Becoming A Parent Should Come With Warning Labels

Before anyone becomes a parent, they need to know the possible side effects of having a child.

Warning: having a child may drive you to the brink of insanity.

Warning: having a child might cause extreme weight gain.

Warning: having a child may cause premature gray hair, intestinal upset, migraines, extreme wallet depletion, and the necessity of drugs like Prozac that causes even more side effects.

And this is especially true if you are empathic and have a child with anxiety.


Looking back at the past school year brings back shivers and chills worse than reading a Steven King book.

The long and short of it is Little Man missed 34 days of school last year because of a combination of being sick, and having anxiety and panic attacks. When he was sick (the usual stuff of getting a bad cold or having a tummy bug) and recovered to where most kids would have been well enough to go back to school, anxiety would kick in, followed by panic attacks. If it was a Monday (or the anticipation of it being Monday), anxiety and panic attacks happened more often that not. Or there could be something going on at school that would have Little Man all amped up and panicking.

And every time his anxiety ramped into panic and a panic attack, it rung my bell like nothing else. It got to me in a place so deep it drove me nuts. I tried to stay detached so I could be the calm, strong mommy, but I became the crazy mommy who totally lost her shit on too many occasions. Not judging. Just saying that I don’t like spinning out and losing my shit because it would fragment and unground me like a hangover for the rest of the day (when it came to my kid and anxiety).

The last time he had almost this bad a school year was in third grade, and his teacher had less than zero empathy for this sensitive kid. He didn’t miss as much school that year, but it was an almost daily battle to get him to school.

Kiddo couldn't handle going to school and wrote this note near the end of third grade.

Kiddo couldn’t handle going to school and wrote this note near the end of third grade.

The year after that third grade year, Little Man was diagnosed with ADHD, learning disabilities, and anxiety. With the formal acknowledgment of anxiety, I did what any diligent parent would do and, after a 5-6 week wait, finally got Little Man in with a highly recommended psychologist. When we met with the woman, she seemed very nice and friendly. Little Man was observably not comfortable in her office, and I was hoping she’d start by having him play with the toys she had, and let him get used to the whole scenario: her and her room. Remember, this is a kid who is slow to warm up to new people and things, and who was there because of anxiety.

Ten minutes into being there, the psychologist apparently forgot all her training and started right in, asking him about his worries, and about what happens when he starts to worry. Well, folks, right then and there she got a front row seat to Little Man’s anxiety. The worries marched right back in and took over my kid’s brain. Panic set in and Little Man had to leave. That was the end of that session or any hope of further sessions with her.

That all happened in the middle of fifth grade. After that, Little Man wouldn’t agree to see anyone for the rest of the year. Fortunately, he had a pretty good year with his fifth grade teacher. Since the anxiety monster really didn’t show up much, I thought it was becoming a non-issue.

But then sixth grade came last fall, and within the first two weeks of school, Little Man got sick, finally felt better, came down with another thing that brought on vomiting, recovered from that, and then had a few days of severe anxiety and panic attacks. He missed a week of school. That set the tone for the entire year.

I got in touch with very highly recommended psychologist, by a person who knows Little Man well, but his wait time was long. We waited about 4 months and finally got in. Things went a little better there. But Little Man only lasted about 3 visits before he melted down and couldn’t go. That was the end of that.

Near the very end of the school year, I was having a particularly tough day with the kid, and I spent a little time talking with the school counselor. After about 15 minutes of listening to me talk about my recent struggles, and her spending zero time with Little Man ever, she decided that the best course of action would be to get that kid on anti-anxiety medication, pronto. I explained that if I did that, it would only happen under the guidance of a pediatric psychiatrist (apparently, she wasn’t thinking about the fact that these are psych drugs, and mental health counselors and psychologists can’t prescribe – and pediatricians have very limited training in psychiatry). And the closest one is in the next county and has a six month wait time to be seen (yes, I looked into it a while back for ADHD meds). So, the advice dispensed (with great urgency) was to call the doctor and get on the waiting list as soon as possible. After all, if I didn’t address this thing, it would only get worse and worse, and end up crippling my son. Maybe.

Maybe not. Treating a 12-year-old with psych drugs and all their non-specificities and side effects, for anxiety that is highly situational; and that situation revolves around the chemistry between having to be in school with certain teachers, is not the best course of action in my mind. See for yourself. Spend five minutes researching drug treatment for anxiety in teens or children.

from Google Images

Having a bipolar mother, I’ve seen that some drugs can help mood issues at times, and there are also times that no drug will help. When it comes to our brains and “diseases” of imbalance of moods and emotions, the field of psychopharmacology (psych drugs) is still in its infancy. It’s a guessing game to see what happens to this individual when these chemicals are introduced into this particular brain. They’re getting better at guessing, but because they don’t know the cause of these dis-eases, they can’t address it directly. It’s not like seeing a particular bacteria or virus that has taken over the body or a part of the body. Psychiatry deals with unseen and unknown causes.

Sure, they sometimes do brain scans and try to evaluate electrical activity and such. But they still have absolutely NO idea about the causes of why someone experiences anxiety to the point of having panic attacks, while someone else in the very same situation doesn’t.

And just to add a quick sidebar, doctors can’t explain why several people can be exposed to the same germs or virus and not 100% of the people will get sick. Here’s one explanation that I find very fascinating, that speaks to this at several levels.

So, what’s a mom to do when her son is having the worst year of his young life, thus causing her to have the worst year of her son’s young life? Well, for anyone who has never read this blog, you might think I jumped right on the phone and put my son on a psychiatrist’s wait list and then spent the rest of the summer sitting, wringing my hands about it. But for those of you who know me at all, you probably guessed correctly, that I looked for the bigger picture of what’s really going on.

Fortune teller from Google Images.

No, this isn’t what it really looks like when I go for an intuitive reading.

