My Abortion Story

Many years ago when I was just out of college and had been with my then-sweetheart for about three years, I became pregnant. At this point, our relationship was long-distance while he pursued his second master’s degree halfway across the country. During one of our visits, we were hormonal and stupid and didn’t use protection. We’d been pretty good about using protection in general, but this day we got lazy. Unfortunately, although I loved him very much I was already seeing a red flag telling me he wasn’t the one I would marry.

My abortion story is actually pretty short. Knowing I wasn’t nearly ready to become a mother, after a conversation with my boyfriend I got an abortion. A safe and legal procedure at a local clinic where I didn’t have to walk through a picket line. I didn’t realize how lucky I was.

After becoming pregnant through molestation when I was a very young teen, having the baby (because the pregnancy was quite far along when everything came out), and giving her up for adoption, I promised myself no way in hell would I have another baby until I was ready. Until I could support myself, was in a committed relationship, and had my own home. And I kept the promise.

The recent reversal of Roe v. Wade is nothing short of an assault on women’s rights. It was nothing more than a political power play. It’s not about the right to life when some states are banning abortion outright, even in cases of rape and medically necessary abortions. I have a friend who’s a nurse, whose road to becoming a mother included becoming pregnant six times, having four spontaneous miscarriages and one medically necessary D&C that some people would define as an abortion (even though her son died in utero and wasn’t being expelled).

Even though I never regretted having the abortion, I was surprised when it came up in a healing session about five years ago.

I wanted to look at what I could heal in myself to help my son, who had all sorts of struggles, and early on in the session when my hypnotherapist brought in my son’s higher self, he told me to heal blocks in my heart. It would not only help me but him as well because we’re all energetically connected. Plus, the more I healed in myself, the more present and loving I could be overall.

When my hypnotherapist had me focus on my heart and ask to see what was blocking it, an image from when I was around twelve came up. My inner twelve-year-old was pissed at me that I’d left her behind when she was being abused. I was walked through a healing process that created a heart-to-heart reconnection with this part of myself, dissolving the anger and setting her free.

Just prior to ending the session to make sure there was nothing else to address, my hypnotherapist took me through another quick process. She moved me forward in time to make sure we were finished with this heart block. Much to my surprise, after moving easily through several years of my life a large black block stopped the process. There was something else I needed to work on that would have to wait until our next session.

A week later, picking up where we left off I saw a big black cube lodged in my heart chakra blocking the flow of love and Source energy. Tuning into the block I felt fear and following the fear back to its roots I went back in time, surprisingly all the way back to my initial separation from Source. I knew this had to do with each time I was born and the veil of forgetting came down separating me from God leaving me feeling completely alone. When that moment happened, the feeling of being an individual no longer connected to God Source caused feelings of tremendous fear and isolation. Aloneness. No support.

Because I had trouble creating a healing shift, my hypnotherapist asked for a being of the highest vibration to come in and help. Bowled over by the amount of love he carried, I cried when Archangel Michael suddenly appeared. Instantaneously things shifted and the block began to dissolve. It morphed into pieces of fabric that began to unravel one by one. As they unraveled, Archangel Michael gathered up the thread to take it back to Source. (Energy is neither created nor destroyed but changes forms).

As pieces of fabric unraveled, more pieces appeared. Because the process seemed to take a while I asked it to speed up. After a moment of picturing things going really quickly, I heard a voice telling me to slow down. When my hypnotherapist asked who the voice was, I focused on it and saw the soul of the one I’d aborted years ago.

He came in with so much love that it brought me to tears. He came in to let me know that we had an agreement for me to have an abortion, so I could experience control over the direction of my life. I needed to have an experience of self-determination, and deciding to not become a mother at that time gave me buckets of power and control back that I’d lost. It was the first time in my life that I had any real control over the course of my life. Being able to have the abortion changed the trajectory of my life such that it is what it is today. It wouldn’t have happened otherwise. He did this out of love for me. And his soul has been with me the entire time, sending me love. During times in my life when I’ve forgotten who I am (forgotten my God-self), he sends me love. He sends me things that open my heart, like pictures and music that remind me of love. And he whispers in my ear.

We wrapped up the session and I sat utterly gobsmacked at what happened. One of the reasons I love using hypnotherapy as a healing modality is it not only helps me easily create changes in my life from the inside out, but it opens the door to all sorts of healing I never see coming. It allows higher wisdom to come through to teach me and create even deeper healing. And after the session, I felt greater peace inside.

I never regretted my choice to have an abortion years ago, but I also never realized it was a major step in my having authority over my life. It was a critical step in taking back power in a life that had left me so disempowered.

