Behind the Scenes

I’ve tried to keep posts more upbeat and positive recently despite the rollercoaster that still is my Kundalini awakening. I oscillate between feeling well and having the positive outlook on life that’s my natural default, to feeling like I’m packing around a hundred-pound bag of sand on my back, and it’s leaking a stream of sand into my gears. Not fun, and unfortunately has become an unwelcome part of my life for a while now. That said, I know the whole feeling unwell stuff is temporary.

Yet one of the wonderful effects of this experience has been growing the connection to the divine. To my inner wisdom. I’m able to hear or feel it more strongly and know it’s the truth. True for me.

I’m still in what seems like the active phase of healing because of how scrambled and generally out of sorts I still feel. And I know I’m working toward a new sense of clarity. It will be wonderful when I get there, and with each and every healing session I get the distinct sense I’m moving closer and closer.

One of the things I love about the healing work is what I’m learning. Ever the student, using hypnotherapy to dive into my unconscious world, following threads of feelings that lead me to images and stories gives me access to parts of myself I’m usually unaware of. And within the access, I’m able to create change and heal myself. Not only that, but I’m simultaneously able to connect with the field of information that is God. I’m given answers and spiritual wisdom simply by asking.

You know that phrase, ask and the answer shall be given unto you? (Or something like that). It’s just like that. And I’m not alone in this. Many people are evolving and ascending spiritually at the moment.

A recent hypnotherapy session went deep, and as usual, I’m giving it time to integrate a bit more before I share some of the nuggets of gold. These days, the information that comes up always has some resonance beyond only me. It also resonates with the world at large.

While I’m giving myself space and time to rest, a bit of TLC, here’s a recent photo of one of our yard’s daily visitors.

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Leaves of mint and tiny lavender blossoms greet me. Mother Nature’s creatures hustle and bustle about busily singing, foraging, gathering and feeding their young.

Pink roses are winding down from their spectacular burst, putting energy into new growth. Daring blackberry canes jut forward and upward as blossoms wilt into green fruit. So far the blueberries are firm and green. And within a few weeks will ripen and feed the birds. If I’m quick we’ll have a few too.

Man-made perches under our home’s eves have become adorned with two Robin’s nests; one on a floodlight and the other precariously crafted in the crotch between the top of an open window and the side of the house. Mamas busily feed the hatchlings, too young to fly.

A breeze that’s still cool rustles the alder and willow leaves. By the time the sun swings around to where it shines over the river, heat will chase me inside.

But for now the porch is shaded, making a lovely spot to take in bees and hummingbirds buzzing by. A new batch of strawberry lemonade is chilling in the fridge and tea-monade is my morning brew.

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Musing on Mystics

Not too long ago I hopped online and saw a video with the title, “True Mystics – Knowers are Not Believers.” It was posted by a modern-day mystic I follow who’s had two near-death experiences. It got me thinking about just what a mystic is, and although every definition I’ve come across fits with experiences I’ve had, would I, could I, dare consider myself a mystic?

We usually think of a mystic as someone who lived a very long time ago and who shared their experiences through divinely inspired poetry, like Rumi and Hafiz, or religious figures such as Saint Teresa of Avila and Saint Francis of Assisi and a whole bunch more that I don’t really know much about because I’ve honestly never read these people’s works. I only know them peripherally. A mystic is generally thought of as someone who sits alone in quiet meditation and who’s developed the ability to connect to the divine and quiet their mind through years of spiritual practice. That’s not exactly me.

My interest, since spirit poked me with a stick just over a decade ago, has been and continues to be energy healing. Although my perspective of energy healing tends to resonate with science, the world I’ve entered into, much like Alice falling down the rabbit hole, has become a mystical path as well.

So, how would I define a mystic? Letting my fingers do the walking, I found a great article and grabbed a few definitions. One I love is “a person who has a direct experience of the sacred, unmediated by conventional religious rituals or intermediaries.”

Yup. That fits.

