Christ Consciousness

This time of year is when we pause briefly in our busy lives to celebrate the birth of and to reconnect with what a radical dude known as Jesus taught. That we are all one. We are interconnected not only physically through interdependence, but energetically. We pause to focus on love, generosity, joy, and light.

I always loved Christmas growing up. The excitement and anticipation of what Santa Claus would bring, and the excitement of seeing family I only saw at holidays. Parties and singing Christmas carols with friends, and dressing up. Later, going out on my own, I created my own Christmas, whether I was sharing an apartment in Key West with four other people or on the other side of the globe on a ship.

Some of my favorite things about Christmas are the music and buying presents. I love finding that special something I know someone will love. Or making gifts. As a girl who never had much money, my local hobby shop provided everything I needed to make jewelry gifts, and when as an adult I had a microscopic business selling my photography, soaps and lip balms, those were also gifted at Christmas. I love hand-crafted and homemade.

When I was in high school, my mother, older brother, and I played the two church services on Christmas Eve. Vivaldi’s Gloria, Handel’s Messiah, and Christmas carols. Mom and I on our violins and brother on his trumpet accompanying the choir. As much as I sometimes found church services a bit boring back then and only went on Christmas and Easter, it was fun to play music. Because there wasn’t much time between the early evening service and the 11 pm service to get dinner, after Mom decided to pick up a pizza one year, it became a Christmas Eve tradition we carried on for several years. And one I’ve carried on with my family because my husband often works on Christmas Eve. It’s quick, easy, and delicious.

Every year, just after Thanksgiving I crank up Christmas music. No matter what’s going on in my life, this music always makes me feel good, or if I’m struggling, it soothes me. And I’m not biased regarding the type of Christmas music. Classic carols sung by Bing Crosby, new hits from Kelly Clarkson, songs from my childhood like the Chipmunks, or tunes from Jimmy Buffet that take me back to the days working on boats in Florida and the Bahamas. It isn’t Christmas until I’ve listened to Handel’s Messiah a few times or Vivaldi’s Gloria. And when I’m in the mood for something soothing, I tend to turn to Celtic music, or instrumental guitar or piano. As I write this, I’ve got my favorite Windham Hill Celtic Christmas album on.

When my son was little, we carried on the tradition of making Christmas cookies. Sugar cookies in all shapes, decorated with sprinkles and colored sugars. And making Chex party mix, small loaves of banana and pumpkin bread. My favorite Christmas tradition for a long time was making braided cardamom bread that my best friend’s mother made and always gave us. It was a sweet bread infused with crushed, fragrant cardamom seeds that was nirvana to me, and when I left home I took a copy of the recipe. Although food sensitivities and allergies have prevented me from eating it for the past several years, I still enjoy things infused with cardamom, like chai tea.

Little Man shortly before his first birthday.

Gifts, music, food, and family. Getting together with friends and family. Reconnecting with people I haven’t seen in far too long is my favorite part of Christmas. But with the ongoing pandemic and my own private journey with Kundalini energy still making life in general quite challenging, staying in touch hasn’t been easy. Thankfully, we’ve got the internet and phones.

When life took a metaphysical turn a decade ago, it put me on a track of healing and becoming more and more aware that there’s more to life than the world I’d known my whole life. It put me on a track that brought all sorts of surprises, like experiences of Jesus himself. Once, I saw how he healed people with the energy of pure divine love blasting out of his heart chakra like a jet engine. Similar to using Reiki and Pranic Healing, he used the energy and his consciousness to raise people’s energetic frequency and to see them whole and healed.

Another time, when I was releasing a bunch of my own crud near the end of a hypnotic healing session, as I watched black sticky, tar-like sludge come out of my heart, all of a sudden Jesus appeared in front of me with his hands outstretched. He beckoned me to give the blackness to him. When I hesitated, he insisted that I give all of it to him. To not hold back any of it. He could handle it. He could very literally take it, and he did. Blew my mind!

