Coming Out The Other Side

How do I write about something I barely understand?

How can I describe an experience I’ve been going through that my culture neither understands, nor accepts as real and valid? And when faced with it, often confuses it for mental illness?

If you have ever had a near death experience, you might begin to understand what my last few months have been like; but then again, probably not.

Our culture is so completely unaware of ourselves as spiritual beings that having an extreme spiritual experience can be very isolating. How do I talk about having a complete Kundalini Awakening when our society doesn’t understand what Kundalini energy is and what it does in a body and mind? The closest understanding Christians have to it is the crucifixion and resurrection process. But Christians aren’t taught that it’s a process that people still experience today – we are taught it was a single event that happened to one person in history.

How do I talk about what people call a dark night of the soul, when the closest language we have for it is hell?

How do I relate to the world and to myself when I’ve changed so much in a few short months that I barely know who I am anymore?

People on a path of spiritual perfection or of healing are always people who feel lost or not whole in some way. They are always people who feel like they are missing something in their lives, or who are in a lot of pain. It is a helpful path for many. And the irony is, for me, I’ve only ever wanted to feel better. I have never sought out the “spiritual” path, and yet, here I sit, coming out the other side of an experience that many purposely seek out and dream of having. They seek it because they believe that if they do this thing or do that thing, it will make all of their dreams come true, bring them salvation, stop their pain, make them feel whole, whatever.

So much of my human created pain has been healed that the extreme unfamiliarity of myself is challenging on some days.

I guess the extreme change I’m dealing with is not unlike when someone has a major change happen in their life that they didn’t expect: being handed a cancer diagnosis, having your child or spouse die, losing your job, your home, or your relationship. When these things happen, life as you have known it is over. Done. Ended. Gone forever. You have to become used to a new normal. Sink or swim.

There is a grief process, a time of letting go of the old and allowing the new. A time of welcoming everything and anything that comes along with as open arms as possible. In spiritual terms, letting go of what no longer serves me, what no longer works for me, and embracing every moment as it is, without judging it, without worry about the future or regretting the past.

The more I can remind myself that the only moment in time that is real is right now, that the only moment I have to deal with is right now, the easier life is to handle.

Very long story short, because my life has taken an extreme turn, this blog will include bits and pieces of the gold as I glean it.

But in the meanwhile, I’m still a wife and mother, dealing with the very real life of managing a household, raising a child, and being a loving and devoted wife. Many people who go through extreme life changes, leave marriages, move into new homes, and have to adjust to life without a loved one being in it.

In my case, the extreme changes are allowing me to interact more fully within my own existing life. Because I have been cracked open wide and can more fully allow love to flow through me, I not only feel tons more love for myself, but for everyone and everything in my life. It is an amazing and very good thing.

And as with all extreme change, the process to get to where I’m getting has been a real mix of pure unmitigated hell, and amazing grace and love. If you’re familiar with the Beaufort scale of sea states during different wind forces, I’ve been riding about a 12 on a scale of 10, 12 being hurricane force winds. And more recently, life has calmed down to about a sea state of five to six, with an occasional calm day or two thrown in.

(FYI, I’ve ridden out force 11 storm in the North Atlantic and it more than sucked: the ship suffered damage and we were lucky we didn’t go down. But that’s a story for another day.)

from Google Images

Stay tuned for more of my love of snapping photos, and some practical and inspirational words of life wisdom, while I continue to chop wood and carry water. Life is real, y’all.


Posted in Holistic Healing, Spirituality, The Voyage | Tagged , , , , , | 19 Comments

To Witness

When a person acts as a witness for another, the act itself can help create change that the witness might never even be aware of. They can provide that momentary opening that might change the entire course of a person’s life for the better. Providing that safe place for a person to feel seen, known, and appreciated, with no judgment, is one of the biggest powers we have.

Remembering My Divinity

I’m finally wrapping my brain around an amazing concept called “to witness”. It’s a verb that unlike many verbs, is an action word and is a word of no physical action at the same time. And yet it holds the most powerful action that exists. The ultimate act of witnessing a person involves completely and wholly accepting them, unconditionally. No judgment. No strings attached. And the person who is witnessed feels completely seen and known, completely understood and recognized. They feel they are known at the very deepest level of their core being, and completely accepted for who they are, exactly as they are.

In the moment of being witnessed, a person only knows themselves as perfect. Anything and everything that is not perfect, has instant permission to leave. And the one doing the witnessing only feels, knows, and projects complete love. Love as absolute acceptance.

In our very human world, it can be a challenge to…

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Life, Perspective, and Healing

Just to let you all know, about six weeks ago, I had a healing session that ended up shifting my entire perspective of life. Everything. And the weird thing is, because I can see things from a higher perspective now, I can see common threads between things more easily, and am healing pains from my life at a higher level, which then trickles down. Essentially, I’m creating change for myself exponentially faster than I’ve been doing for the past four years.