Good old Merriam-Webster defines mystical as “involving or having the nature of an individual’s direct subjective communion with God or ultimate reality” and “having a spiritual meaning or reality that is neither apparent to the senses nor obvious to the intelligence.”

That fits too.

The thing is, mystic and religious have long been intertwined because they both speak to the unknowable. They speak to the bigger questions in life, like, what’s my purpose? And what happens when we die?

What’s funny to me, not haha funny, but more like tilting and scratching my head, is I’ve never been particularly drawn to religion and I’ve never wondered ‘what’s my purpose in life?’ The only big question I wondered about years ago in my early twenties was what happens when we die? And it came up because my father was diagnosed with cancer a few years after his brother died from cancer.

Many people would have turned to their religion and their faith to answer this question. But not being religious I turned to a book written by a woman who’d died and come back. The way I saw it, why not get the scoop straight from the horse’s mouth?

Looking back, I can see seeds that were planted, getting me interested in looking at life a bit differently. Around the time I turned thirty, a shipmate I worked with on my first deep-sea ship gave me a few books to read that piqued my interest. I didn’t know he was a spiritual seeker or that the books he gave me were spiritual, but I liked them. They showed a slightly different way of seeing things. And working in and out of Singapore for several months, my first exposure to life in the East, I was curious to know a little about Eastern philosophy and bought a little book about the Tao and one about the story of Buddha.

One thing led to the next and so forth and so on, and here I sit today a person who’s not only had several mystical experiences but whose life blends with the unseen world quite regularly. Every time I have a healing session, I dive into that realm for the purpose of quite honestly helping myself feel better. But it’s become so much more.

Connecting with the part of myself who’s intimately connected to everything and everyone shows me again and again that we all come from this incredible field of energy that feels like the most unconditional love you can imagine, times a bazillion and then some. It will bring you to tears and bring you to your knees in the very best way.

I hope Mary Reed won’t mind if I directly steal something she wrote at the end of her incredible book, “The Unwitting Mystic – Evolution of the Message of Love.”

“Anything I say ‘I know’ I actually embodied or gleaned directly from metaphysical insight.”

This is true for me as well.

When I started this blog, it was about sharing things I’d discovered that broadened my horizons and helped me in daily life. At the time my focus was my young son and his daily challenges, and writing was cathartic. It was and continues to be a journal of sorts.

I had no clue when I started blogging that life would take a decidedly metaphysical turn just nine months later. And six years after that, when I thought I’d reached a pinnacle of feeling in control of my life, feeling in the flow and filled with more inner peace than I’d ever known, something would flip a switch and shoot me out of a canon. Ratchet me up a level. Telling me it was time to know myself as God. Not the ultimate creator, but to know myself intimately as a co-creator of my life.

I mean, seriously! What kid dreams of growing up and jumping on a magical mystical train? I certainly didn’t.

Much like Mary, I’ve never studied religious texts and I’ve never been drawn to reading ancient mystics. I write about my experiences. It helps me process them and is my number one form of meditation. And yes, I’ve had to do some research after some of my healing sessions to find out what that weird little dude who came in once as a guide was. (It was a Menehune).

Because the impulse to share all this crazy, mystical healing stuff is so strong, I can only assume I’m guided to do so. And what’s cool is the more I heal, the stronger my connection to my own inner guidance is becoming.

While every other person I meet may not go through a spiritual awakening or have their Kundalini energy wake up, many people have mystical experiences. I hope that writing about mine gives other people “permission” to share theirs rather than feel embarrassed or worried that they won’t be believed. Because yes, science can’t prove mystical experiences because they are primarily subjective. But that doesn’t mean they aren’t very real and valid.

Oh yeah, in case it matters, when I went to college I was a hard science major with a total “prove it” attitude. I was all about evidence. It makes me giggle. Now I know there’s no proof like experience.

Today I wear the label mystic quietly in my open heart. Other than in healing sessions where magic happens, here’s where I talk about it the most. And for those who are here reading, thank you for witnessing part of my life’s journey. It’s been surprising, to say the least, and has become very much a (wink, wink) guided tour.