Having been on a healing journey for just over a decade, I’ve realized that Jesus works with me to help heal my heart. He’s all about the heart. And the heart houses our primary connection to the Divine. There’s a tiny point within our heart that connects us to Source. To God. A connection we all have, but generally aren’t aware of. Yet when I was at a workshop a half dozen years ago, using guided meditation we were walked into and through that point (actually, I slid down a slide like I did when I was a kid – wee!) to the other side. Landing in the lap of Source I was shown that we are all connected. That we’re all one. I was shown it and the remembrance vibrated in every cell.

Through energy healing experiences I’ve not only seen how connected I am to people but in cases where I held onto painful memories, the vibration of pain has been dissolved. And I’ve learned I’m not innocent myself of causing hurt and pain in the world. All the negative emotions we hold onto, although part of the game of life, can be healed. And until we heal, pain tends to beget pain.

This time of year the veil between worlds gets thin. With such a large focus on things like Christmas, the recent winter solstice, and bringing light and love into the world, my inner world’s been vibrating with the energy of reconnection and forgiveness. The energy of opening my heart even more than it’s been opened and letting more things go.

With Kundalini energy shaking me and rattling things loose, sometimes inner shifts happen without my consciously intending to heal something. Sometimes, when I’m in a quiet, private space in contemplation, shit just happens – as it did a few days ago. Musing out loud into my voice recorder on the subject of Christ Consciousness, I unexpectedly talked myself into a deep inner shift and release. And what came up, as I felt my heart cracking and ripping open was all about forgiveness. Being forgiven for being human. Forgiving myself for all sorts of less than loving moments in my life when I took out my pain on others. (I’ll be posting more about it over at Remembering My Divinity).

This is what we do. We become emotionally triggered or are in a bad mood, blame it on someone else, spewing a rainbow of crud outward. It’s reflexive, learned, habituated, and can at times feel temporarily empowering to go off on someone. Temporarily! And the only way the cycle ends is through a forgiveness process. A process of connection between people. I’m talking real open-hearted connection. Or by creating inner reconnection. Healing.

The healing moment set me free. It wasn’t the first time I’ve experienced healing around the pain I’ve caused others, but this time it felt bigger – deeper – broader. What this healing has done for me in the past is allow me to quickly take ownership over my part in someone else’s pain. It’s made it easy to apologize on the spot instead of retreating for sometimes a few days, stuck in my own world of hurt. But the energy of the recent healing wasn’t only for me. It felt bigger, much bigger. Like it was for the entire planet. Like this is what Jesus wanted us all to know. Deep down in our bones, vibrating in every cell, type of knowing.

Jesus is an avatar for Christ Consciousness. The embodiment of Oneness. And he’s a master healer – all about connection and reconnection. Helping us make our way through the world, reminding us to live through our hearts. Christmas is his origin story and celebrates his life, what he taught when he walked in the world, and what he still teaches through all sorts of spiritual channels (just tune in through your heart!). It’s about coming together, helping each other, spending time feeling joyful, and practicing acts of gratitude. It’s a time to take a minute, slow down, and remember our core essence of love.

My Christmas wish for everyone is joy, abundance, health, and above all, peace.

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What does love feel like? It feels like there’s nothing I could ever do that’s wrong. It’s a warm, comforting embrace of complete and utter acceptance. It’s the relief felt when you find out everything going to be ok. When worry and fear suddenly melt away. It’s when your child lies because they don’t want to disappoint you, and you let it go. It’s when your spouse tries to make you happy with their version of love language, not yours, and you accept the gift anyway.

I grew up thinking love was the aching pit in my stomach when someone I was attracted to didn’t reciprocate. Or that love was the happiness I felt when someone I was attracted to actually did reciprocate. I was taught that love means doing for others even when you don’t want to, and smiling when you want to cry.

And then I felt the love of spirit. The love from spirit. The love that vibrates both in and through me that I was born with. That we’re all born with. There will never be enough words to describe the energy of love because it’s beyond words.

Love is acceptance. It fully and completely allows all. Yes, ALL. It observes without judging, takes notes without criticizing, and hopes with every fiber of its being to know itself through each of its creations.

Love is so much more than merely an incredible feeling, it’s information. It has all the answers and knows before I do. It doesn’t dictate to me which choice to make or way to go but allows us infinite options. With do-overs always an option.