At times, it feels like I’m on a bit of a carnival ride. But because my work in this area has been very purposeful and has progressed very organically, I’m hanging in there. The interesting thing is, because I now have the capability to heal things for myself, without needing to use hypnosis, all sorts of things are bubbling up, asking to be healed. It feels like this process is increasing with speed and efficiency, spiraling up and up, faster and faster.

I feel like the process that’s happening is trying to reach a crescendo, opening up to yet another level. But right now I can’t write much about it because I’m smack dab in the middle of it. After it’s rolled out a bit more and life settles down in that arena, I’ll write more.

Something I’ve wanted to speak about in a language that everyone can understand is just what healing means. What it is. With a new perspective on life, it occurred to me that speaking about life and healing in terms of perspective is something everyone can wrap their mind around.

First of all, most people don’t realize, but everyone sees the world just a bit differently from the next. Yes, the same physical objects might be in front of a bunch of people, but which object a person looks at, and what about that object a person pays attention to, is highly individual. And what colors how we see everything in life? Our life experiences, interests, and the subconscious beliefs we create about ourselves and our lives.

Every single person on this planet has their own perspective of life. And how we see ourselves and our life, often differs widely from someone else. Siblings can grow up in the same household and have completely different perceptions of life growing up together.

Healing something is merely making a change in how we see things in life. It’s a shift of perspective. That’s it. Other shifts of perspective happen when we have an aha moment, or when you’ve been struggling to make sense of something, and it finally becomes clear.

The difference with healing, is that changes in perspective are purposefully sought out. They are purposefully created. With healing, people strive to find a different perspective of things that help them feel better in life; to let go of pains and allow more love into their hearts.

And healers have a way of looking at life that gives them powerful tools to help people create change in their lives. Here’s an example of how healing works compared with something like counseling (which is very helpful as well).

A few years ago, when my son was in elementary school, he struggled to do homework after school most days. By the time he got home, he was fried. His brain was cooked. But he had reading requirements every day, and worksheets to finish. We’d sit at the dining room table and I’d try to get him to do his work. Inevitably, most days he’d freeze up and couldn’t do anything.

Because I knew he knew how to do the work, and I didn’t understand what was going on with him, I’d get frustrated. The more frustrated I got, the more locked up tight he got. I’d try so hard to not get all worked up, but my thoughts always ran to all sorts of ugly scenarios of him growing up and not being able to do work or get a job. More than once, I got so wound up that I had to give myself a time-out. That’s the point when many people blow up at their kid’s inability to perform.

Looking at a scene like this from a counselor’s point of view, they would work with a person to help them learn coping skills, like taking a time out before going rogue on your kid. They might have asked me to look further into my feelings to see what feelings beneath the overt and obvious ones, were acting up. Recognizing that when we are triggered into anger is because of feelings we hold deep down, if we can uncover them, we can shift our perspective from: my kid is stressing me out, to: my kid’s difficulty is reminding me of difficulty I have doing work under pressure at my job. It’s not really about my kid. It’s about me. When you change how you see things, it can ease your burden, and help you recognize that your child is merely a trigger for your feelings.

The difference with using a healer is, they usually use intuitive skills in some way. They can help a person see further into an issue, to look deeper into what’s going on. My modality of choice has been hypnosis, because it allows me to be able to do the seeing, giving me all the power in creating change for myself. It very directly affects my own heart, allowing me to open it up. My hypnotherapist guides me along, but I do all of the looking.

In the relaxed and focused hypnotic state, when I looked into what was going on between my son and I during those really stressful moments at the dining room table, I was able to notice feelings going on that I couldn’t even feel when my mind was fully conscious. I had blocked out half of my feelings. What bubbled up were a few statements: “What’s wrong with you? Are you defective or something?” I was directing that statement towards my kid in my mind. And as I was guided to go back in time to the very first time that thought came to me, I was able to see a scene between my mother and I when I was very young. She was saying those same words to me. And a moment later, intuitive knowledge hit me that I actually picked up these thought from my mother. She was actually thinking them about herself. She thought there was something wrong with her, and that she was defective.

In that moment, my perception of my feelings went from thinking my son was defective, to thinking I was defective, to knowing that my mother had felt that she was defective and I picked up her thoughts, owning them as my own (kids do this). Because I’d uncovered a deeply held subconscious belief about myself, and was able to find a new perspective that was different and worked for me, that little girl in me was instantly able to let go of the belief that she was defective. Instantly, a shift in perception was created that would ripple out into my life, affecting more than just homework time at the table.