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Love Makes Everything Brighter

Many years ago when I was in college I fell in love. Not the puppy love of a kid, but love that started out as friendship. The more we shared in common the closer we became, until one day something changed and it became love. My first love.

One day, I went to the library on campus to study and dropped by to say hi to a gal pal who worked in the audio/visual department. She worked in a room where students could listen to records. Keep in mind this was the first half of the 1980’s, well before digital music. As I said hello, she excitedly had me sit at booth number whatever it was, and put on the headphones. I then heard one of the most magical songs I’d ever heard.

The song perfectly encapsulated how I felt being newly in love. The lift in my step, a smile in my heart, and everything looking brighter and more colorful. It will always be an incredibly meaningful song for me.

Love sure is the elixir of life. It brightens the mood, lightens our load, and keeps worries at bay. When I do healing work, love is the energy through which I heal. Pure magic.

Even if you’re not newly in love, have a listen to Lui Collins’ Wildflower song. If you like the song, check out her album Baptism of Fire – it’s great. (This video is part of a playlist of the album).

I haven’t listened to this album in a while, although I truly love it, and I’m just realizing the synchronicity in the title Baptism of Fire and imagery of a phoenix to the process I’ve been going through for the past few years. In fact, at the end of one of my hypnosis sessions, a phoenix came in with its fire and helped burn away stuff I was healing and letting go of.

May your day be filled with love, wildflowers, comfortable breezes, and sunshine.

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Splendors of Summer

Summer in the Pacific Northwest is truly a treat. And it’s finally here! I recently heard on a local radio station that because of our geography, we don’t get truly summery, warm, and sunny weather until after the Fourth of July. And if that’s the case, we’re right on schedule with berry season upon us. One of my favorites.

Local growers have produce stands set up here and there, at the edge of parking lots and by the roadside. And our myriad farmers’ markets are in full swing. Here’s a flat of mixed berries and Rainier cherries we’re currently munching on. Most of the strawberries are being eaten plain, but I grabbed some of them and concocted strawberry lemonade that I haven’t made in years. Sweet and tart!

Strawberry lemonade

My floribunda rose bush is finally in full bloom, and its fragrance is heavenly. Because of the wildlife who regularly traverse my yard and the abundance of creatures like slugs, I’m not much of a gardener. After years of gardening fails, I’ve learned what grows well, requires minimal care, and won’t be eaten by Mother Nature’s critters. And most of what I plant goes in pots like whiskey barrels.

Heather does well here, and so does lavender. My rosemary plant did well for the past few years, but I think one of our ultra-cold spells last winter was too much. This spring I noticed instead of the lush green, all the leaves died and indeed I thought the entire plant was dead. Much to my pleasant surprise, there is new growth! (As I’m writing this post I just went outside and chopped all the dead branches off!)

The pots of mint, oregano, and sages are still doing well, and oregano seeds that dropped down onto the gravel have been sprouting up for the past few years, making our gravel walkway fragrant. I love walking on the oregano smelling its pungent fragrance.

During the summer I love using fresh mint in a tabouli salad and to flavor iced tea.

Tabouli salad
Iced tea

Our yard is home to an assortment of wild critters including daily visitors of cottontail rabbits and deer. And the other day I saw a young buck, a welcome addition to the usual doe and fawns.

And finally, although we see a plethora of birds, I finally photographed my first owl! I’ve heard owls, usually around sunset, but hadn’t seen one with enough daylight to grab its photo. Not only was I able to grab its portrait, but the next day I saw it on the lawn. Wondering what it was doing, I saw it catch and eat a mouse.

Barred owl

Life in the country!

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How Past Lives Can Affect Us

Years ago I had no idea I’d ever experienced anything beyond this lifetime. Ideas like reincarnation weren’t something I even thought about – they simply weren’t on my radar. When energy healing first entered my life I heard about how things before we were born could energetically affect us, but the healer who was working on me and taught me was pretty religious and didn’t believe in past lives. I honestly don’t know how she rectified this in her mind. But just a few years later when I began to work with a hypnotherapist who blended her spiritual practice into her scripts, I spontaneously regressed to a past life.