My favorite thing about love is magic. It grows people from a few cells and creates lives that look like everything under the sun and then some. It saves us from certain death and allows us to cross over to its loving embrace.

It’s intelligent and healing and looks like bright white light made from rainbows of every color. Love is the perfection of geometry and math while creating limitless music from eight notes and then some. It animates and inspires brush strokes and little fingers who paint masterpieces on paper, canvas, and macaroni strung into a necklace.

I could spend all day trying to describe love to you, but it would be much easier for you to go hug your loved one. The one you cherish, who makes you light up.

Have a wonderful day filled with the light of a thousand suns, and love.

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Veteran’s Day

On this Veteran’s Day it’s my deepest and most sincere desire that one day people are able to find ways to keep lines of communication open, and to learn how to heal broken lines of communication so we don’t have to resort to war and other armed conflicts to solve disputes.

And the quickest way to peace may be healing our own inner wars.

Healing works.


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Inspiration swirls ’round
orange, yellow, and red.

Dropping from branches,
it sometimes lands
gentle, fluffy, and white.

While other times it splashes
boisterously through puddles
stomping its presence.

It slips in seamlessly
between my thoughts

And rains down my back
along with soap suds,
first poking my crown without thorns.

It pings and pongs
from my gut
through my heart
and out my fingers.

And whispers into the
back of my head
until I hear.

Suddenly with a deep inbreath,
a landscape once invisible
comes into diamond clear focus

And I am changed
once again.

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New Kids on the Block

Dear Gentle Reader,

Once again, thank you so much for visiting my blog. A tiny corner of the world where I’ve been sharing my life’s journey for just over a decade. And what a journey it’s been. A year into blogging, spirituality crept up and knocked me over the head in the very best of ways. By cracking me open to the awareness that there’s more to my world than the physical world I’d previously known. I suddenly knew down to my marrow there’s an energetic world enmeshed with our physical existence.

This was a truly mind-blowing time.

But my journey into the energetic and mystical was just getting started. Focusing on the realm of healing, I not only had incredible mystical experiences but discovered how to heal physical disease and change my very consciousness by being guided through my inner world and resolving inner dissonance. Healing the gap between my physical and energetic levels of awareness. Put another way, creating soul reconnection by reaching an unconscious awareness held by my physical mind and body and bringing it into alignment with the awareness of my soul and higher self. A bit of ascension on speed-dial, if you will.

Something I’d like to bring forth today as delicately as possible revolves around experiences I had a few years ago now. I say delicately because many people’s sensibilities might have them call me a crank or someone who’s crazy, and if I hadn’t experienced it myself I might be inclined to agree. Yet those who’ve followed my crazy mystical journey will hopefully bear with me.

During the first several months of my time with Kundalini energy fully awakened and activated, my intuition and ability to connect with the unseen realm suddenly opened quite a bit. And I had a few instances of lucid dreaming. Lying in bed, I suddenly became aware of seeing blackness, through non-physical eyes. The blackness soon came into focus and became the surface of a being. It was pure black, shiny, and had scales, sort of like the skin of a snake, but wasn’t a snake. I suddenly became afraid at the thought it looked reptilian. A split second later I was flooded with the most incredible unconditional love, and all fear instantly dissolved.

The being looked a bit reptilian, reminiscent of a small T-Rex dinosaur, but the head was different. Shaped a bit differently, smaller, and without large menacing teeth. A yellow-orange stripe that began at the top of the head ran midline down its entire back, and looking closely at it appeared to be a double helix design. That was the extent of the visuals. Yet when I’d felt the incredible love, I knew this being was Arcturian. It was my first contact with extra-terrestrials, star beings. Not a physical, fully conscious contact, yet a metaphysical contact I know to be true.

About a year later when I had a hypnotherapy session to help heal inner discomfort, at the end of the session, after the inner healing shift happened and things felt quite resolved, when my hypnotherapist asked if there was anything else to address. Looking back at the final scene of the movie that had been playing out in my head, I watched my body which had been curled up in the fetal position resting comfortably on a bed of grass suddenly float upward.