When we grow up, we form beliefs about ourselves all the time. Most of this belief creation is done by the time we are about six years old. It correlates to brain development. When life activates a belief, it becomes further entrenched into our psyches, becoming deeply buried in our subconscious mind.

Anytime something in my life would activate this old belief, a part of me would act up and I would feel “stressed”. This is what stress is. Old shitty beliefs we carry about ourselves that aren’t true. But because we’re not aware of them, they mess with us six ways to Sunday. Creating a shift in perspective that addressed a subconscious belief I held about myself, created powerful change throughout my life.

The next time the exact same scenario came up with my son and his homework, as he melted down and his brain froze up, instead of frustration and anger rising up in me, I literally felt a hole of nothingness. Empty. It was so odd that I burst out laughing; which caused my son to look questioningly at me and then join me in laughter.

Creating a change in how we see things can help us feel better every day. And if you want to get down to the root of things, finding ways to look intuitively can take you quite literally to the root of how an issue first began. Put a change of perspective on it and it can change your life in wonderful ways.


Posted in Energy Therapy, Holistic Healing, Hypnosis | Tagged , , , | 17 Comments

Love and Acceptance

An offering of perspectives.

Remembering My Divinity


How much easier is it to accept or love another person
when you remember they are part of the human race?

How much easier is it to accept or love someone
once you get to know them and like them?

How much easier is it to love and accept someone
that you feel a special spark and kindred spirit relationship toward?

How much easier is it to love and accept someone
when they are your child?

What’s holding you back from loving yourself in the very same way?

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Attraction, Trust, Love

What attracts you? What gets your heart beating a little bit faster? What gets you excited? I have an interesting theory on this. And yes, if your mind just went down the gutter, my theory works there as well as high up in the clouds.

Something that gets me really excited lately, is connection. A love connection.

Have you ever noticed how sexy someone is when they exude confidence? That’s one of the most sexy things I know. Pure, unadulterated confidence. I want a piece of that!

But what is it about confidence that is so attractive? What is it about confidence that we are drawn to, that we recognize, that we want more of?

We see confidence when someone knows and trusts. They’ve done their job for so many years that they know how to handle anything that could come up. They’ve worked all the angles and are on top of them all. When something unexpected comes up, they know who to call to handle the situation. They know how to put out any fires. They have no fear.

Ah! They have no fear. How do they do that? I want that.

They trust.

They trust the skills and knowledge they’ve earned over years on the job. They trust that they can handle whatever is thrown their way.

But why is trust so attractive? Why are we drawn to a person who trusts in themselves? Because trust is evidence of connection. Trust is evidence that they are connected to a part of themselves that knows things. It’s like a billboard with spotlights beaming on it, reminding you that there is a part of you that knows stuff.

We’re attracted to people who know things, because when you know something, your level of trusting it is exponentially more than when you believe it or when you kind of, sort of know it. When you trust something explicitly, there is no room for fear or doubt.

That is sexy as hell.

So how do you build trust? Through experiences. You build trust in relationships over time because you have experiences with people. After a bunch of experiences, you learn who you can rely on. You know who is likely to flake out at the last-minute. You know who will tell you the truth, no matter how much it hurts, and you know who will lie to your face without batting an eye.

How do you build trust in yourself? By connecting to yourself. By taking a few moments and being quiet, and listening to your heart. If you don’t trust how to hear it, just feel it. Feelings don’t lie.

You build trust in yourself through heart to heart connection. Talk with your heart. Listen to it. I assure you, it has plenty to say. Feel it. If it’s been hurt deeply or many times, it might need a bit of coaxing to open up to you. Apologize to it when you need, and utterly love it when you can. Loving it will help it open up more.

This can be tricky in the beginning, especially if you don’t trust yourself very much. Begin by offering up trust. Just put it out there that you trust what you are feeling and hearing. If you let yourself down, a heart-felt apology can actually help you move on to be able to trust yourself again. The more you trust your heart, the more you can trust yourself. Your connection to yourself is through your heart.

By trusting yourself, you actually build more trust.

So with all of this talk about trust, where does knowledge come into play? You can trust yourself on many different levels. You can trust your body to do things for you because you know it. You experience it every day. And because you experience it, you know it.

You can trust that a round wheel will roll across the ground because you’ve seen it and experienced it in a hundred different ways. You know things about a wheel.

The common denominator between trust and knowledge is experience.

But what sort of trust is so sexy that it gets me all hot and bothered just thinking about it? The ultimate trust in ourselves. Trusting our intuition. Trusting that direct pipeline to knowing. Trust in that connection to all information. Now that floats my boat, rocks my world, rings my bell. That level of trust. That level of connection.

