I had a psychic reading last week to help give me a new perspective on something about my past. I not only got an interesting new perspective but also was told about a concept that had never occurred to me before: that there’s safety built into our soul agreements. Not necessarily physical safety here in our world, but a sense of spiritual safety. A higher understanding that we’re choosing to go through certain experiences at a soul level with the hopes we’ll grow and evolve.
Every single experience we have in our lives will be examined in the afterlife and mined for gold. The good ones and the bad. If we don’t grow from things while we’re alive, we do after death.
When we’re about to have an interaction with someone that’s not in our soul’s best interest, or something’s happening that wasn’t foreseen during the planning phase before we’re born, our guardians both here on Earth and in spirit jump into action to protect us. Those who’ve read this blog already know I went through some very challenging things in my younger life at the hands of two family members. A bit of this was pre-planned in spirit, but not all of it.
My soul and the soul of my older brother have great love for each other in spirit, yet even in spirit the psychic saw that he carries a tendency to be a bit of a bully. During a past life regression I had several years ago, I saw that despite a contentious relationship during that lifetime, after we died and went back to spirit we were buddies. But I didn’t realize his soul carries a characterization that plays out as the bully repeatedly. Our relationships have been ones where we’ve been rivals in many lifetimes.
Part of our soul agreement before I was born, was for him to do hurtful things to me to set up the challenge of finding love for him again. Or if not love, understanding and acceptance. With all the healing I’ve done and am doing, feeling hurt about the past is pretty much gone. But I never know when something is going to bubble up from my inner world that relates to our relationship – something more to be healed.
The beautiful gift I’ve been given in a handful of psychic readings has been to be shown several times in my life when spirit has stepped in to protect me, keeping me from harm. And one spirit in particular had the task of keeping me safe when I was younger and dating. Keeping me safe from men who wanted to do me harm when it wasn’t an agreement between souls. Either my intuition kicked in and steered me away from them or situations were created to protect me. Boy was my guardian busy when I was in my twenties!
Many people who experience child abuse have life-long trouble with relationships and either never commit to a romantic partnership or go through a lot of break-ups and divorce. But from the first day I caught my husband’s eye and something inside me came alive, I’ve only had eyes for him. And he for me. Our souls agreed to be here for each other. Even though we have our disagreements, we always come back together. That’s an example of safety in our soul agreement. There’s always a part of each of us who knows we chose to be together.
One of the things I learned from the recent psychic reading was that the original soul agreement between me and my older brother included my being born before him. Our mother was pregnant before my older brother, and she lost the pregnancy at about six months along due to a horrific car accident. She nearly died, breaking several bones and requiring life-saving surgery. At the time, my soul had already decided to be incarnated and had begun visiting the fetus inside my mother. But with the death of the fetus, my spirit retreated and plans changed. Instead of keeping the original birth order, my older brother essentially bullied his way to the front of the line and was born before me. I was born second. (I only wish my mother were alive for me to share this with her – that the child she lost wasn’t truly lost. But being in spirit I’m sure she already knows this.)
Changing the birth order created an unexpected ripple effect that according to 2 trusted psychics changed a lot about how my life rolled out. And most significantly, instead of merely butting heads in our relationship or feeling hurt by my brother, things took an unplanned sexual turn. From what I’ve been told, molestation and becoming pregnant wasn’t part of the original plan, which is why I now see how the tight secrecy around it when I was growing up was orchestrated or at least facilitated by spirit. I’ve marveled at how I was able to finish a school year hiding my pregnancy, spending the summer hidden away in a home for unwed mothers while people believed lies concocted. And making it back to school only 3 weeks late with more believable lies keeping my secret until I was ready to tell.
Yes, I carried a lot of shame for decades, and when spirit had an opening, an angel came to me and healed it. My soul chose to be hurt by my brother so it was allowed. I chose to become disempowered by my family so I could find a way to reclaim it – and I have. While things continue to be revealed over years, I can’t help but to think part of this life’s plan that had no wiggle room was to have a spiritual awakening, dive into energy healing, and learn how to help myself.
One of the hardest things to grasp is when our souls choose to take on agreements with other souls putting us through experiences that here in our very human world truly suck. Having someone you love severely hurt or killed by someone. Being abused, cheated on, or abandoned. It’s hard for people to not sink into despair and guilt or to feel like a victim. After all, that’s our natural tendency, and I’ve been there and done that for sure. I lived with hatred and bitterness for decades.
Sitting with a skilled psychic or seeing things for myself using hypnotherapy has made all the difference. Not only seeing things but healing them. Having somatic, felt experiences that allowed me to reclaim lost power and personal boundaries, heal how I feel about my body, and heal all sorts of fears and rage, has transformed my life.
Something else that was recently seen psychically for me was a thread of connection between some of the fallout from the deviated soul plan and my somewhat wonky energy. When Kundalini energy is activated, it essentially comes alive in the body and takes on the task of healing energy blocks and changing the expression of our DNA. For me it’s felt like Kundalini vibrates blocks one by one, pushing them from deep in my subconscious up to the surface where they’re healed either in a healing session or when I’m able to do it myself in contemplation. It’s a process that’s physical, mental, and spiritual.
When I asked the psychic to see what’s been going on with my lack of physical energy for the past few years, she saw that the Kundalini energy isn’t fully flowing; that I’ve got an energetic block from childhood impacting it, distorting it. She saw that yes, energy is flowing up into my body from Earth, but when I experienced childhood trauma I created a block that’s acting like a cork in a bottle to the Kundalini energy, preventing a particular facet of it from freely flowing through my body, up and out of my head, and connecting with the Cosmos. She saw my Kundalini energy as being a bit off-kilter.
The picture below is a simplified diagram of our energy with activated Kundalini energy shown as black and white snakes. The snakes represent masculine and feminine energies that intertwine within us.
Given an idea as to what’s blocked, I’ll be investigating and healing in my upcoming hypnotherapy session. It was a bit bittersweet to find out that sexual abuse wasn’t originally in the cards for me this time around, but I’ve managed to heal from so very much of it.
And the reading was further confirmation that a lost pregnancy doesn’t necessarily mean all is truly lost.