Working with an Energy Therapist has been an amazing experience. And for the most part, it is very positive. However, when a lot of negative energies leave quickly, I can be drained and left exhausted. For the past 2 days I have been struggling with being very tired. I was able to catch a nap yesterday. That helped.
But, today, it’s like a deep darkness has set in. It was no doubt exacerbated by my son’s intense struggle this morning when it was time to go to school. He had one of the most difficult mornings that he’s had in a very long time. I was, finally, able to take him to school; and I spent about 1/2 hr. volunteering, so I could be near him for a while. I left as he was going to lunch. He was better by then- not fabulous, but better.
Needing to run a few errands, I dragged myself from store to store. I was near tears at times, and at other times, wanting my heart to just physically break apart and stop the pain. When I get like that, I even fantasize about plunging a knife deep into my heart so it will stop; so it will all stop.
Driving along, seeing the most beautiful scenes of snow adorned fir trees and clear blue skies (that we so seldom see here in the winter) usually makes me jones for my good camera and a place to stop and snap some photos.
But during the dark times, it’s all I can do to get home and sink into the sofa or recliner. Housework doesn’t happen. Showers don’t happen. Meals are produced because the kid has to eat. The to-do list is put on hold. It’s all I can do to get up, get the kid off to school with a meal in his tummy, and then collapse in exhaustion.
I know this will pass; and likely by tomorrow. A nap would be a good idea. But with the host of negativity that is leaving me, including self-sabotage- and you can bet there is plenty of that around- things that are good for me right now, like a nap, may or may not happen.
I can see how people who suffer from chemical depression can be in so much pain that they end it. Thankfully, for me, those brief fantasies are passing thoughts that will never be acted on. Time to go get a quick nap… maybe.