Several weeks before this past school year ended, I went to a local holistic fair and had a psychic reading from a trusted and extremely gifted local intuitive (psychic). I had her look intuitively at Little Man and his teacher to see what was going on energetically. She saw several things. First off: their two souls made an agreement to come together during this lifetime for Little Man to have this experience in effort to help him learn to discern the difference between feeling his own energy and emotions, and feeling (picking up on) other people’s energy and emotions.

You see, he’d been picking up all of his teacher’s emotional baggage, and she has a butt-ton of it. She hides it pretty well, but not from Little Man. Among other regular stressors in her life, she has a deep-seated need for perfection.

More intuitive information I got about the teacher is that she carries a lot of masculine energy in the form of “it’s my way or the highway” type of persona. She hid this in every interaction I had with her up until the very last week of school, when I got a taste of it. I picked up on a lot of very subtle passive aggressive behavior.

When it came to motivating her more difficult to motivate students, she always did the same thing: dangle a carrot and hold it over the kid. When they couldn’t perform, she’d either lay on the threats or try to lay on the hurt in some way. For kids that this type of motivation doesn’t work, their lives spiral downwards quickly. As they crumble and fail (literally, getting several F’s), she never waivers or changes her tactics. After all, in her mind, she’s not the problem and holds no ownership that she could possibly be doing anything but the most correct thing.

Between absorbing a ton of emotional crap that wasn’t his, and having to deal with the way this teacher handled her more challenging students, Little Man’s body and brain reacted by becoming anxious. And when he was forced into spending the entire school day with this woman, day after day, it quickly became intolerable, and anxiety morphed into panic attacks.

Once I explained to Little Man the dynamics of the bigger picture, it helped a little. I worked with him to help him begin to discern when he was feeling something uncomfortable, whether it was truly his stuff, or someone else’s. This isn’t easy, as I’m still working on it myself (but I don’t feel as much from others as my son does). We also worked on cleaning up his energy field, and shoring it up, so he doesn’t walk around like an emotional sponge, taking on and keeping everyone else’s emotional woes. But it’s one thing to do this at home, and quite another when you’re thrown into the fire.

Things got a little bit better until the last 7 days of school, when Little Man got sick and missed all but the very last day. Part of it was, indeed, anxiety. But he was very sick for a good 4 days. Another intuitive friend told me that was all about the teacher’s own anxiety that piled up at the end of the year.

What I couldn’t understand was why the teacher seemed to be so upset and bothered when the kid missed days that were non-academic. Only ONE of the days he missed included any work that affected grades. ONE! (He missed going to a water park, cleaning up the classroom, practicing filing in and out of the gym for an awards assembly, a moving-up celebration party and swim). And the way his teacher acted, you’d have thought he missed a week of state testing that couldn’t be made up.

I finally understood that it had to do with her not being able to control this boy. To MAKE him come to school. Even dangling the carrot of a big award at the end of the year didn’t make this kid show up for school. And 24 hours later, when he couldn’t man-up and get his butt to school, the mysterious big award suddenly had to be given to another student (told to me with a heavy sigh and an “oh well” attitude).

Looking back, I can see more crap, having to do with Little Man’s IEP and not having his work assignments modified much at all; which they are supposed to be, if the work load is too much for him to keep up. He was behind in his work for about 90% of the year, which was a huge anxiety trigger for him. I brought this up, and although some grading was modified, almost no assignments were. The attitude I got was if the bar was raised up high, the kid would rise to the occasion. But that platitude doesn’t always work with my son. In fact, if he feels the bar is raised too high with no support underneath, he becomes immediately defeated. He feels the difference between a teacher who raises the bar high and demands that her students jump for it, and one who supports them so they can fly up to it.

I now understand that his teacher doesn’t believe anxiety is real. Any sort of mental issues of instability equals some sort of internal or moral weakness. She thinks a person can buck up and will their way through a panic attack. I seriously wonder what ball of shit she endured as a child to bring on the extreme amount of crap she sill carries around.

Back to the bigger picture. I see the scenario was set up for some big time learning for both me and for Little Man. And as I’ve learned, the more the pain, the more motivation to get the lesson quicker. So this past school year was a biggie.

With it behind us, and with this next year putting Little Man into our local middle school with a different set up (switching classrooms for each subject, a different teacher for each subject, and being with kids from all the elementary schools), we are both looking forward to new and different being all good.

Will there be challenges? For sure. Will it be the hell beyond all hells? Hell no! As with every school year before this, I am cautiously optimistic that it will be a good year.

Posted in Holistic Healing, Mental Illness, Sensory Processing Disorder, Spirituality | Tagged , , , , , , | 22 Comments

Our Vacation Getaway!

A few weeks ago we had the pleasure of traveling east to visit family. Well, the beginning of the trip wasn’t so pleasurable; getting to the airport to find out that our first flight was delayed 2 1/2 hours, causing us to miss our connection to Maine. The problem was the next available connection was at 7:00 am the next morning. We flew to New York, sat in the airport for 7 hours, and flew into Portland, Maine, bright and early the next morning.

With the snafu, we didn’t need a hotel upon arrival to Maine (as we would have been arriving just after all the car rental places closed). And with picking up our car a few hours early, the rental place gave us the grace of using the original, later “out” time for our rental.

Finally we made it from the Pacific Northwest to the beautiful coast of Maine!

Back in the 1940’s my grandparents rented the cottage for their vacation. At some point, they were given the opportunity to buy it, and it’s been in the family ever since. Growing up, I spent part of my summer vacations staying in the cottage, rowing small boats, and learning how to sail. Years later in my early 20’s, I took a leap of faith and started working on local boats, living in the cottage for seven summer seasons. (With seasonal water and no insulation, it’s not a year round house.)

Being situated right on the ocean, lots of our summer activities center around the shore, the water, and boats.