How do you know when you’re connected? By how you feel. How does it feel to be connected to yourself, to be connected to your intuition? Awesome! It feels like being in the flow, like knowing everything’s going to be ok no matter what’s going on around you. It feels like compassion. It feels like happiness. It feels like the moment you need something, it drops into your lap. And the stronger the connection, the greater the trust. And the greater the trust, the stronger the connection, until you’re spiraling up so hard and fast that it becomes positively orgasmic. Yup. The secret’s out.

Connecting to yourself at the level of your intuition feels like love. You are actually connecting with your Soul. And the deeper and more trusting the connection is, the more intense the feeling of love you can experience. Feeling the feeling of love is evidence that you are connecting to your Soul.

That’s what it is. That’s where love comes from. When you feel love you are actually connecting back into yourself.

We all want more of that!



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The Gift Of A Strong-Willed Child

If you’re reading this, it’s likely that you have a strong-willed child, or maybe teach one. Or you might be an aunt or uncle of one, or just know one. I want to let you in on a really big secret: they are here for your benefit.

I know, you’re thinking I’m nuts, I’m crazy. What am I talking about? How in the world could a child that pushes my buttons all day long, driving me berserk, even in a million years be beneficial for me? What the heck? WTF?

All right. I’ll spill it. They are here to show you where you don’t love yourself. They are here to show you all of the places and ways that you are rejecting love from coming to yourself.

By now you’re thinking that I’ve really gone off the deep end. Hang on. I’ll connect the dots that you can’t quite see yet. They’re there, I promise you. But they’re just invisible to you right now. Let’s see if I can help light them up for you, one by one.

When we have parts of us that reject love, they hurt. They live deep within us, often silent, until something causes them to cry out. Those parts of us are parts that became separated from us when we were young. They are pieces of us that got lost or went missing. They became disconnected from us and are sitting, waiting for us to notice them.

They are waiting for us to call them home. To once again reconnect with them. To open our hearts once again to them and accept them back in.

They are waiting for us to go back and love on them with such fierce and unconditionally accepting love that they have no choice but to melt back into our arms and into our hearts. They are waiting for us to remember and reconnect to that part of ourselves that is nothing but love, so all of those hurts, pains, stings and burns can dissolve back into love.

How do we recognize these lost little parts of us? What do they look and sound like? What do they feel like? They feel hurt, disregarded, disrespected, like they’ve been ditched. They feel sad and angry. They feel like fear. And sometimes they feel like fear masquerading as evil.

They sound like thoughts in our head. Thoughts of being bad, of getting caught and getting in trouble. Thoughts of being stupid, and being too fat or too skinny, or being defective. They scream out that they just want to be left alone, to do what they want to do, not what someone else wants them to do. These lost parts have a thousand voices of pain, crying out to be loved.

So how is it that we lost bits and pieces of ourselves? How can this even happen? It happens when our young hearts are broken. They lose faith. They lose trust. And they get stuck and lost without our love.

They tuck themselves into little balls of hopelessness, fear, and distrust, stuck in time and yet still connected to a part of us, just no longer with us in our hearts. They’re connected to us such that we feel them in our children’s pain and difficulties. As our children struggle, push against us and cry out, our lost bits and pieces cry out too.

Our lost little ones see themselves in our children’s feelings, rising up in triggered pain. The lost and separated parts of ourselves resonate with our children. They ring out with our children’s frustration, and with our children’s sadness, with our children’s anger and inability to cope with life. They ring out when our children believe they are stupid, lazy, or ugly. They recognize that feeling and call out, “Yes! That’s me! That’s what I feel like! I’m still here, feeling like crap! And I’ll continue to stay here for as long as it takes.”

We become triggered by our strong-willed children in a thousand ways. And every time it happens it’s because part of ourselves is crying out. It’s calling, begging, screaming out to be heard. To be loved. To be remembered. To be accepted.

When we are triggered by our challenging children, it can feel like a red-hot poker to the eye. But see it more as a neon red arrow pointing directly at the child in you that is screaming out to be accepted.

Awareness is the first step to being able to love them back into your heart.

The next time your strong-willed, high-spirited, or challenging child triggers something in you, take a moment to accept and love that piece of you that is still in pain. It will help you to be more loving towards your child when you know what’s really going on.


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Love Is The Greatest Power There Is

Love Is

When I say that love is the greatest power there is, some people think of what they would do for someone they love. They would die for someone they love. They would sacrifice their life for someone they love. I was put in a situation once where I thought I would be seriously injured and possibly killed, to save my son. You could call that a fierce mother’s love.

Fortunately, the situation I saw barreling down on my son and me changed at the last moment, as a Suburban suddenly and unexpectedly turned into a driveway mere feet before I was so sure it was going to take out my toddler, who was racing for the road. My plan, that unfurled in my mind as time slowed down, was for me to continue running after my son, pushing him out of the way of the vehicle, which I calculated would be just as he hit the street. This would leave the beast of a vehicle to hit me full on instead of him. (Because of a row of bushes, they wouldn’t be able to see him running for the road until they were right up on him). I never knew until that moment, that I wouldn’t hesitate for a moment to die for my son.