In that session, what came up to be healed was fear. Fear of death. In the past life, I’d had intuitive gifts and was killed because of the gifts. At least that’s what I believed. In fact, over the few years I worked with this woman, I regressed a number of times to past lives when I had intuitive gifts and was killed. One of the effects of healing the leftover trauma from these lifetimes was relieving me of a lot of anxiety I didn’t even realize I had. Anxiety I medicated with food.

Having been on the energy healing path for a while now, I not only believe in past lives but have seen how remnants of trauma and things left unhealed or unresolved can impact our life today. There are some hypnotherapists who specialize in past life regression, which can be very healing. However, I’ve seen the benefits of working within this lifetime first; addressing the beliefs we create in childhood.

That said, about a month ago I woke up from a nap and my right elbow was in pain. Out of the blue. I hadn’t strained, bumped, or overworked it. The pain dissipated and then came back. There were times it ached, and then went away. It was weird. I had a Reiki session a few days after it began hurting, but because it felt fine that day we didn’t address it.

However, having another Reiki session just a few days ago, I decided it was time to find out what was going on. The Reiki Master I work with is very intuitive and I asked her to tune into my elbow and see if she picked up on anything. As she began to work, my elbow began to ache quite a bit, letting me know we were on the right track. It may sound counterintuitive, but when I do healing work I look for the pain, dive into it and get to the bottom of things and create healing.

What surprised me was when she saw a vision of me in a past life punching someone and I was really angry. The pain was stored anger. She looked some more and saw that the person I was punching was someone I actually know in this lifetime. Someone who we don’t see very often but was a guest in our house around the time my elbow started acting up. During the past life I was a guy and so was this other person. My practitioner picked up that I was Russian and the lifetime felt like it was in the 1800’s.

Lying on her massage table, I decided to close my eyes and see if I could tune into this as well. I could faintly sense my anger as I punched this guy out. I sensed that behind the rage were feelings of betrayal, that he’d done me wrong. I also sensed that I was wearing a heavy fur coat and hat, like you’d wear in very cold climates. I picked up that I’d gone away for several months on what felt somewhat like a military commitment and when I came back this guy had stolen my girl. She said she would wait for me, but he moved in on her. My Reiki master saw that after all that I’d gone away again and had been killed, being shot in the back. It was a short life with things left unresolved.

I focused beyond that lifetime to see what sort of lesson I might have wanted to learn from that whole experience, and saw that this same guy became my daughter in the next lifetime. There was supposed to be healing in the next life, but because my wife died in childbirth I didn’t do well and became an alcoholic.

Since this session I’ve become aware that I’ve shared a number of lifetimes with this soul. But one thing I gleaned from looking at these two lives, was how in one life I had such hate and disdain for this person, yet in the next I was able to love them dearly. As souls we share great love and it’s fun to play out these various roles. Yet as humans it’s a different ballgame.

Something else that came to me quite unexpectedly, was that I was healing part of Russia’s energetic shadow. Because I lived a life (or more) in Russia, healing trauma from that lifetime is healing Russia’s shadow. And yes, every country has one.

When you work on healing yourself, you’re actually healing the world.

My practitioner worked using Reiki and a tuning fork to help free up the energy in my elbow and help it move through. The way she explains it, tuning forks can be used like an acupuncture needle to vibrationally help energy blocks dissolve.

It’s only been a few days since this recent healing session and my elbow seems to have calmed down a bit. It will be interesting to see if this session took care of it or it there’s more for me to work on. Time will tell.

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Noticing Changes

Have you ever had a headache and when it goes away not notice it for a while? Until the realization suddenly hits you that your head no longer hurts? This is the way I am with so many things. When my husband complains about this or that hurting, I have to take a moment to remember that yes, my feet used to hurt quite a bit from plantar fasciitis. And yes, my knees used to hurt when I walk up and down stairs. I used to have a lot of heartburn and severe acid reflux. I used to live with a number of conditions of dis-ease that are pretty much a thing of the past, or entirely a thing of the past. It’s amazing what healing can change.