The day after we arrived, it was the Fourth of July! We popped into the harbor to see what sort of fireworks were going on. We walked down to the waterfront and caught the end of the display, looking through the shrouds of several docked sailboats.

The nearest harbor is a working harbor, with several lobster fishermen and other commercial fishermen plying the waters for their bounty. Tourism is heavily depended upon for a large portion of the town’s annual income, coming from restaurants, gift shops, motels, and tourist boating. And you can bet that when we visit, we take in the restaurants and gift shops. My favorite shop is The Silver Lining, a small jewelry store with an in-house silver smith and a great selection of jewelry.

the harborOne of the more popular tourist destinations, about an hour from our place, is Pemaquid. Pemaquid Lighthouse and Pemaquid Beach are two of my favorite places where I was taken as a child, and now I get to share them with my child. I never get tired of them. A fun fact: this is the lighthouse that’s on the Maine state quarter.

Most of the time we were in Maine, the weather was great. There were a few foggy days that created great mood for picture-taking, and a passing rain shower or two. Changeable weather is one of the things I miss about New England.

I got to visit friends, spend time with some family, and enjoy several days by the salt air. Heaven!

This year we decided to visit both my family and my husband’s family all in the same ambitious trip. And to make things even more interesting, we flew round trip in and out of one airport, and drove between our destinations of Maine and Tennessee.

On our way south, we stayed overnight in Hershey, PA. It had been almost 2 decades since hubby and I last visited Hershey and took in Chocolate World. With Hershey being a whistle-stop, we arrived there at dinner time, grabbed a meal and visited Chocolate World for a few hours. For those who don’t know, this is just part of the larger Hershey Park. It’s not the part of the park with rides, but basically a huge candy gift shop with a short tour showing you how they make chocolate. What fun it was to see massive displays of pounds and tons of candy and chocolate. We opted to leave behind the $15.00 Hershey flip-flops, but left with bags of candy gifts and a new sweatshirt for Little Man. The only chocolate I had was chocolate flavored lip balm.

After our overnight in Hershey, we drove on down the highway to northeast Tennessee, where my hubby grew up and his family still resides. His sister’s home is more than warm and welcoming, and is our favorite destination. She has a swimming pool that Little Man can never get enough of. The only thing that kept him out of it was mealtime and lightning. As always, it was great to visit with family face to face, and to see old friends again.

One of the natural features of this part of the country is caverns. There are several around Virginia and Tennessee. To date, we’ve visited three, this time checking out Appalachian Caverns, near Bristol. It was a smaller cavern with a stream running through the bottom because of all the recent rain. It didn’t have as many remarkable features as other caverns we’ve seen, but it’s always nice to visit some place cool when it’s almost 90 degrees out.

Being at Hubby’s sister’s house, we were treated to nightly visitors outside: a mother raccoon and her 3 youngsters. They got a treat and know where to get more.


With a fair bit of rain, the pond in the back yard of Little Man’s grandmother was full up. It’s stocked with bass, blue gills and some catfish, and from time to time, is home to a snapping turtle or two.

backyard pond

One of the more unusual sights was a nearby lake that was drained in order to mitigate erosion that is threatening one of the TVA dams. It was odd to see waterfront property and a lake front park that now sits by a small stream, with boat launches 15 feet or more above the water’s surface. Lake front property owners are truly screwed not happy.

After spending far too short a time in Tennessee, we headed north again.

After a 2 days drive, we returned to Maine to catch our flight home. Fortunately, the flights home were uneventful. It was great to get back east, to catch up with friends and family, and to see a bit of our beautiful country. And it’s good to be back home.

Bold sunset through the trees.

Bold sunset through the trees.

Posted in Photography, The Voyage | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 12 Comments

What Am I Here For?

A while back, I read a fantastic post on The Sisterwives, Getting You Back to You. At the end of the piece, a question is posed:

“The most chilled-out people I’ve met in life …. exist in a micro-climate of ‘becoming’. They know their ‘point’.

Whatever else shifts and alters in their life, whatever challenges or triumphs they encounter, whatever setbacks, boosts, plateaus or changes of direction, they’ve figured out how to get back to the Them they are deep down.

They can speak up and answer “This – THIS – is what I’m here for.”

So, then…what are you here for?”

I actually know what I’m here for. And the funny thing is, when I was growing up, I never wondered about the meaning of life or why I was here.

But let me state right here and now that just because I know what I’m here for, doesn’t mean every day is a party or a ton of blissful fun, skittles and rainbows. It does, however, help me to get through life’s bigger road bumps, and navigate life’s tsunamis with a little more grace than I used to. With my newer perspective on my life, it helps me stay centered when people are whirling and twirling around me in their personal tornadoes of crap.

I am here for one main reason: to have an experience called life, no matter what that looks like. I believe that there is this one main force, energy, unnamable thing that is the big creator of all of us. I call it God. It’s not a human, so I don’t humanize God. I believe God is endlessly creative, and because of that, desires growth and expansion. After all, isn’t that what creativity is all about? Making something new or coming up with something no one else has come up with?

Well, I also believe that this creator energy is pure unconditional love. Actually, I know that to be so, because I’ve experienced it more than a few times, and it just blows me away. Don’t confuse this with romantic or conditional love. Not the same thing. In fact, the message I got is that as long as we are in these human bodies, these meat suits, we can’t fully appreciate this energy. But the closest word we have for it is love, so that’s what I’m going with.

Still with me? So, there’s this big creator who is endlessly wanting to grow and expand. And this happens by having experiences. It does this by allowing pieces of it to separate from it (or, at least think they are separate) and go have a variety of experiences. My soul happened to want to have experiences a variety of ways. It’s tried out a few different vehicles or costumes, including a really big lizard type creature. I think it was a monitor lizard. I’m sure there were other animals, plants, minerals, and probably other non-human beings. But the last several experiences have been in human bodies.