It floated up so high it passed completely through Earth’s atmosphere and out into space where I wondered where it was going. Was it going to the moon? No. Far beyond. Before long, my body was standing on a planet with members of my family. My Arcturian family. The intensity of love I felt from them brought me to tears. They vibrate so much higher than we humans do. I don’t remember a lot of details about what they looked like, but they appeared humanoid, standing upright with a body, head, two arms, and legs. Although they didn’t appear like my previous vision of an Arcturian, I’ve been assured Arcturians don’t all look the same. As creatures on Earth differ.

What particularly stood out was knowing I’d been one of them in another lifetime and for some reason needed to reconnect to that knowledge. It felt like an incredible soul reconnection and family reunion. And it wasn’t the last. There was one more very brief but profound reconnection and nothing since.

Truth be told, I may never again connect in this way with beings who call other planets home, but I felt compelled to share these experiences to let others know we’re not alone in the cosmos.

Compared to our star families, we’re unevolved and are technologically light-years behind. We’re a society still so divided and warring, sometimes a danger not only to ourselves and the planet but to the galaxy beyond. Yet it appears we’re beginning to evolve enough that we’re experiencing contact very gradually.

A few years back when I discovered the work of Dolores Cannon, a hypnosis technique she developed, Quantum Healing Hypnosis Technique, allows her clients to also remember lifetimes as other star beings. A little trivia for you Star Trek fans, the Prime Directive: a guiding principle of Starfleet that prohibits its members from interfering with the natural development of alien civilizations, comes directly from Dolores’ work.

And we’re the developing alien civilization. The new kids on the block.

Posted in Holistic Healing, Hypnosis, Kundalini, Spirituality, The Voyage | Tagged , , | 5 Comments

Healing the World

A little over a decade ago when I worked with a hypnotherapist to help me heal food cravings, he used a process of repeated regression to take me to the root of my issue. To unveil a misbelief I’d been living with and heal it, thus releasing me from a food craving. This was his technique.

He’d have me remember a recent situation I responded to by eating, and allow the emotions I was feeling at the time to come up. Amplifying my feelings, he had me take note of any physical sensations and then directed me to go back in time to the very first time I’d felt these same feelings. Once a scene came to me he’d ask a short series of questions meant to determine if I’d actually reached the root of the issue.

During one of the more profound sessions, one of the “stops” I made before we reached the root had me in my mother’s womb terrified to be born. Afraid I’d bitten off more than I can chew. Because it wasn’t the root of the issue, I was regressed a few more times until I reached the root: when I was planning my life with a spirit guide. The misbelief that came up was “I have to feel the pain of the world – in order to better empathize with people, so I can help them heal.”

The hypnotherapist walked me through a process that released me from fear and when he walked me forward in time, instead of being terrified to be born, I was excited.

Eventually I reached a good place and stopped working with this fellow. A little over a year later I had a spiritual awakening where my passion for energy healing awoke, and my life took a big turn.

Two years into my new passion, having explored many different healing modalities and going through the loss of both my parents within ten months, I decided to dive back into hypnosis. This time with someone who blended spirituality into their practice.

Sessions began taking me back to moments in my young life when painful events became lodged in my unconscious mind. I was able to see traumatic moments without becoming retraumatized; and not only see them but completely release the emotional charge. I was essentially revisiting all sorts of pain within my world.

As I healed things that bothered me, I began to understand the connection between my inner and outer worlds.

When Little Man was elementary school aged and didn’t do what I believed him capable of, the more I pushed and the more he didn’t comply, the more frustrated and angry I became. And I turned to food. Looking at the situation in a hypnotherapy session, I discovered the anger coming from a belief, deep in my unconscious mind, that I’d taken on from my mother when I was only two or three. A belief I was defective. When she wanted me to do something I didn’t want to do, she got very, very, very upset with me. In fact, because she was manic, her response was over the top and was what I’d call verbally abusive. In response, my logical mind decided I was the problem. It was my fault she was so upset. And this was what got wired into me.

Once the emotional trigger was healed, I had a lot more patience with my son and with that bit of stress resolved didn’t need to use food.