Mackerel skies are harbingers of weather changes.

It’s taken a while, but I’ve been noticing things that have been changing. Being a life-long very sensitive person, for most of my life when I’d get angry about something, I could get really pissed off. (For my British readers I’m not referring to being drunk, but extremely angry). In fact, when I was this mad I usually stopped talking to whoever I was mad at for a few days. I’d give them the cold shoulder to punish them. To make them feel bad for making me mad. That was my thought process.

I’m still a very sensitive person, but having healed layers and layers of emotional hot buttons, when I’m upset these days, even with my family, the feelings tend to pass through pretty quickly. In a matter of maybe 5-10 minutes. And when I inadvertently make someone upset, I’m quick to apologize. In truth, I don’t get angry or upset nearly as often as I used to. Which, let’s face it, in this day and age is a real blessing.

Don’t get me wrong, I still have very definite opinions about things and preferences in general. But when I don’t get my way it doesn’t spin me out or make me throw my lunch across the room.

One of the beautiful things about using hypnotherapy as a sort of consciousness technology – to quickly change how I see and feel about myself and the world – is it’s allowed me to study the mind from the inside out. To understand how my feelings and emotions drive behavior while changing them.

Today I know when I get the munchies and I’m not truly hungry, it’s because there’s a part of me deep inside, an aspect of my consciousness, that’s in pain and is trying to feel better. It’s feeling disconnected from my spirit. And what quiets the discomfort for me? Food. It was a dynamic I now know my soul set up before I was born. For some, it’s alcohol, drugs, smoking, sex, shopping, and other behaviors that can become dysfunctional. Life situations become triggers for my inner world and my impulse is to run to food to quiet inner discomfort or give me energy. And yes, a lot of this has been healed.

I also understand that people don’t make me mad, something inside me becomes triggered resulting in anger rising up. I know this because I’ve seen it during healing sessions. Not only have I seen it, but moments later healed it, releasing and dissolving an emotional trigger. I’m no longer a victim to life.

One of the other things I’ve been noticing has been moving further through my Kundalini awakening process. Up until several months ago, the past five-plus years have included waking up almost every day with shitty, fearful thoughts running through my mind. Thoughts that would hit me, immediately followed by my recognizing them as lies. It was a little like being paranoid and delusional, but I knew the thoughts were not true and didn’t act on them. I had to wait them out and distract myself from them until they passed.

I (Kundalini energy) was bringing up and processing out lifetimes of fear, and it truly sucked. This is just one example of how a Kundalini awakening can MIMIC mental illness, yet not BE mental illness. And as healed as I’ve been around my relationship with food, being bathed in daily shitty mental states for around five years has taken a temporary toll on my weight.

I’m noticing that more and more I’m waking up feeling better. With fewer and fewer shitty thoughts that I know are lies. Getting closer and closer to my “normal” state of optimism and inner peace.

Some of the changes I’ve been surprised about include seeing situations from many perspectives instead of just one. Perspectives that spontaneously appear rather than having to stretch my mind. It immediately brings up compassion and understanding not only for those who’ve been hurt or wronged in some way but for those who hurt them. Without feelings of guilt, shame, or blame to cloud things up these days, my feelings of compassion flow as readily for someone deemed “evil” as for their “victim”. I put those words in quotes because they no longer resonate for me.

Kundalini energy is still working on me. Working in me, doing its thing. Helping me heal duality: the gap between my human lens of perception and spiritual perception. That and a bunch more. And as much as I’m not quite out the other side of this ultra-intense phase, I’m getting much closer. The chrysalis is cracking and at some point will fall away allowing my new wings to open and dry so I can fly anew.

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My Abortion Story

Many years ago when I was just out of college and had been with my then-sweetheart for about three years, I became pregnant. At this point, our relationship was long-distance while he pursued his second master’s degree halfway across the country. During one of our visits, we were hormonal and stupid and didn’t use protection. We’d been pretty good about using protection in general, but this day we got lazy. Unfortunately, although I loved him very much I was already seeing a red flag telling me he wasn’t the one I would marry.