Sacrifice could be seen as love. But the most incredible love I’ve ever experienced is that which has no judgment, is pure compassion, and accepts me just exactly as I am. I’ve seen and felt it in action during healing work I’ve done, and as powerful as fear can be, holding us frozen, making us do things against our will, and be who we really don’t want to be, it can’t hold a candle to love. Love looks at fear and fear just melts.

Love is that thing that tells you even when feel like your world is crumbling, everything’s gonna be alright. Love lets you know that the bad habit you’re trying to kick isn’t really bad. In fact, it’s helping part of you to be ok. And once that part of you finally figures out that it really, truly is ok, that bad habit takes a hike all on its own.

Love takes all forms of judgment, lack, and less than, and embraces them so completely that they literally dissolve. When I believed I was a worthless piece of trash, love told me it’s ok and loved me anyway. When I believed I was damaged goods, love told me it’s ok and loved me anyway. When I believed I was defective, love told me it’s ok and loved me anyway.

Love doesn’t question my beliefs about myself, but envelops and accepts them so utterly completely that my brokenness has no choice but to melt back together. When brokenness has nothing left to push against, it falls down and gives up. Brokenness can only stand when there is resistance, when it has something to prop itself upon.

Love is the absolute most powerful energy that exists. It is what the Source that creates us feels like. In fact, because we are made from Source energy, we actually are walking talking love beings. Just stepped down versions of the love that is our Source.

This was inspired by a recent experience I had of an energy that I know as Archangel Michael. As he stood before me, my mind’s eye looked out at his massive, winged form. And the love that emanated from him left me in tears. It wasn’t just love, it was an extremely powerful love. The sort of unconditional love that a parent feels for their child, and then some.

Love exists outside of good, bad, right and wrong.

Love is what helps us grow our children.

Love looks at fear, and fear instantly dissolves.

Love is the place and the path of no resistance.

Love is the point of Unity.

Love generates creation.

Love is all accepting.

Love heals all.

Love is.





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Keeping The Focus On Love

It’s no mistake that right now our world is being shaken up quite vigorously. It’s quite on purpose that there are a lot of people being activated and rising up in protest at the moment. There is a very big reason behind all of the unrest and discontent of the times.

It is a time of great change, and for great change to happen, great, uncomfortable, reactivity and spinning out of fear, lack, limitation, hate, and intolerance are coming to the party. Chaos and breaking down of systems and institutions abound.

Structures that no longer fit and systems that no longer work for the majority need to change and adapt. It’s never comfortable when changing structures and systems. As long as they work for the majority, they aren’t challenged, and as such, are comfortable. It’s when they no longer work for the majority that things become uncomfortable. And there eventually becomes a tipping point when change must happen.

Because our society’s consciousness has risen as much as it has, structures and systems that no longer reflect our current consciousness have to change; they must reflect the change in our level of consciousness.

Structures, institutions, and systems always reflect the consciousness of its people.

Something I recently saw with great clarity, is that when people are connected to their own intuition and inner knowing, they have a healthy sense of self and self-love. They have great self-esteem. When people are fully connected to their intuition and inner knowing, they know that they are eternal beings whose soul never dies, and the fear of death goes away. They understand how what they believe about themselves and about life impacts the creation of their lives, and there is no sense of lack or limitation. They creatively solve problems with the goal of improving the lives of everyone, while being respectful of the environment. There is no fear, and thus no hording of anything or overuse of natural resources.

When people are fully connected to their intuition and inner knowing, they embody their true essence of love, compassion, unity, community, and acceptance. People naturally come together to help one another, instead of fearfully separating ourselves into arbitrary groups based on our differences. Connected people understand that beneath different exteriors, we all have the same core of love, compassion, and acceptance. When we are secure with ourselves, we appreciate the variety of interests and talents and skills of other people, instead of being threatened by them. We value our differences and use them to our advantage.

When people understand that what their heart focuses on is what will become their reality, they keep their eyes on the prize of love, unity, and compassion. When people learn how to heal their fears and heal all the beliefs that they created to fit into a world that wasn’t aligned with their core selves, the world will change even more. When people learn to heal what’s in their way of knowing themselves as loving, compassionate and fully accepting beings, the world will have no choice but to reflect that change.