For me, the choice wasn’t difficult and I realize for some it is. But having the legal right to choose whether we want to bear a child or abort a pregnancy or not gives a woman power and authority over her body and her life. Rights I thought were inalienable. Guess I was wrong. Women are still second and third-class citizens in the eyes of the law here in the US. When will the madness end?

If you or someone you know is struggling with their decision to have an abortion, Cynthia and Bob who write Ask The Council are a beautiful source of healing.

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About mariner2mother

I'm a mother of a creative 19 year old son, a former merchant ship's deck officer, and a wife. To feed my creative side I take photos. I am also Reiki attuned and am a student of Energy Healing, having used several healing modalities to work on myself and my family. My most recent adventure has me navigating a very challenging Kundalini Awakening.
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11 Responses to My Abortion Story

  1. A very backwards move causing so much death and pain ahead, not only to unwanted children, but the mothers and existing families; upswings in poverty, abuse, suicide, foster care, deaths from back alley abortions, this list of horror goes on.

  2. Lori says:

    It’s brave of you to discuss this, and my heart goes out to you. I’ve cringed and ached reading what you’ve gone through in your life.

    On this topic, I disagree with you, and that’s okay. I’m going to give you my view on spirituality. You may not want to read this, and I’m fine with that. Or, maybe you’re meant to read this. I don’t know.

    While I believe we’re here for soul growth, this agreement to do things before we come here means we must give permission to people to rape us. To give permission for people to kill us. To give permission to make ourselves permanent victims. This I do not believe. What if we were meant to learn to no longer give permission to be a victim?

    I won’t go into how the law actually works regarding the judicial decision, because you’re likely hurting from it and won’t care. I can understand why you’d feel the decision is an assault on women. You were assaulted in your past, and those who’ve been through tragic abuse sometimes view the present day through the eyes of a victim.

    This plane of existence has the law of physics we can’t escape. For every action there is an automatic reaction. Meaning, there are consequences to our actions. We don’t get our rights from government, we get our rights from God, which is pure and total freedom to learn from mistakes through consequences. When people demand for the government to give them their rights, they can’t grow as souls. When you give away your power to authorities, you are giving away your dignity. On this plane, you sell your soul for them to control, and you remain a victim.

    As children, we often have no choice. As an adult, we have a choice whether to remain a victim. Otherwise we might create victims of our own without even knowing it.

    I hold you in my heart with warm healing energy.

    “The more attached you are to the past, or the more invested you are in a future outcome, the harder it is for you to accept ‘what is’ and work with it. Do not go in search of memories from the past. If they come up, acknowledge them. Do this not to empower the past, but to complete it, so that you can be present now.” ~ Words from Christ as spoken through Paul Ferrini

    • Thanks for your thoughtful comment. Please know that I’m very healed regarding my past. And I no longer feel like a victim. This is one of the gifts of the particular healing route life brought me to. Not only have I received the gift of deeply healing, but along the way, I’ve had spiritual experiences and received a spiritual education. A beautiful education direct from spirit and through teachers who have the ability to access spirit, much like those who wrote scriptures. The day I was following a guided meditation and ended up sitting in the lap of God was transformational in a way words can’t come close to describing. It gave me a perspective of God that only comes through direct experience. I think of it as the difference between watching someone drive a car versus getting behind the wheel. Similar, yet very different.

      You’re right. We see things differently and I’m open to hearing about different perspectives.

      • Lori says:

        Thank you for your thoughtful response. I’m always surprised when people I disagree with are open to hearing me (as I am with them). That doesn’t happen much these days. And though I haven’t had the amount of spiritual experiences you have, the few I’ve had taught me that all there truly is is love. No matter what we do here in this drama we’re playing out, we are all loved without conditions. I’ve experienced that pure love in one of my spiritual moments, and you’re right, there are no words which can describe it. 💗

  3. Hi, Susan. Nice story, interestingly told. Thanks for the shout-out. Bob

  4. What an incredibly moving and powerful post, Susan. I know from my own healing sessions we DO come down here with a plan in place before we’re born. We agree with another soul to make a contract, to learn profound lessons. My mother and I agreed she would be abusive and difficult so I could learn how to overcome this with love and forgiveness. How unbelievably freeing it must have felt to you in your heart that the aborted soul came to tell you the reason behind the abortion. Thanks for sharing your story with us.

    • Thanks Darla. It was amazing to see how purposeful it all was. And so unexpected when the goal of the session had nothing to do with having had an abortion. And as you already know, same with me and my mom.

      • Yes, you can relate to my relationship with my mom! What is incredible is at one of my last regression sessions (before she died) my council told me we had resolved our issues in this lifetime! And I already knew that in my heart. I forgave her and she forgave me. The council also made it clear that what I see in my mom I see in myself. We truly are connected and one. We came here to learn and grow and that is what we both did. What an incredible gift that is!!!

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