After having a handful of sessions, I recognized that anything making me upset was actually triggering one of my unconscious beliefs. And they could easily be dissolved. With each healing session all sorts of inner pain left. Fear, sorrow, anger, and more. I began to walk the world with more and more inner peace. And life began to flow.

During one of the sessions we had, after I’d worked with this hypnotherapist for a few years, a belief came up that had to do with my world not being a safe place. The belief was formed in my toddler years and related to my family. The amazing thing was after the belief was dissolved, suddenly everything in my world felt safer.

I didn’t feel the need to lock our doors as often, and I suddenly began to recognize fearful behaviors of those around me who still believe the world is inherently unsafe.

I’d been healing the pain of the world, the pain of my perception of the world, by healing my own pain. As I healed things in me, they dropped off my radar. When things don’t upset you, you don’t notice them.

Before Kundalini energy opened a little over four-and-a-half years ago, I thought this was what “healing the world” was all about. And it was. I’d pay attention to things that bothered me and heal them. Not because I was trying to heal the world, but because I felt better; more peaceful inside.

Unwitting Mystic, Mary Reed posted a poignant video about our perception of “the world” talking about how what we see out there is actually our perception of the world. I’ve shared it before, but it’s worth repeating.

The irony is with the action of Kundalini energy acting on me, what’s come up for healing aren’t only my issues but those which resonate with so many others. Issues I’m picking up from those around me: family and friends. And issues that are hot in the world, all over the news.

My energy field has been literally vibing off other people’s issues and creating healing shifts within me. Talk about Oneness! When it first happened it was very disconcerting because out of the blue I’d suddenly talk about things that normally weren’t important to me (that were emotional and important to the person I was with), or behave very unlike myself, and in a quick flash I’d experience an inner shift that I’d been completely oblivious to moments before it happened. Only in hind sight was I able to recognize that I’d been in such a resonance with their unhealed issue that I was essentially acting out their energy.

With each shift I receive information (a claircognizant “download”) letting me know what came up that’s now gone.

Initially this process happened very quickly and healing shifts happened somewhat spontaneously. People are good at hiding their emotions, but their energy doesn’t lie. Because these healing shifts were quite deep, the amount of emotion that came was also deep and in the form of tears. After a few months I was able to delay the shift from fully coming up until I was in a private place. Not only do people not do well to have their stuff mirrored back in their face, but they don’t do well with big tearful emotion. And the entire process, including integrating my new energy field, was really tiring.

These days I’m back to having healing sessions to help me access my unconscious world and bring things to light. I’m still vibing off those around me, but with contemplation and sometimes writing, I recognize something about what’s coming up to be released. As much as it was somewhat amazing to experience inner shifts on autopilot, I’m glad things have slowed down and to be working with healers again. Sharing energy with healers is part of the gig, I’m realizing. Part of the magic of my journey.

I’m healing the world within me at another level, and with each and every healing not only am I changed, but have a greater understanding of issues that affect so many people. With each and every release I receive information about what was just released. It usually begins as a phrase and as I think about the phrase more information comes. After a few days my awareness broadens and there’s a new clarity about life.

Because these “heart blocks” are being dissolved, there is much more compassion and empathy flowing through as well. And it’s my fervent desire to help people to heal.

Lately, other than sharing my experiences through writing, I’m not sure what the future holds. I’d like to have a healing practice of some sort one day, but still being very much in process it’s not an option yet. So for now, writing it is!

Posted in Holistic Healing, Kundalini, Spirituality, The Voyage | Tagged , , | 2 Comments


I had no idea how heavy the weight of shame was until it was lifted off me.

I had no idea I’d been walking an inauthentic life until inauthenticity took a hike.

I had no idea how heavy judgment was until it purged from my body.

I couldn’t see so many things I lived with until they left.

Healing has brought lightness and clarity.

Casting light into shadows, reaching my inner world, releasing that which no longer serves.

It’s being an Incredible Journey. And I’m not even a dog.

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Autumn has always been my favorite season, with the heat of summer gone and plants going to seed, leaves turning and days shortening. Growing up in the Northeast, summers were humid and anything much above eighty-three degrees was too uncomfortable. Fall weather meant clear blue skies and cool dry air.