I have a dream that everyone will learn how to heal their inner wounded child. And in doing so, the passing down of wounds will no longer need to be perpetuated. I have a dream that everyone will be fully connected to their loving and compassionate inner core, and that their acceptance of themselves will spill out to the world with acceptance for all. I have a dream that everyone will know their eternal nature, and will remember that life is never-ending, thus ending all fear of death. I have a dream that we will maintain our connection to the invisible field of consciousness and information that connects us all, and in doing so, we will remember our abilities to communicate telepathically, and will be able to access any and all knowledge simply at will, and will be able to communicate with beings who are no longer inhabiting a physical body in the here and now.

I have a dream that everyone will understand the mechanics of disease and illness, and will know the role that their own beliefs have in the creation of disease, illness and pain. I have a dream that with this knowledge, energy healers will play a huge role in helping people clean up all their wonky beliefs and fears, reconnecting themselves to their innate wisdom, to their core truth, and will end cycles of passing on wounds to each subsequent generation.

This is not a pipe dream. More and more children are being born every day who haven’t lost their connection to their intuition and inner knowing. They are born remembering they are love and compassion, and they want nothing more than to help others and for others to feel good. More and more children are being born with the natural ability to heal those around them. They feel others pain and transmute it, not even consciously realizing they are doing it. More and more children are being born whose nature is community and who intuitively love and respect our planet and nature.

Children are not born with fear of death, it is taught to them. Children are not born fearful of those who are different from them, it is taught to them. Children are not born filled with fear of lack and not enough, it is taught to them. Children are not born filled with hate, it is taught to them. Children are not born disconnected from who they are, it is socialized out of them.

More and more children are being born who learn differently and who are so connected to the invisible field of consciousness that they often just know things without knowing how they know them. They can’t show how they got their answer, because they reached up into the big cloud that contains all information, and grabbed it, and most adults don’t know about this yet. Many of these children have been labeled as dysfunctional or deficient.

More and more children are being born with amazing gifts in one area of life, bringing in talents from other lifetimes because they weren’t completely forgotten. They are called prodigies or savants. More and more children are being born with the ability to laser focus on what they want until it has no choice but to come to fruition. Yes, they have trouble focusing on things that don’t interest them, but they are born with the incredible tools to manifest anything their hearts desire. They are called deficient and disordered.

Many of these very special and amazing children are seen as defective because their gifts are not understood. They are not appreciated and validated for their amazing talents because we adults are not educated about how incredible they are. We, who are still steeped in fear, lack, self-loathing, limitation, and separation mentality, only look for deficits and differences. We constantly project our own deficits and deficiencies on everyone around us. We insist on conformity and uniformity because being different and unique scares us still. These “defective, dysfunctional, and deficient” children are all masters at something. It’s up to the adults to figure out what that is and to nourish it and them. They are here to teach us, to assist in our evolution.

The systems and institutions we have created mirror where we are as a people. But as we the people grow and evolve, as we become more connected to our core selves and as we remember our truths, our collective consciousness has no choice but to rise up and up. As that happens, society’s institutions and systems have no choice but to reflect the change.

I have a dream that as the old is breaking down, and the new is being created, what is being created will reflect my connection to my compassionate, accepting, loving self. It will appreciate everyone for their unique gifts and talents, without fear of differences. The new will be created from a sense of eternal abundance, and without the fear of not enough, the planet and all of her resources will be more than enough for everyone. We will become proficient in harnessing energy from invisible fields that the planet holds. (The knowledge is already here, but people who control our existing power sources are currently too afraid to change).

I know my dreams are lofty ones, but I see them coming to fruition. As we all wake up to our core, loving, compassionate selves, we eventually reach the tipping point where society as a whole makes the shift. The bigger the gap between where we were and where we now are, with regards to our consciousness, the more uncomfortable the shift and change. But fear not, uncomfortable is not bad, it’s just uncomfortable. Change is not bad, it’s just new and different.

The reason why the world looks and feels uncomfortable and chaotic right now is because we have tipped. Enough people have changed that society is merely reflecting that change. In response, systems and institutions that no longer work for the majority have no choice but to also reflect change.

What is our role in all of this change? Keep your focus on what you want to see come to fruition. My focus comes from inside of me: it all comes from my connection to myself as the loving and compassionate being I know I am. My focus is based on the knowledge that there is enough for everyone, and that fear has no place in my life. My focus is based on knowing that everyone has the same basic goals and wishes in life: to love and be loved and to make a difference. To have a sense of purpose. To matter. And my focus is based on knowing that the more I’m connected to my own inner wisdom, the more easily answers to every question and solutions to every problem easily pop into my life.

What sort of world are you creating?

Posted in Holistic Healing, inspiration, Spirituality, The Voyage | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

He Really Didn’t Want A Hair Cut

My son was diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder when he was two years old. One of the effects of it was having extreme challenges with having his hair cut. The sound of scissors or clippers set him off. The feeling of the tiny bits of hair on his skin was unbearable. And after being forced to go to a barber, my son decided that because he’d seen how to cut hair, he could do it himself.