My abortion story is actually pretty short. Knowing I wasn’t nearly ready to become a mother, after a conversation with my boyfriend I got an abortion. A safe and legal procedure at a local clinic where I didn’t have to walk through a picket line. I didn’t realize how lucky I was.

After becoming pregnant through molestation when I was a very young teen, having the baby (because the pregnancy was quite far along when everything came out), and giving her up for adoption, I promised myself no way in hell would I have another baby until I was ready. Until I could support myself, was in a committed relationship, and had my own home. And I kept the promise.

The recent reversal of Roe v. Wade is nothing short of an assault on women’s rights. It was nothing more than a political power play. It’s not about the right to life when some states are banning abortion outright, even in cases of rape and medically necessary abortions. I have a friend who’s a nurse, whose road to becoming a mother included becoming pregnant six times, having four spontaneous miscarriages and one medically necessary D&C that some people would define as an abortion (even though her son died in utero and wasn’t being expelled).

Even though I never regretted having the abortion, I was surprised when it came up in a healing session about five years ago.

I wanted to look at what I could heal in myself to help my son, who had all sorts of struggles, and early on in the session when my hypnotherapist brought in my son’s higher self, he told me to heal blocks in my heart. It would not only help me but him as well because we’re all energetically connected. Plus, the more I healed in myself, the more present and loving I could be overall.

When my hypnotherapist had me focus on my heart and ask to see what was blocking it, an image from when I was around twelve came up. My inner twelve-year-old was pissed at me that I’d left her behind when she was being abused. I was walked through a healing process that created a heart-to-heart reconnection with this part of myself, dissolving the anger and setting her free.

Just prior to ending the session to make sure there was nothing else to address, my hypnotherapist took me through another quick process. She moved me forward in time to make sure we were finished with this heart block. Much to my surprise, after moving easily through several years of my life a large black block stopped the process. There was something else I needed to work on that would have to wait until our next session.

A week later, picking up where we left off I saw a big black cube lodged in my heart chakra blocking the flow of love and Source energy. Tuning into the block I felt fear and following the fear back to its roots I went back in time, surprisingly all the way back to my initial separation from Source. I knew this had to do with each time I was born and the veil of forgetting came down separating me from God leaving me feeling completely alone. When that moment happened, the feeling of being an individual no longer connected to God Source caused feelings of tremendous fear and isolation. Aloneness. No support.

Because I had trouble creating a healing shift, my hypnotherapist asked for a being of the highest vibration to come in and help. Bowled over by the amount of love he carried, I cried when Archangel Michael suddenly appeared. Instantaneously things shifted and the block began to dissolve. It morphed into pieces of fabric that began to unravel one by one. As they unraveled, Archangel Michael gathered up the thread to take it back to Source. (Energy is neither created nor destroyed but changes forms).

As pieces of fabric unraveled, more pieces appeared. Because the process seemed to take a while I asked it to speed up. After a moment of picturing things going really quickly, I heard a voice telling me to slow down. When my hypnotherapist asked who the voice was, I focused on it and saw the soul of the one I’d aborted years ago.

He came in with so much love that it brought me to tears. He came in to let me know that we had an agreement for me to have an abortion, so I could experience control over the direction of my life. I needed to have an experience of self-determination, and deciding to not become a mother at that time gave me buckets of power and control back that I’d lost. It was the first time in my life that I had any real control over the course of my life. Being able to have the abortion changed the trajectory of my life such that it is what it is today. It wouldn’t have happened otherwise. He did this out of love for me. And his soul has been with me the entire time, sending me love. During times in my life when I’ve forgotten who I am (forgotten my God-self), he sends me love. He sends me things that open my heart, like pictures and music that remind me of love. And he whispers in my ear.

We wrapped up the session and I sat utterly gobsmacked at what happened. One of the reasons I love using hypnotherapy as a healing modality is it not only helps me easily create changes in my life from the inside out, but it opens the door to all sorts of healing I never see coming. It allows higher wisdom to come through to teach me and create even deeper healing. And after the session, I felt greater peace inside.