I always love the smell of decaying leaves on a walk and views returning as trees and bushes once again ready for winter. Here in the Pacific Northwest summers aren’t nearly so humid, but rain tends to take a hiatus, drying things out a bit. Autumn signals the return of rain and drizzle while blue skies and sun breaks become treasured once again.

I miss gentle sloping hillsides peppered with boldly colored maple trees, as many of the native maples where I live now are a different variety that instead of becoming bright red and orange, fade from green to mustard. And our alders drop their leaves still green. Weird.

Still chronically tired from the spiritual process I’ve been going through for the past few years, I haven’t made it up to the mountains to capture fall foliage, but that’s never stopped me from snapping a photo of fall color. Here are a few shots I grabbed in a recent window of good weather.

bright red fall foliage
statue of a salmon

And because I haven’t made it over yet, a throwback to a few years ago during a visit to a favorite local pumpkin patch.

It wouldn’t be fall without apples. Both a neighbor and some family who have small orchards gifted us with a variety of apples recently. Our own lone apple tree isn’t well tended these days and we’ve been leaving the fruit to the creatures who frequent our yard. Because I found myself with more apples than we could eat or store, the extras turned into applesauce recently. But not just any applesauce. Ever since I first made applesauce from scratch, making plain, cinnamon sugar, and lavender, hands down my favorite became lavender. And that’s all I’ve made for years.

Lavender applesauce.

If you’re interested in making lavender applesauce, for this 3.5 qt. batch I simmered a few tablespoons of dried culinary lavender buds (in my big tea ball – or I sometimes put them in cheese cloth) with the apples while they were cooking. And I added a little sugar because the apples were pretty tart. The first few times I made lavender applesauce I put the buds in loose with the apples and milled the entire batch. And it was a lot of work. A quick note: English lavender is preferred over French lavender for cooking.

During the winter if I get a hankering for lavender applesauce I’m not above buying a big jar of plain applesauce and simmering it for about twenty minutes with a tea ball filled with lavender buds. Once it’s cooled down I pop it in the fridge.

And finally, here are a few of our regular visitors. Because we don’t have a dog to patrol the yard, we see deer and rabbits regularly. It’s fun seeing the fawns, now without their spots, as they sometimes leap and prance around the yard unencumbered by the thick brush in our woods.

The two on the right are fawns.

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Nine Eleven

Today is a marker for a day of collective trauma here in the U.S. The 20th anniversary of 9/11. You don’t even have to say more than the date. We all know what happened. Terrorists attacked our country. And in response America went to war. It’s a story as old as time.

Sitting twenty years out from one of biggest collective traumas I’ve lived through, while I’m not feeling like myself today, seeing things from all sorts of perspectives, it feels both weird that we would commemorate pain and want to reexperience it every year and totally normal because this is what we do.

Yet it’s not only commemorating pain, but remembering and honoring everyone who died that day. It’s being proud of everyone who came together in a moment of crisis to help one another. And doing what we can so it doesn’t happen again.

“Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.” – George Santayana

Looking at trauma in general, it’s not only something that royally sucks when it happens and stays with us for life, but it’s also our soul’s way of presenting opportunities to evolve.

Usually people respond to trauma by wanting revenge. They want the offenders to feel the pain they feel and do something to make it better. They want an apology and reparations. That’s human nature in a nutshell.

When a life has been lost, we want someone to pay with their life – even though it won’t bring back the dead. And many lives were lost on 9/11/01.

So why would our soul want our human selves to experience pain and loss? To break us apart to see how we deal with it. To give us opportunities to rise above. To give us opportunities to stop cycles of pain and revenge through healing.

Some people are taken down by trauma or use it as a launching point to create something great.

A few of the things I’ve learned about 9/11 as a group consciousness event, is all the souls that died that day had soul agreements to do so for the collective good. They knew that our group consciousness needed a big shake up and wake up to see how everyone would respond (much like our current pandemic). And everyone who died that day fully crossed over. They are not stuck in limbo. And the same goes for people who’ve either crossed themselves over in response to aftereffects of the attack, or who’ve died from cancer. They are all safe and sound on the other side.