That’s something I’ve learned about this kiddo: he learns by watching. After he sees someone do something, in his mind, he can do it too. No awareness of a learning curve, or the fact that someone has practiced several times to be able to develop their level of skill. He sees it. He knows he can do it too.

A few days after I’d talked about how my son’s hair was getting a little bit long, I was getting ready to put him on the bus to preschool, and I noticed his bedroom door was closed. At four years old, his bedroom door was never closed during the day. Never. And, he was quiet. This kid was never quiet. Never.

I gingerly opened the door to my confident preschooler with scissors in hand and piles of hair on the floor at his feet. I caught him, mid-snip. Where just minutes before he’d had beautiful brown hair that was getting on the long side, the top of his head was stubble about 1/8″ long. His bangs were gone too. He hadn’t had time to get to the rest of his head, other than one big cut to the side.

Trying to not completely lose my shit on this poor kid, who just wanted to take control of something that was usually out of his control and very uncomfortable, I asked him what he was doing, and then explained that barbers practiced their hair cutting skills on doll head before they ever cut a person’s hair.

With that, I took him to preschool that day, dropping him off and heading to a nearby department store, where I bought the most complete clipper set they carried. I still use it to this day. Best $40 I ever spent.


Participated in Linda Hill’s Stream of Consciousness Saturday. Here’s the prompt for this week.


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Addiction and Sobriety

I was inspired by a woman, a beautiful and talented writer, who is proudly six years sober. She was sporting a t-shirt celebrating her sobriety. Her bright smile and sparkling eyes made it hard to believe that she ever struggled with addiction, but she has. And I don’t know for sure, but I imagine those pangs that once drove her to drink might rise up every now and then as whispers of the past. I’m so very proud of her for carrying on.

Thinking about being able to give up the tool that once helped a person cope with emotional struggle, got me thinking about my relationship with food, and what a wild and crazy journey it’s been. I thought that of all of the things out there to become addicted to, why did I pick food? Seriously? A person can live without taking drugs, and can live without alcohol, but they can’t live without food. WTF? I never do anything half-assed, do I? I can’t just stay away from food for the rest of my life, unless I want it to be a very short one.

It took me years to even realize I that my relationship with food wasn’t just off kilter, I was addicted to it. I couldn’t understand how people could eat a meal and then not think about food every moment until the next meal. It wasn’t just that I loved the taste of this or that, or that I’d been conditioned to celebrate everything in life with food, although that was certainly true. Think about it. Everything we celebrate, is entangled with food. Holidays, birthdays, graduations, promotions, births, deaths, making it to Friday night, and even the Superbowl.

For me, food was the one thing I could count on. As soon as sugar hit my taste buds, my brain got a hit of something it loved, something it craved. It wanted more and more. When I was frustrated, bored, or lonely, toasted sourdough bread with melted salty butter or hot pasta covered with grated parmesan cheese hit the spot like nothing else. Crunchy salted pretzels with cream cheese did it for me even more than chocolate. Unless that chocolate was swirled with peanut butter in vanilla ice cream. The sweet, salty, crunchy goodness of taste was nirvana to my soul.

But the thing was, even food wasn’t enough. There was a bottomless pit that was screaming out for food, and even food couldn’t fill it. That’s the hallmark of addiction: the need is never satisfied.

I discovered that addiction is actually something that can be healed. For many people who have a lot of drive and determination, addiction can be managed. Especially if the object of addiction is something that they can live without, substituting healthier behaviors in place of the addiction, and finding a good support system works for many. But for me, because my addiction has been something I couldn’t just stay away from, I chose to go the healing route. It’s taken a lot of seeking and a bit of trial and error. But as with anything that is worth while, because I’ve stuck with it, I’ve made progress.

Unfortunately, with some people, they have wounds that have impacted them in such a way as to create an addiction, and they don’t even know what’s going on. They are either in denial that they even have a problem, or they don’t know how to find other coping tools that work for them. One of the biggest obstacles I see to healing addiction, is that in order to create addiction, there has to be a soul fracturing event or events. Something has happened in someone’s life that broke them from the inside out. And when that happens, any sense of self-love or self-empowerment goes out the window. How can someone help themselves when they feel no sense of self-empowerment? It’s a vicious circle.

With my childhood, I’m not surprised that I ended up with an addiction. But I’m surprised that I didn’t end up hooked on alcohol, drugs, sex, or shopping. Just food. The tricky thing was, for many years I managed to cope. I didn’t cope well in some areas, but I got by. It took realizing that diets weren’t working for me, and then giving up on them, compounded by other severe life stress, for my weight to finally become out of my control. With the scale creeping ever higher, and then dieting down a bit, only to gain even more weight back, and with life piling major stressor on top of major stressor, for me to finally see the truth. That food was an addiction for me, and I was totally out of control.