I never regretted my choice to have an abortion years ago, but I also never realized it was a major step in my having authority over my life. It was a critical step in taking back power in a life that had left me so disempowered.

For me, the choice wasn’t difficult and I realize for some it is. But having the legal right to choose whether we want to bear a child or abort a pregnancy or not gives a woman power and authority over her body and her life. Rights I thought were inalienable. Guess I was wrong. Women are still second and third-class citizens in the eyes of the law here in the US. When will the madness end?

If you or someone you know is struggling with their decision to have an abortion, Cynthia and Bob who write Ask The Council are a beautiful source of healing.

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I’m happy to have made it this long without catching Covid – a nephew has had it twice – and glad that if I had to get it, I’m succumbing to one of the newer strains that’s not nearly as deadly as things were two years ago. Plus, I chose to become inoculated and opted for the booster shot as well. Usually, I’m not one for things like the annual flu shot because my exposure to the public isn’t a lot. But despite being all about energy healing, I’m also the daughter of a medical doctor and I’ve had enough education in the sciences to know that vaccines work.

My sweetie got sick about four days before I did, and he’s on the mend too. We’ve both reached the point where it feels like we’re dealing with a summer head cold, and as badly as I’d like to venture out again, I won’t until I test negative.

There’s nothing quite like my Kundalini version of normal, which is far from normal, in addition to feeling sick. When I was feverish and couldn’t breathe through my nose, I felt so miserable I wouldn’t have minded if the world ended right then and there. (I noticed so many people get wrapped up in the end of the world type of thinking). At least my suffering would be over.

And when thoughts like those begin to swirl around, I remind myself that suffering is temporary. But when you’re in the depths of it, it sure doesn’t feel temporary. So I distract myself. Read or watch something funny. Go make a cup of hot tea. Take a nap.

Today I’m feeling hopeful. Feeling better.

I’m out of bed. Dressed again. At my writing table with a candle burning. And recently went outside to cut fresh mint for my afternoon iced tea. It’s such a treat to get a snoot full of mint with each sip of the Lady Grey tea. Morning tea was hot ginger tea with a zesty lemon wedge and some local fireweed honey. Did I mention I love tea?

I never realized honey had so many different flavors until I was at a farmer’s market years ago and tasted several side by side. I loved the fireweed. Truth be told, I love almost every honey I’ve ever tried, with very few exceptions.

Our cough drop supply ran out the other day so I’m using what we have on hand, which is probably better than cough drops anyway. A small dab of honey. It’s too tempting to keep popping cough drops in my mouth even if I’m not coughing much. If my throat were still sore I’d visit our big leaf maple tree and take a few licorice ferns from the mossy branches. If you wash the fern’s roots and gently peel off the outside, they’re great to chew on. They have that anise black licorice taste and soothe a sore throat. Nature’s throat coat.

licorice ferns

It’s good to feel hopeful again. It’s been a minute.

Recent healing sessions have been addressing echoes, shades, and tones of earlier healing work to do with childhood soul separation. Yet the focus is much broader. Instead of merely focusing on a moment or two from my past, healing leapfrogged to battles from other lifetimes. Battles and war, resonating with our current collective consciousness. Apparently, I’ve been a warrior several times over and my body still carried resonance with being killed on the battlefield.

I’m looking forward to a hypnosis session at the end of the week, hoping whatever comes up moves me that much closer to feeling like myself again. My new self. And to cap this off, happy summer solstice!

Posted in Random, The Voyage | Tagged , , | 10 Comments

A Dozen Years!

Just the other day WordPress let me know I’ve been writing this blog for twelve years. Twelve! A dozen! I could say something like ‘my how time flies’ but in a lot of ways it really hasn’t. And it’s ok.

I’ll begin by saying I never thought about how long I’d write here, but what a blessing it’s been. I’ve connected to people around the world as we’ve shared our passions and our lives. Some have moved away from blogging to other endeavors or other platforms, while others discovered my little corner of the world and have been checking in more recently. Thank you all!

