternity. Pretty heavy stuff.
A few years ago I worked regularly with a spiritual hypnotherapist who helped me get in touch with my inner world to facilitate walking me through this Kundalini awakening. When I was in the middle of the difficult task of separating from my older brother so we’d no longer share legal obligations, I had been really weak and tired and had a chronically foggy and fuzzy head for too long. (Just to be sure it was part of my awakening process and not an illness, I checked in with my doctor and there was nothing physically wrong). With my patience for my ever procrastinating brother gone, I wanted to see if I could shift my energy from the inside out. I needed to function and feel better.
During the healing session, when I looked into the feelings of exhaustion and fogginess, a young voice spoke up. About four years old, she was very scared and overwhelmed by life. She saw a spinning tornado of wonky energy and was scared saying, “Help me. I can’t do this alone.” She kept saying life was too hard and she wanted to go back to the other side where things were easier. She wished she hadn’t incarnated. She felt quite alone and overwhelmed.
Pretty soon another voice came through. One that sounded demonic. It kept telling the little girl that life is supposed to be hard. It felt menacing and evil. It felt like it was pushing the little girl. My hypnotherapist had me contain the voice using a screen, like a movie screen, to put some distance between us.
Once the voice was contained within the screen, higher wisdom began to flow through me.
“That demonic voice is the voice of crazy, and its purpose is so I won’t trust myself. Its purpose is to fuck me up in the head – and it’s laughing and saying it’s been doing a really good job. It’s just laughing and laughing because it knows as long as we don’t trust ourselves, we’re miserable… and spinning, chasing our tails. Lack of trust is evil.”
When we talk about evil, that’s the core of it. It’s not trusting ourselves… not being connected to our core essence. And all of the stuff that comes out of that is what we call evil.
Once all that came out, all that was left was helping the four-year-old in me trust herself again, but how? I learned a few years before this, during another healing session, that it’s not my job to know how to do things like this. They happen by magic, and that’s where my spirit team comes in. That day, Archangel Michael made an appearance and created magic.
Once my inner child was happy and reconnected with me, my hypnotherapist asked a few more questions about feeling so tired and foggy-headed, and my higher self let me know I was past the worst of things, and I’m going through a finite process that won’t last forever.
Yes, I’m still not myself yet, but very gradually making my way there. And in the meanwhile, having spiritual perspectives not only come to me but embodying them changes the way I see the world.
Knowing that when someone appears evil, the truth is they’ve lost their sense of core trust in themselves as loving beings, I find it easier to handle atrocities in the world. It doesn’t mean I like them or condone them in the least. And I have zero interest in getting close to someone like that. But evil doesn’t stop me in my tracks. The inside of an evil person is a young child who is absolutely terrified and completely disempowered.