I also believed that as much as I needed something like bariatric surgery to get my weight down, I knew I would likely defeat the surgery if I didn’t heal the reason why I overate all the time. That’s when I turned to hypnotherapy for the first time back in 2000. I’d seen people who’d had bariatric surgery and who either had complications, or who had nasty side effects from the procedures, and some who regained some or all of the weight initially lost. I knew that wasn’t the answer for me.

And when I began healing my need to eat, what kept coming up was stuff from my childhood. What the heck? And then I had a handful of mystical experiences. What was going on? I continued to lose and gain and lose and gain and gain and gain.

And it would take almost a dozen more years of searching and trying before I’d have any big light shed on my addiction, when the first little chink was put into its armor. As much as I experienced a little bit of healing with the first hypnotherapist I worked with, it wasn’t until after working with an energy healer that the grip of one food category finally loosened enough for me to let it go.

Just having that one experience let me know that I didn’t have to spend the rest of my life a slave to food cravings. I knew that if I could be freed from cravings for one major food category (dairy), I could be freed from the rest.

Over the next few years, I tried a couple of different hypnotherapists. Many of my sessions began with noticing triggers in my life that sent me running for my drug of choice. Identifying my triggers and following feelings attached to them in healing sessions, led me to beliefs that were being activated. This has been a lot of my work. Noticing repeating patterns of triggered feelings, and healing underlying beliefs.

The shocking thing for me was having mystical experiences along the way. Seeing things like pre-birth planning come up when all I wanted to do was stop food cravings. And having an angel heal me of deep shame, were a few of the more amazing things that came along quite unexpectedly.

Along my journey of healing food cravings, I’ve discovered myself, created healthy personal boundaries, healed poor body image, and have developed great love and respect for the person I am today and the little girl that I was. That little one who struggled mightily to survive. The one who didn’t make it out unscathed, but who is becoming whole and beautiful and happy once again.

I think the most unexpected thing about healing so many childhood wounds, has been bringing all of the bits and pieces back to myself. And a wonderful effect has been connecting to my core self which is my divine self. It’s that part of me that we each have, that is our perfect magnificence. It’s the real being underneath all of the programming, judgment, and social conditioning that tells us we are less than. It’s that pure loving, compassionate being that we glimpse in ourselves from time to time.

I still giggle from time to time when I look back at who I was just a few short years ago, and the thing I wanted most, other than a break from being mom now and then, was to be free of the ever-present cravings. I was so tired of being obsessed with dieting and failing, yet again. I saw my body growing bigger and bigger, and wondered if I could ever figure it all out.

And now I know that for me, it was all one big set-up. One gigantic set-up. Growing up in an abusive environment, was the perfect brew pot for me to lose all sorts of bits and pieces of myself along the way and to not be able to develop a healthy sense of self. I readily took on all sorts of shame and blame, and created lots of beliefs of “less than”. It was the perfect medium in which to create an addiction. Absolutely perfect.

But the object of my addiction couldn’t be something that left me in shambles, unable to think and function. And it had to be something I could get my hands on from a very young age. Food fit the bill. It calmed my overwhelmed world early on. It worked.

Along the road of figuring out this food thing, I’ve “accidentally” been discovering myself. I now know this was no accident, but it was also no guarantee. We all have free will. The key is paying attention to what catches your attention. Focusing on what draws you in, and deciding if it’s for you or not. That’s how I discovered hypnosis for me. It called to me. And even when one hypnotherapist wasn’t quite the right fit, I kept looking. Today, I work with someone who is a great fit for me.

This entire journey has really been about coming back to myself, and coming into myself in the most loving and authentic way possible. It’s been incredible and mind-blowing when I sit back and think about the whole thing.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned about addiction, it’s that soul separation and fracture are at the root of every single addiction out there. And soul retrieval, in all its forms, is the way to heal it. If you or someone you love struggles with addiction, know that love and compassion for the wounded child who still lives within, is the way. There are many healers out there, and many of us are wounded healers: those who have come into their abilities through their own journey of woundedness. Keep trying. Keep looking.

Edited to add: I wasn’t quite ready to share when I published this piece, but a few days after I wrote this, I had a hypnotherapy experience that healed my lifelong food addiction, and more. When the message hit me that my quest to figure out why I’d had so many issues with food was completed, I was shocked, elated, and simply amazed. Most of my healing experiences are now being chronicled in my sister blog, Remembering My Divinity, and if you want to read about this incredible session, it’s all here.

Posted in Energy Therapy, Holistic Healing, Hypnosis, Mental Health | Tagged , , , | 15 Comments