Also, I’ve learned that people who were miraculously saved were not supposed to die that day. You can’t die unless there’s agreement with your soul and Source. Even for those souls saved it was an opportunity for growth – to hopefully not fall victim to survivor’s guilt, but to have renewed appreciation for life.

Some say time heals all wounds, and as much as the passage of time helps, in and of itself, it doesn’t heal them. But doing healing work does.

As someone who’s been actively involved in healing work for a decade, the anniversary of a traumatic event provides a marker in time to show us how much we’ve grown and healed. Noticing what’s changed from year to year, and especially paying attentions to how our feelings evolve shows us how we’ve grown.

When you think back to that day does it bring up fear of terrorism and hatred toward the Middle East, or have these feelings abated? Have you ever put yourself in the shoes of the terrorists who died for what they believed? Do you get all pissed off at all the restrictions Homeland Security has put on our country since it’s creation? Or do they make you feel safer?

In my case, ten years after the attack I was newly spiritually awakened, seeing life through very different eyes. And these days, as much as I’m still walking my way through a challenging Kundalini awakening, ascending a bit faster than has been comfortable, I tend to focus on things that open my heart and help me feel more relaxed.

Thinking back to the morning of 9/11/2001, I was exactly one week away from my delayed honeymoon trip, and was home from my part-time ferry job here in the Pacific Northwest. I don’t remember if someone let us know to turn on the tv or if I happened to turn it on, but by the time we tuned in, reporters had cameras showing a plane that had crashed into one of the World Trade Center buildings.

As horrifying as it was to realize someone had purposely flown a commercial airliner into a skyscraper in the middle of downtown New York City, it was even more horrifying when a second airliner flew into the other tower.

Sitting glued to the tv, we watched and listened as reporters scurried to cover the story. Visions of people covered with ash leaving the scene and others helping them filled the screen. Hearing about victims and heroes as events unfolded, we couldn’t take our eyes off what was going on. Cameramen filmed people jumping out of the buildings and store owners giving water and food to those in need. Firefighters and ambulances came on scene evacuating and helping people as fast as they could. Hospitals in the area readied themselves for mass casualties.

And then the towers collapsed. Shock waves again. Hospitals never received the mass casualties.

And then news of a third plane crashing into the Pentagon and a fourth plane whose passengers never allowed it to reach its intended destination of the Capitol Building, as it crashed in a field in Pennsylvania.

All air traffic in the U.S. was grounded and our democracy was under attack. As a nation we were taken to our knees by a handful of men. No nuclear weapons. No huge army marching on us from another country. A handful of men who planned and executed this specific traumatic event.

Twenty years have gone by and life has moved on. Kids back then are now adults and for people like my son, 9/11 isn’t something he even lived through. It’s now a story we tell and re-tell.

And for me personally, it marks not only tragedy but memories of my honeymoon trip soon thereafter. My new husband and I decided to have our honeymoon three months after our wedding so he could take time off work for both celebrations. But because of the terrorist attack, we were scared to fly across country.

After talking it over, we decided to keep our reservations and flew to Florida where we spent a few weeks visiting a friend on the coast, taking in Disney World and Universal Studios in Orlando, and driving down to Key West where I’d worked a dozen years prior. Orlando was deserted and hotels were begging us to stay there. The were no lines for rides at the amusement parks, as they were pretty deserted too. It was a bit surreal.

I was lucky. 9/11 didn’t take anyone I knew personally. Yet it has a collective vibration that carries both pain and hope. Tragedy and redemption. Trauma and healing. It was an event that was not only shocking, but brought us together as a country like nothing I’ve experienced before or since.

And these days we could use a bit of unification.

Today, I hope we’re all able to take a moment to sit quietly, focus inwards toward our hearts and feel gratitude to simply be alive.

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Knots in my psyche are being untied.

Yarn unraveling

Collected into a ball by angels

Who take it back to Source.

The grand recycler of the Universe.

Where it will be knitted into an arm,

A breeze, or a toddler’s tantrum.

Or may be used to close a hole

In my heart.

It’s all energy.

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