I’ve been male and female, every color under the rainbow, rich and poor, in positions of power and been a slave. I’ve had lives that were short, and ones that lasted a long time. I’ve been a perpetrator, a victim, and a victor.

I’ve also learned that my soul in particular is a real bad-ass. I tend to want to learn everything and do it quickly. The quickest way to create a big potential to learn is to bring forth a painful situation. Pain moves us to create change. Think about it: if you are sitting and your leg cramps up, do you just sit there? Hell no! You move. You do something to create a shift; to make the pain go away.

So, in this life I decided to create some painful set-ups that would give some huge potential to change and grow. I could have chosen to do this playing the part of a perpetrator; perhaps an addict who is abusive, or someone with a personality disorder or mental illness who acts out on everyone around them. The potential to change and grow is always there. Sometimes a lifetime in this role allows that person to have an experience of rising above. But often they are there to give someone else a gift. They are there to bring pain to someone, who will think of themselves as a victim. In this way, the victim has the opportunity to experience pain and find ways to deal with it, to live with it, to heal from it.

God doesn’t judge, so if a person considers themselves a victim to the day they die, that’s one experience. If that person rises up and finds a way to feel better about themselves, that’s another experience. That same person might even find a way to feel really good about themselves and reach out to help others in similar situations rise up and disengage from victimhood.

Every experience is equally valid because someone learns something along the way.

Another thing I believe about this creator being is that being love and feeling joy, happiness and peace is our birthright. And the easiest way to get there is to shut off the monkey brain and let the heart make the big decisions in life.

When you listen to your intuition, that is the direct pipeline to the big Kahuna, the Creator, God. That’s where you get the best advice and loving words of wisdom. So, when you hear it whispering, heed it. That’s what I’m here for.

Posted in Holistic Healing, Spirituality, The Voyage | Tagged , , , , | 19 Comments

Oops! I Did It Again: A Healing Story Pt.2

In Part 1 of this post, I talked about the fact that we have the capability to heal ourselves. Check it out. After wanting to address severe chronic gastroesophageal reflux disease that I’ve been living with for about 7 years, and taking daily meds for, I finally had a hypnotherapy session about it with my wonderful soul directed hypnotherapist.

After going through the induction phase of the hypnotherapy session to get my monkey-brain quieted down, I was relaxed and focused. As we began, I was directed to picture a ball of light over my head; energetic light that was intelligent and healing. The light shined down onto me, bathing me with the energies.

Next, I was directed to ask a guide to come forward to assist me on my journey. This time one of my healing guides, John The Baptist, stepped forth. His attitude was “let’s get this show on the road! Let’s kick some butt! Let’s go do this thing!” John and I were directed to go to the part of the body that we needed to go to. It wasn’t specified how to get there, so it took a few minutes to figure out whether we were going to walk there or to get in some sort of vehicle. Finally I decided we’d hop into a space shuttle type of flying craft. When it came time to go, I couldn’t seem to make us leave. The more I tried, the more we just didn’t go. I tried asking myself a few questions to help get the ball rolling, but I soon realized that resistance had come up. So, I said that for some reason, I was resisting this process.

I was directed to look at the resistance to see if I could figure out what it was about. Then I saw a young, little me who was afraid. She said that if she was ok then no one would rescue her, and she felt that she needed to be rescued. As she was letting her feelings out, she stepped out from what felt like a cave of darkness, but it also felt like a dark closet. All I know for sure is that she had been trapped in darkness. As soon as she was out of the dark, she felt like the sun was shining on her and she opened out her arms to soak up the warmth and light.

Once that happened, several other little ones opened their closet doors and one by one came out of their darkness into the light. All they needed was to be allowed to come out of the darkness, back into the light; having that permission, they began to come out. More and more of them started coming out. Then more “knowing” popped into my mind: when I was very little and my mentally ill mother would verbally assault me, a tiny piece of me would go into darkness. It would go into a dark closet and shut the door.

The scene shifted and I saw a knife that would plunge into my chest at these times of assault, filling my stomach with knife wounds. As this healing was happening, the little bits of me were coming out of darkness (out of their closets) and into the light again.

Then I saw each one of them go to their wound in my stomach – the wound they correlated to – and kneel down, putting their hands on it. Sending healing energy of love, they each healed their wound. I saw the inside of my stomach with all these little bits of me on hands and knees, healing with their hands, sending love.

As more and more of these little ones came out of their dark spaces, I encouraged them, calling for every one of them to come out and rejoin me. I didn’t want even one to be left behind. As that process was well under way, I started to progress in age. Pretty soon I was looking more like a grown up, in my early twenties. I encouraged all of the bits of me that had been in the dark to come out, and they did, and they healed their wounds in my stomach as well. Then I knew that it was a rolling, moving, evolving healing where I aged, and the pieces of me that were split off in darkness rejoined the light and came back to me, healing my stomach in the process. After a while I reached my current age of 50.

Then I called out (like at the end of a game of hide and seek when you want to collect everyone back) olly olly oxen free! Everyone come back – especially you little ones. Everyone out of the dark! I got the message that this healing of my stomach is a process, but it won’t take very long.

Then the party music came in and I saw my stomach as vibrant and happy. I heard conga music and my stomach was pulsing with the music; as close to dancing as it could get. It felt very strong and confident, with the knowledge that it was functioning as it was supposed to be with everything just fine. All systems and processes were perfect again. The happiness it felt was not giddy, bubbly, silly, but rather a calm, confident and very strong one. Very grounded feeling.

I looked over at John the Baptist and he was beaming at me, telling me I was awesome, had done great, that I’m amazing, and the like. I felt that yes, I’m amazing (as we all are). I then saw beams of light coming from the ball of light directly to my stomach, repatterning the energy of it, making sure it’s completely healed. That was the energy of God working on it.

