Life’s been messy. Not necessarily outwardly messy, although my home could use a deep cleaning, but it’s been my inner world. My inner world was loaded into a big slingshot and flung fast and far a little over five years ago courtesy of an intense spiritual awakening, a Kundalini awakening, and while listening to a new podcast today, the phrase “unfolding through the mess” came to me.
It so eloquently describes the process I’ve been living, going through, healing through. Healing duality.
Picture a rose with petal after petal unfurling, unfolding, despite rain showers, blazing sun, mud being splashed upon it, or being eaten by a deer. Well, sure, no more unfolding once it’s eaten, but you catch my drift.
Think of a young child growing, learning, playing, stretching. Getting hungry, dirty, whiny, and tired, and finally falling asleep, only to wake and do it all over again.
It’s spring in my part of the world and plants are waking up. Fiddleheads are beginning to unfurl, woody stems are peppered with buds and young leaves, and after lying dormant all winter our local flowering bulb crops are showing off their blooms.
The wintery thick blanket of low clouds that hang around for weeks has been pulled off the bed, swapped out for beautiful blue skies and white puffy clouds dropping rain and sleet as they pass by. With warmer weather calling us outside things are still wet enough to warrant mud boots.
The thing about mud and rain, and going through all sorts of things in life is sure, they make things messy, they make things hard, but we keep going.
We find our people, we know what works for us – or figure it out – and we keep going.
About a dozen years ago when I was working in hypnotherapy, my son had been having a very rough time which stressed me out, and in the healing, a spiritual truth was revealed to me.
We each have our own path in life to walk and as much as we may want to take away another person’s pain and struggle, we can only do so much. It’s up to each individual to put one foot in front of the next and walk their own life path. Yes, we support and love each other, but ultimately the journey is ours. As a mother, this helped me loosen the reins a bit.
My own journey has been unfolding and healing and unfolding more and healing more. It’s been painful, exhausting, and messy. And it’s been life-altering, incredible, and filled with so much love.
With having recovered a repressed memory from childhood just a month ago, as much as the revelation came with healing and more spiritual knowledge about my life’s journey, this aspect of my inner world isn’t done with me yet. There are still parts of my little girl who are unfolding and letting themselves be known bit by bit. There is more discomfort to dive into and heal.
I’m so ready for it. To meet the little one inside and love her back into my heart.