Noticing Changes

Have you ever had a headache and when it goes away not notice it for a while? Until the realization suddenly hits you that your head no longer hurts? This is the way I am with so many things. When my husband complains about this or that hurting, I have to take a moment to remember that yes, my feet used to hurt quite a bit from plantar fasciitis. And yes, my knees used to hurt when I walk up and down stairs. I used to have a lot of heartburn and severe acid reflux. I used to live with a number of conditions of dis-ease that are pretty much a thing of the past, or entirely a thing of the past. It’s amazing what healing can change.

Mackerel skies are harbingers of weather changes.

It’s taken a while, but I’ve been noticing things that have been changing. Being a life-long very sensitive person, for most of my life when I’d get angry about something, I could get really pissed off. (For my British readers I’m not referring to being drunk, but extremely angry). In fact, when I was this mad I usually stopped talking to whoever I was mad at for a few days. I’d give them the cold shoulder to punish them. To make them feel bad for making me mad. That was my thought process.

I’m still a very sensitive person, but having healed layers and layers of emotional hot buttons, when I’m upset these days, even with my family, the feelings tend to pass through pretty quickly. In a matter of maybe 5-10 minutes. And when I inadvertently make someone upset, I’m quick to apologize. In truth, I don’t get angry or upset nearly as often as I used to. Which, let’s face it, in this day and age is a real blessing.

Don’t get me wrong, I still have very definite opinions about things and preferences in general. But when I don’t get my way it doesn’t spin me out or make me throw my lunch across the room.

One of the beautiful things about using hypnotherapy as a sort of consciousness technology – to quickly change how I see and feel about myself and the world – is it’s allowed me to study the mind from the inside out. To understand how my feelings and emotions drive behavior while changing them.

Today I know when I get the munchies and I’m not truly hungry, it’s because there’s a part of me deep inside, an aspect of my consciousness, that’s in pain and is trying to feel better. It’s feeling disconnected from my spirit. And what quiets the discomfort for me? Food. It was a dynamic I now know my soul set up before I was born. For some, it’s alcohol, drugs, smoking, sex, shopping, and other behaviors that can become dysfunctional. Life situations become triggers for my inner world and my impulse is to run to food to quiet inner discomfort or give me energy. And yes, a lot of this has been healed.

I also understand that people don’t make me mad, something inside me becomes triggered resulting in anger rising up. I know this because I’ve seen it during healing sessions. Not only have I seen it, but moments later healed it, releasing and dissolving an emotional trigger. I’m no longer a victim to life.

One of the other things I’ve been noticing has been moving further through my Kundalini awakening process. Up until several months ago, the past five-plus years have included waking up almost every day with shitty, fearful thoughts running through my mind. Thoughts that would hit me, immediately followed by my recognizing them as lies. It was a little like being paranoid and delusional, but I knew the thoughts were not true and didn’t act on them. I had to wait them out and distract myself from them until they passed.

I (Kundalini energy) was bringing up and processing out lifetimes of fear, and it truly sucked. This is just one example of how a Kundalini awakening can MIMIC mental illness, yet not BE mental illness. And as healed as I’ve been around my relationship with food, being bathed in daily shitty mental states for around five years has taken a temporary toll on my weight.

I’m noticing that more and more I’m waking up feeling better. With fewer and fewer shitty thoughts that I know are lies. Getting closer and closer to my “normal” state of optimism and inner peace.

Some of the changes I’ve been surprised about include seeing situations from many perspectives instead of just one. Perspectives that spontaneously appear rather than having to stretch my mind. It immediately brings up compassion and understanding not only for those who’ve been hurt or wronged in some way but for those who hurt them. Without feelings of guilt, shame, or blame to cloud things up these days, my feelings of compassion flow as readily for someone deemed “evil” as for their “victim”. I put those words in quotes because they no longer resonate for me.

Kundalini energy is still working on me. Working in me, doing its thing. Helping me heal duality: the gap between my human lens of perception and spiritual perception. That and a bunch more. And as much as I’m not quite out the other side of this ultra-intense phase, I’m getting much closer. The chrysalis is cracking and at some point will fall away allowing my new wings to open and dry so I can fly anew.