Soon after that, I noticed that my chest area was very calm, serene and happy. Before that, I hadn’t really noticed very much, but it must have been tight, felt upset and definitely not ok. It was now exceedingly ok and relaxed.

After this session, I had six days left of a two-week packet of medicine, so when it was gone I did not open a new pack. After missing one day’s meds, heartburn started to come back. It was then that I remembered that it can take a while for the energetic shift to be fully integrated into the body.

I decided to take a few more packets of meds and stop them when my life wasn’t a complete stress ball. During the first few weeks off meds, I experienced absolutely no discomfort or symptoms of heartburn or reflux. And I did not change my diet at all. Then, I did have some incidences of mild heartburn for a while, which I treated by drinking a cup of water with a teaspoon of apple cider vinegar with immediate relief. It’s been over two months since this healing session and my reflux has not returned. The heartburn seems to be occurring less and less and it feels like as my body continues to heal, the heartburn will soon become a thing of the past.

Nothing was done to get rid of reflux other than having this extraordinary healing session. No dietary change or weight loss. Nothing. After about seven years on daily acid blocking medication, I am healed of acid reflux!

Posted in Holistic Healing, Hypnosis, Spirituality | Tagged , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Oops! I Did It Again: A Healing Story Pt.1

I have been on a mission over the past few years of healing my body and other things. The latest mission I ventured on was looking at why GERD was in my life and how I might be able to usher it out.

For those who don’t suffer from constant heartburn and acid reflux, GERD stands for gastroesophageal reflux disease. It’s a chronic condition where basically, your stomach contents (acid and partially digested food) are allowed to come up out of your stomach (because of a weak sphincter) and into your esophagus. The worst experience I had was being woken up from a deep sleep because I couldn’t breathe and my sinuses were on fire from stomach acid. The medical community treats it with diet and medication, but has no earthly idea how to permanently cure GERD.

About five years ago, my doctor had me see a specialist because at that point, I’d been dealing with GERD for a few years, and she wanted to make sure I didn’t have any cells in my esophagus changing. That’s what can happen when esophageal cells are bathed in stomach acid regularly: they change, and can eventually change into cancer. It killed a cousin of mine.

After this specialist put a scope down my throat, into my stomach, and just barely into my small intestines, he declared that although my stomach lining looked a bit irritated, I was otherwise healthy: no bugs that cause ulcers, no celiac going on, and no angry-looking cells in my throat. He talked to me about taking a drug to decrease the production of stomach acid, and I mentioned that it is sold in packs with directions to be taken for two weeks and then stop taking it. I’d been using it off and on; and much more on than off. He then told me that I could take it daily for the rest of my life if needed.

That was all I needed to hear: lifetime sentence. No way was I going to take a drug for the rest of my life for something that doesn’t need to be here. I decided right then and there that I would take this drug as long as I needed it, but at some point I would no longer need it. That point has come. About seven weeks ago, I had a hypnotherapy session about why my body had GERD, and I healed it.

In my personal experience, healing is done in a short moment, but the body can take a bit longer to follow suit because of its physicality and density. The actual healing happened pretty quickly, during the session, but six days after, when I went off my medication, the body was still adjusting and after missing just one day’s pill, heartburn came back. I decided to take another few rounds of the medication to give my body more time to get with the new program, and this time when I stopped my meds, no symptoms returned at all. And I did not change my diet or do anything different other than have this healing session. No heartburn, no reflux, no discomfort in my stomach whatsoever.

If I can do this, anyone with determination can do this. Chronic diseases are with us for a reason, and it is very possible to find out what that is and to affect healing. I get so ticked off by the standard medical community because they are totally in bed with the pharmaceutical and insurance industries and those industries are not about healing the body and soul, they are about making money. Period. They don’t want you to know you can heal your body and eliminate or reduce dependency on drugs. And if the insurance industry acknowledged energy healing, they would want it quantified, regulated, and put into a box they could control and monetize. Double edged sword there.

I have learned enough about energy healing and consciousness technology to know that we human beings have amazing power that would blow most people away. I’ve read about how an autistic boy who eats nothing but potato chips, and who is very healthy, has the ability to affect the energy of each chip as he’s picking it up and eating it, so that chip contains the exact nutrition his body needs. Yes! People can do this sort of thing.

Dr. Masaru Emoto showed us that meditating on water affects it physically. I have done this and then using applied kinesiology (muscle testing) determined that water that had been meditated on with love, harmony, compassion, and other positive intentions tested much better for me than water that had been meditated on with intentions of hate, anger, fear, and the like. My concentrated intention physically changed the water.

You can take polluted, irradiated, chemically poisonous water, and through specific meditation, you can physically change it so it’s in harmonious alignment and resonance with your body and will not hurt you. This is the sort of stuff that people are now doing. Here’s Little Grandmother (Keisha Crowther) talking about using crystals to delete radiation leaking from Fukushima. She has actually tested this with radiation detecting equipment, using a beaker of radioactive water and putting a crystal into it. It works. Do not sell yourself short people!! (And you don’t have to use a crystal to do this sort of thing, but they are wonderful tools).

When I think about this on a bigger scale, I keep going back to why do we all not know that we can heal ourselves and we can do things like eradicate pollution of all sorts? There are energy technologies out there right now that can assist us in these things, and people who are doing these things. I’ve even participated in not only healing my body, but in healing water and land. So why is this not headline news? My guess is that the powers that be, the ones who control mass media and communication, don’t want the masses to know how empowered they are. If you know that meditating on a situation with love can heal it, it’s not sensational, it’s not dramatic, it doesn’t bring in the big bucks, and it empowers you. The 1% of the population who control 90% of the wealth don’t want for you to be empowered.

