Many years ago when I was just out of college and had been with my then-sweetheart for about three years, I became pregnant. At this point, our relationship was long-distance while he pursued his second master’s degree halfway across the country. During one of our visits, we were hormonal and stupid and didn’t use protection. We’d been pretty good about using protection in general, but this day we got lazy. Unfortunately, although I loved him very much I was already seeing a red flag telling me he wasn’t the one I would marry.
My abortion story is actually pretty short. Knowing I wasn’t nearly ready to become a mother, after a conversation with my boyfriend I got an abortion. A safe and legal procedure at a local clinic where I didn’t have to walk through a picket line. I didn’t realize how lucky I was.
After becoming pregnant through molestation when I was a very young teen, having the baby (because the pregnancy was quite far along when everything came out), and giving her up for adoption, I promised myself no way in hell would I have another baby until I was ready. Until I could support myself, was in a committed relationship, and had my own home. And I kept the promise.
The recent reversal of Roe v. Wade is nothing short of an assault on women’s rights. It was nothing more than a political power play. It’s not about the right to life when some states are banning abortion outright, even in cases of rape and medically necessary abortions. I have a friend who’s a nurse, whose road to becoming a mother included becoming pregnant six times, having four spontaneous miscarriages and one medically necessary D&C that some people would define as an abortion (even though her son died in utero and wasn’t being expelled).
Even though I never regretted having the abortion, I was surprised when it came up in a healing session about five years ago.
I wanted to look at what I could heal in myself to help my son, who had all sorts of struggles, and early on in the session when my hypnotherapist brought in my son’s higher self, he told me to heal blocks in my heart. It would not only help me but him as well because we’re all energetically connected. Plus, the more I healed in myself, the more present and loving I could be overall.
When my hypnotherapist had me focus on my heart and ask to see what was blocking it, an image from when I was around twelve came up. My inner twelve-year-old was pissed at me that I’d left her behind when she was being abused. I was walked through a healing process that created a heart-to-heart reconnection with this part of myself, dissolving the anger and setting her free.
Just prior to ending the session to make sure there was nothing else to address, my hypnotherapist took me through another quick process. She moved me forward in time to make sure we were finished with this heart block. Much to my surprise, after moving easily through several years of my life a large black block stopped the process. There was something else I needed to work on that would have to wait until our next session.
A week later, picking up where we left off I saw a big black cube lodged in my heart chakra blocking the flow of love and Source energy. Tuning into the block I felt fear and following the fear back to its roots I went back in time, surprisingly all the way back to my initial separation from Source. I knew this had to do with each time I was born and the veil of forgetting came down separating me from God leaving me feeling completely alone. When that moment happened, the feeling of being an individual no longer connected to God Source caused feelings of tremendous fear and isolation. Aloneness. No support.
Because I had trouble creating a healing shift, my hypnotherapist asked for a being of the highest vibration to come in and help. Bowled over by the amount of love he carried, I cried when Archangel Michael suddenly appeared. Instantaneously things shifted and the block began to dissolve. It morphed into pieces of fabric that began to unravel one by one. As they unraveled, Archangel Michael gathered up the thread to take it back to Source. (Energy is neither created nor destroyed but changes forms).
As pieces of fabric unraveled, more pieces appeared. Because the process seemed to take a while I asked it to speed up. After a moment of picturing things going really quickly, I heard a voice telling me to slow down. When my hypnotherapist asked who the voice was, I focused on it and saw the soul of the one I’d aborted years ago.
He came in with so much love that it brought me to tears. He came in to let me know that we had an agreement for me to have an abortion, so I could experience control over the direction of my life. I needed to have an experience of self-determination, and deciding to not become a mother at that time gave me buckets of power and control back that I’d lost. It was the first time in my life that I had any real control over the course of my life. Being able to have the abortion changed the trajectory of my life such that it is what it is today. It wouldn’t have happened otherwise. He did this out of love for me. And his soul has been with me the entire time, sending me love. During times in my life when I’ve forgotten who I am (forgotten my God-self), he sends me love. He sends me things that open my heart, like pictures and music that remind me of love. And he whispers in my ear.
We wrapped up the session and I sat utterly gobsmacked at what happened. One of the reasons I love using hypnotherapy as a healing modality is it not only helps me easily create changes in my life from the inside out, but it opens the door to all sorts of healing I never see coming. It allows higher wisdom to come through to teach me and create even deeper healing. And after the session, I felt greater peace inside.
I never regretted my choice to have an abortion years ago, but I also never realized it was a major step in my having authority over my life. It was a critical step in taking back power in a life that had left me so disempowered.
For me, the choice wasn’t difficult and I realize for some it is. But having the legal right to choose whether we want to bear a child or abort a pregnancy or not gives a woman power and authority over her body and her life. Rights I thought were inalienable. Guess I was wrong. Women are still second and third-class citizens in the eyes of the law here in the US. When will the madness end?
If you or someone you know is struggling with their decision to have an abortion, Cynthia and Bob who write Ask The Council are a beautiful source of healing.