The New Year

This New Year’s Day I was hanging up new calendars and noticed finding it very easy to throw one away while I kept the other. The one I kept I buy annually from a photographer local to the cottage in Maine where I lived for a good chunk of my twenties when I first began working in the ocean. I love being brought back to the familiar ocean and islands, seeing them around the year.

As I tried to fit the calendar alongside a half dozen past years’ calendars on a bookshelf, there was barely enough room. I suddenly thought about how funny we are as people when it comes to hanging on to things. There are some things I easily throw away, donate, give away, or sell. I don’t even think twice. And then there are things I have an emotional attachment to and have a hard time moving out of my life.

Not surprisingly I have trouble letting go of photos.

When Little Man was younger, I was so busy every day trying to keep up with him that my house was often neglected. Housekeeping has never been my favorite thing to do, however, after we’d been away on a family trip, something about a change of scenery made it a hundred times easier to come home, see things through new eyes, and declutter and organize.

It was easy to go through long-neglected piles of stuff and whittle them down to only what was really needed. And easy to donate old toys and clothes to our local thrift stores.

One of the features of doing a lot of inner healing work has been letting go of my attachment to stuff. There’s something about our inner landscape that tends to keep us doing the things we’ve always done and wanting to hold onto things we’ve always held onto. And as my inner world has changed a lot, I’m craving simplicity and less stuff in my life. The thing is, right now I’m not yet able to do much about my present circumstances. I mean, I don’t have the brain power or physical strength and endurance to clear out all the extra stuff I have.

And what’s a bit challenging is still experiencing temporary effects of my present condition that include fear sparks. What I mean by that is seeing something as innocuous as an old calendar, thinking about getting rid of it, and immediately feeling a physical flush of fear accompanied by thoughts of, “No. I can’t get rid of it because I might need it for (fill in the blank when it comes to all the reasons).”

When this happens, all I can do is distract myself and move on with my day. Thankfully, these days, this sort of thing happens usually earlier in the day when my system is still a bit discombobulated and it tends to pass fairly quickly. I only wish a stiff cup of tea or anything with caffeine would help me “wake up” a bit, yet it doesn’t.

I now recognize this is what anxiety looks like. Being afraid to let go of something. And I also recognize it’s not really me. It’s only me when I’m ungrounded and a bit fragmented inside. (Which should be significantly resolved in my next healing session).

Being attached to things is part of being human, but having trouble letting go of things that no longer spark joy, are no longer used, and serve no purpose, is closer to hoarding than merely collecting. I tend to collect a few things like books, photos, and hobby/craft stuff, but even that is changing. I’m noticing a lot less impulse buying, picking up items to make a project but never making the time to actually do the project.

I know myself better. I’m a better judge of my time and energy and what I’ll actually be able to accomplish. And what I actually want to accomplish.

On this first day of 2023, I’m hoping to make great strides in my progress living with awakened Kundalini energy and the challenges thereof. Looking to create a lot more inner integration and harmony.

And my hope for everyone is that sifting the wheat from the chaff of this next year is filled with as much grace and ease as possible.

Peace and joy.

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