I know people who have tried to share this information with large companies and even the government, to no avail. People don’t want to open their minds to the possibilities. They don’t want to upset the apple cart. They don’t want to lose control. They don’t want to risk losing money or earning power. They don’t know how powerful they truly are.

Can you imagine having the power to get rid of radioactivity with nothing more than meditating on a crystal? Or even meditating with no crystal needed? Can you imagine contacting power plants who need this technology, only to be turned down? Can you imagine offering to help clean up horrific radioactive waste that is at this moment leaking into groundwater, rivers, and the ocean, only to be turned down because of small minds and the promise of millions of Superfund dollars? These are things I am witnessing today.

Do you know how powerful you are? Now that you know some of the things people around the planet are doing, you can’t un-know it. And these are people like you and me, not someone who has been locked away in a monastery meditating for 20 years (although I bet that helps). People with families and with jobs, and with problems, and with the most critical component that is needed: a heart. The biggest challenge is learning to connect with your heart and trust its wisdom. It’s the doorway to healing ourselves and our planet, literally.

Because I seemed to have gone off on a tangent to sharing my healing session, I’ll continue this post in a part 2, where you’ll discover just what had been causing my acid reflux, and how it was healed. Stay tuned!


Posted in Energy Therapy, Holistic Healing, Hypnosis, The Voyage | Tagged , , , , , | 1 Comment

What Is It About A Photograph?

I should have probably titled this post, what is it about a scene that screams out to me to snap a photo of it, to freeze it in time for posterity. But that was just a tad too long. Seriously. Sometimes I wonder what is it that makes me want to take a photo of something. For me, it’s often more than just, “oh, that’s pretty,” or “hmm, that’s interesting.” For me it’s often straight from my gut or from my heart.

I’ll see the perfection of nature of a single bloom.

peach orange rose

Or I’ll notice the way light and color play with clouds and reflect the color on the ocean. And if they are colors we don’t usually see, so much the better.

 pink sunset

For me, the urge to take a photograph can grab me when I least expect it, like as I’m leaving my house, taking my child to school. I walk out the door and, whammo! There are the most amazing rays of the sun, only visible because of some morning fog. I know that they won’t be there long, so I hustle the kid to school (thankfully, a 4 minute round trip), run back inside and grab my gear.

Suns Rays

Then there are the times when I’m out in nature, soaking up the sun and the air on a picture perfect day, something happens and I’m lucky enough to catch the action. Just recently, we were at a beach about an hour from home, and seagulls were feasting on clams at low tide. The gulls would peck in the sand until they struck gold, and fly off with their treasure, looking for a spot to dine. I’ve rarely seen a seagull flying off with a clam, but that day I froze the action.

seagull with clam

There are some things that happen so fast, we barely get to glimpse them. Stopping hummingbirds long enough to see their feathers always intrigues me. Some of their feathers are quite reflective and bright, lighting up their throat when the sun hits them just right. In this photo, you can see that those feathers look quite different from the others. (Click on the photo to see it larger).

roufus hummingbird

Some days, I love to get up close and personal with Mother Nature. The most mundane things can capture my attention. Especially drops of water.

fern water drops

So just what is it that springs forth from me, wanting to capture a moment in time? I’m not really sure, but there is something there that make me feel, “oh, wow!” or “ahhh” or “too cool!” or “too cute” and I want to hold onto that feeling just a bit longer. I’ll leave you with one of my favorite photos of one of my favorite subjects, my son, when he was little.

Little Man.

Little Man.

Do you have a passion for taking photos? Do tell!

As a reminder, these photos are my work, and as such are copyrighted to me. If you would like to use one, please feel free to contact me (email is in the About Me page).

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The Universe Is On My Side

A few weeks ago, I got in touch with a very gifted healer and asked him for healing for my son because of his anxiety around school. Things were getting pretty bad. The very next morning, Little Man had a whopper of a panic attack, but the day after that, energies shifted. Since then, the changes and synchronicities have been rolling in. For the whole back story, including how I almost murdered both his teacher and the school psychologist, check out Bring On The Shift.

It started with a clairvoyant reading with a local psychic at a holistic fair. The reading helped me see what’s been going on between Little Man and his teacher at the energetic level, that has been contributing to his enormous anxiety at school this past year.

At the end of this tremendously illuminating reading, my gal directed me to a nearby psychic vendor who sells discs that emit different types of energy. She told me to pick up a disc for Little Man to have with him in school in his pocket (the small ones fit comfortably in the palm of your hand). The psychic who created these discs intuited a few that would help Little Man while he’s in school. And he intuited one that would benefit me and my entire family, that stays in the house. How these work is, they have been programmed to emit a certain vibrational frequency that your body tries to match. That process is called attunement.

Have you ever dipped your finger into a crystal glass that has some water (or wine) in it, and then rubbed the rim until it rang out a note? If you sing the note to the crystal glass, it will start vibrating and ringing, even without touching the glass. Same thing. Except instead of the vibration being sound, it’s different forms of energy that affect the way we feel.

After bringing these energy discs home, I gave Little Man his discs and put the big one for the house at the center of our home. The next day, Little Man was lying in my bed with the big disk under the mattress. When I asked him how he liked it, he just grinned snuggled into the bed. It felt great and was working its magic.

I had a talk with Little Man about his teacher, her energy and the fact that he’s been absorbing it. I think just putting it into his consciousness that he’s been taking on her crap, at some level freed him up to be able to begin the process of discerning what’s his and what’s not. The next Monday, no panic attack. He went to school. Same thing Wednesday.

Wednesday evening, I had a session with a medical intuitive who was able to do some work on the energy between Little Man and his teacher. She can manipulate and change energies, and separated energies between the two. She also looked at their soul contracts, that they’d written to create this difficult dynamic in the first place, and changed and updated them so the dynamic between the two of them will no longer be so entwined and full of struggle. The next day, Little Man said he actually had a good day at school because he’d been able to make his teacher laugh. The rest of the week went well.