The view up our valley toward the Cascade Mountains.

When I started this blog, I was in the thick of mothering a young boy with a handful of challenges. Invisible disabilities and developmental delays were descriptors I used with my alphabet kiddo fairly often (SPD, ADHD, LD, and more). And while he was more than a handful, he’s also a sensitive, intelligent, and very caring person with passions of his own. Supporting him and helping him get through his education was pretty much a full-time job that tapered off significantly last summer after he graduated from high school.

Since then he’s talked about wanting to work, making it very clear that he’s done with formal education. The classroom was not a happy or comfortable place for him. Although he hasn’t secured gainful employment yet, largely due to his invisible disabilities, I know that he’ll get there one day.

This blog has been a fun place to share my photography, although I haven’t posted as many photos as I’d like in the past few years. Taking photos has been a passion since I was ten, blooming into a very small business selling my photography and homemade soap and balms at local holiday craft fairs for a decade. These days my photos are snapped during my daily travels, whether they’re taken around my home, when I’m out running errands, or when I take the long way home and venture either to the woods and Cascade mountains, to a local river, or to the Salish Sea.

Not quite a year into blogging the Universe conspired to walk me into a spiritual awakening. And boy was that a surprise! I didn’t even know what spirituality or a spiritual awakening was. And I’d never been particularly religious. I never had a yearning or an ache sending me on a spiritual quest. As far as I was concerned, I was quite content with that part of my life.

You never know where the path will take you.

Yet I’ve since learned that before I was born my soul had plans for me I wouldn’t even begin to become aware of until I was in my mid-forties, living my life, minding my own business. Plans that included not one, but two distinct awakening events six years apart.

The first awakening sparked a passion to learn about energy healing. A passion that feels like it was programmed to wake up so I could get a fundamental understanding of energy healing by learning several different healing modalities and discovering common threads between them all. To study and learn not only by reading and watching but by experiencing several modalities, going to workshops and taking classes. Part of the first awakening was to find what worked and what didn’t work for me so I’d be able to navigate my second awakening that cracked open a little over five years ago.

Apparently, my life was predestined to steer me into a spiritual, mystical, metaphysical path of intense healing. If you’d told me this when I was in my early thirties in command of the watch on a seven hundred foot long cargo ship I wouldn’t have believed you. Yes, I used to be a licensed ship’s second officer. I was the ship’s navigation officer and stood watch on the bridge, overseeing the three unlicensed seamen who worked with me. Crazy, right? (Hence my moniker mariner2mother).

Safe Return – Local monument to fishermen lost at sea.

Right about the time our former president took office in early 2017, my consciousness took a quantum leap during a healing session and with that, Kundalini energy flew open and has been rumbling, roaring, humming and buzzing ever since. It’s mission seems to be effecting all sorts of very deep and intense healing – we’re talking healing lifetimes of spiritual disconnection.

The ride of Kundalini energy has been wild, crazy, and amazing. So far a lot of it hasn’t been fun, feeling like a dark night of the soul. But I’m still working my way through. These days my trust and faith in my higher self is without question, and something I’ve been told many times is, “You’re built for this – you’ve got this.”

Trying to read and write with a head full of cotton candy has been challenging for the past few years, but the inner drive to write has never waned. So I write. Apologies for posts that come out a bit disjointed or stilted, but it’s all part of the process.

A year before Kundalini energy opened I’d changed so much that it felt right to have a second place to write with more of a focus on my spiritual/ healing journey, so I started a sister blog to this one called Remembering My Divinity. It’s real and raw and may not be for everyone.

And that brings me to today. Life is good. I have a loving husband and son who’ve stood by me through all my craziness and inner turmoil. And other than healing my way through the process I’m still very much going through, life goes on. There’s still wood that needs to be chopped, a yard that needs tending, water that has to be carried when we lose power (which happens several times a year), meals that need to be prepared, and so on and so forth.

Thank you all for visiting my little corner of the internet!

Posted in Photography, Spirituality, The Voyage | Tagged , , , , | 14 Comments