With the energy shift, I noticed synchronicities and great things popping into my life. For one, after I dropped Little Man at school Monday after the reading, I drove down to the middle school and scheduled a meeting with the gal who will be the counselor for his class next year. After walking out of the office, having made an appointment, I bumped into the counselor in the hallway. I told her that I’d be meeting her in a few days, and the next thing I knew we not only covered what I need to talk about with her, but the person who would be Little Man’s Special Ed. psychologist got in on the conversation as well. The two people I needed to connect with literally crossed paths with me, and it was a tremendously productive few minutes together.

Finally, I had Little Man’s IEP (Individualized Education Program) meeting, before school on Thursday. Every three years he is tested by a school psychologist, who runs him through a battery of tests to see if he qualifies for Special Education and an IEP. This meeting was to review her findings and to go over the new IEP that Little Man’s Special Ed. teacher wrote up. Before the meeting, I took a few minutes at home to get quiet, go inside myself and have spirit-to-spirit talks with everyone who would be at the meeting. I asked that the meeting stay focused on the positive; how amazing my son is, and how we can best support his weak areas.

At the beginning of the IEP, there is a section to express the student’s strengths and to voice any concerns. It had been filled out with a few strengths that Little Man’s teacher brought forth. When I was asked if there were any concerns or anything I wanted added (I could feel the expectation that I was going to add a laundry list of concerns), I said yes. One thing I wanted to add: that Little Man is extraordinarily creative. After that, I never sniffed the faintest whiff of worry or negativity. The goals that had been set on his education plan are very appropriate and reasonable. And the list of accommodations that were created for him is one I am very pleased with.

These days I recognize that healing energy can create all sorts of effects, including release of physical and emotional pain, the occurrence of synchronicities, and just noticing that things seem to be going better in life in general.

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My Favorite Season, Spring

I love the change of seasons, especially the onset of spring. Just when I’m tired of the endless long nights and dreary, dark, overcast, rainy days of winter, the days begin to get longer. After a while, the sun starts making appearances more often. Then one day I notice the sun shining at breakfast.

Suns Rays

Pretty soon green tips bursting forth from bulbs, pop up through the dirt, becoming crocuses, daffodils, and tulips. A rainbow of colorful life dots the valley once again. Yellow of forsythia brightens up the landscape, followed by the purple and white, fragrant lilacs. (Click on a photo to open up the gallery).

Spring rains and longer days bring back the ducks. Mallards love the puddles in the back yard.

Fiddleheads slowly unfurl their green fringed sails. Skunk cabbage dot the yard with their yellow blooms, as leaves reappear on trees. The deep green lawn starts to grow faster with the longer days. Pretty soon it’s time for the first mow.

The sunrise welcomes more and more birds, singing, squawking, and twittering. Before I know it, robins mine the yard for worms, and the hummingbirds are back, sipping nectar again.

And most recently, the rhododendrons have been blooming. We have several, so the treat lasts for a number of weeks.

The temperatures will warm as the days grow longer, the rains visiting less and less often, ushering in summer.

cows and sky

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Bring On The Shift!

A few posts ago, I was having a very difficult Mother’s Day. It had come at the end of a week when Little Man’s anxiety had caused him to miss some school. The week after Mother’s Day brought a few more days of high anxiety, and Little Man missed more school.

Because of crucial, time-sensitive testing that had to be completed with Little Man, I had to get him to school two weeks ago on Friday. As I picked up homework for Little Man, I told his Special Ed. teacher that I’d do whatever I had to do to get him to school for this testing. I promised I’d have him there, even if he was catatonic.

On my way out, Little Man’s teacher stuck her head into the hallway and made a comment about how she can deal with a sick husband, occasionally have to take him to the hospital, and she still manages to get to school to do her job. In that moment, I almost jumped down her throat. I told her that she doesn’t have a brain that basically betrays her. And, of course, after I left the school I became livid that she had the gall to compare herself, a grown adult with a “neurotypical” brain, to my son who is 12 and whose brain is absolutely NOT neurotypical. How the fuck dare she! She obviously thinks that anxiety and panic attacks are not real.

To put the cherry on top of the sundae, when I was leaving the classroom building, the school counselor, who really doesn’t know Little Man’s situation, but loves to stick her nose into people’s business, decided she knew what was best for my kid when I told her I was having a tough day dealing with his anxiety (and school). By the time she got done with me, she made sure I knew that if we didn’t get this child on medication, his anxiety would only get worse over time. So I’d better get on it as soon as possible. I told her about his horrible experience doing a medication trial for ADHD drugs, but she apparently knows more about my son than I do.

The next morning, Friday, Little Man had a grade A, first class panic attack. I told him over and over that he had to go to school, at least long enough to do testing, and I hated to force him, but it had to happen. The poor kid’s stomach was in knots, and by the time I pushed him to get dressed, to put shoes on, to get outside and into the car, he was a crying mess and thought he was going to pass out. (I secretly wished he’d pass out in the hallway outside of his classroom so his teacher would understand just how real anxiety can be). I dragged him out of the car and walked him to class, where he was barely able to function. Doing what I did to get him there went against every fiber of my being, and by the time I got back to my car I was a quivering mess of tears. It rocked me to my core. I got the call 3 1/2 hours later to pick him up. He’d made it through the testing.

Note Little Man wrote a few years back when his anxiety was at full tilt. He felt sick and really wanted to stay home.

Note Little Man wrote a few years back when his anxiety was at full tilt. He felt sick and really wanted to stay home.

A lot of times, I rely on energy healers because they address unseen causes for all sorts of ills (beautifully described by Caroline Myss on her DVD, The Energetics of Healing – search for clips on YouTube). I also call on psychics for advice because they can see the reality of what’s going on. They can see past the exterior situation, into the energies that are generating whatever is happening. Clairvoyance literally means clear seeing: seeing what’s really happening. (By the way, absolutely anyone can develop their clairvoyance with training).

The night before that terrible Friday morning, I had gotten in touch with a man who has an amazing natural ability to heal people. He can touch them, talk with them, or use his intention over a distance, to create physical, emotional, or spiritual healing. I asked this man if he would send Little Man a healing, which he did Thursday night while the boy slept. When Friday morning arrived and Little Man had the panic attack, I was a little bit surprised, but I also know that it can take a number of days to see change after receiving healing energy.

Something I noticed, looking back, is that things started to shift by Saturday. I firmly believe that the healing energy that was sent Thursday night started to kick in. Little Man was in great spirits because it was a weekend and he was going to play with a buddy. But for me things also started to shift in a good way. I went to a local holistic fair and had a very helpful reading from a trusted local psychic I know. When I asked her to look at the energetic dynamic between Little Man and his teacher, she saw right away what was going on. Having this knowledge changed everything.

Little Man is empathic. Everyone understands that having empathy for someone means you can imagine yourself in the other person’s shoes. Being an empath is literally feeling other people’s emotions (and sometimes their physical pain). Little Man picks up on everyone’s feelings around him. Because he’s young, he has not developed any filters. He often doesn’t know when he feels feelings if they are his or someone else’s; they often feel like they belong to him, especially in a crowded room that he’s been in for a while.

One of Little Man’s motivators is that because he can feel other people’s feelings, he wants everyone to be happy. With regards to his teacher, he wants to please her, wants her to be happy. She likes to dangle the reward carrot in front of her students to get them to perform. With Little Man, all he needs is praise and he’ll jump for the moon.

What I learned from the clairvoyant reading is that there is a soul contract between Little Man and his teacher. They have shared past lives together and in spirit, decided to come together as teacher and student to give them both opportunities for soul growth and expansion. One thing I now see quite clearly, is that the soul likes to set up situations that are uncomfortable and even painful, to get us to have opportunities to grow. In this case, it’s been the exacerbation of Little Man’s anxiety. I believe the lesson here is to help this kid learn about and learn how to manage his own personal energy.

The reading also let me know that his teacher has a bucket load of personal baggage that she carries around, including a deep need to be perfect that shows up in her work as a teacher, and as a spouse to a chronically ill husband. She’s not working on healing her load of crap because you can’t heal what you don’t even acknowledge. What happens is, when she’s not a “perfect” teacher (however she defines this) she gets all wound up and gets anxious and panicky inside. When she’s had to take her husband to the hospital (where he’s had to stay) and has been up half the night, she martyrs herself by coming in and teaching, when she should be with her husband. And with new and significantly more state testing this year, all of the teachers and administration have been unusually stressed out. Little Man picks up on it and doesn’t recognize the energy as coming from outside of him. When Little Man is home and thinks about going to school, what comes up for him is panic and anxiety.

In seeing the truth of what’s been going on, I immediately felt a shift in my world. Once I know what’s driving what I’m seeing, it gives me something to work with. So, what to do.

One thing the psychic told me was that Little Man is a natural healer. And that when his teacher starts getting wound up, Little Man can stealthfully shoot healing balls of white light out of the palms of his hands at his teacher, sort of like Iron Man. But instead of destroying stuff, he’s healing her. Doing things like this give Little Man power in the situation, and help his teacher, which actually helps him.

From Google Images

From Google Images

Since that weekend, Little Man has been getting better and better. He hasn’t missed any school, and even went to school a few days ago with a mild headache. Previously, it would have rolled into a full-blown panic attack. I stayed home, waiting for the call to pick him up that never came. He later told me his headache went away by lunchtime.

I’ve done a few more things to support Little Man and to help shift his energetic relationship with his teacher, that I’ll write about in a future post. I’ll also share some very positive shifts and synchronicities I experienced.

These days I recognize that healing energy can create all sorts of effects, including release of physical and emotional pain, the occurrence of synchronicities, and just noticing that things seem to be going better in life in general.

Posted in Holistic Healing, Sensory Processing Disorder, Spirituality, The Voyage | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 13 Comments

Being An Alchemist: Healing

Lately, I’ve come to think of healing work as alchemy. Turning the lead of old beliefs and old energies into the sparking gold of higher possibilities, wellness and internal peace. I’m discovering as I clean up the internal crud from my past, the tarnish is falling away, allowing my brilliance to emerge. The sparkly, shiny, being that I am at my core, is being allowed to show up more and more.

I’m back at work, doing a short series of (4) hypnotherapy sessions again. The wonderful hypnotherapist I’ve been using since 2013 calls her style of hypnosis, “soul directed” hypnotherapy. What I particularly love about her style is that she blends her years as a traditional therapist, with her spiritual training and hypnotherapy. For me, it’s a powerful process of alchemy.

A few weeks ago when I sat with her, I was concerned about a feeling that I was using food to avoid or to medicate. Knowing that I had indeed healed my lifelong food addiction about a year ago, this was confusing for me. Here was this uncomfortable feeling that would pop up. I couldn’t figure out what it was, where it was coming from, or what it was about. The only thing I knew was I was starting to use food again as my drug of choice to quiet this feeling.

As my hypnotherapist began the session, she took her time getting me good and relaxed. Because it had been about a year since we’d worked together, I was a little bit nervous, and my monkey mind chattered away. I finally told myself to chill out, shut the hell up, to relax, go with it and most importantly, to trust the process.

When she felt I was sufficiently relaxed and focused, I was told to see a ball of white light over my head, shining down on me. A ball of intelligent and healing light. I choose to see this as the energy that I know as God. Some people call it Source or other names. I was also told to see a guide come forth from this light; a guide that would help me through the process.

I was surprised to see the guide that came forth was completely gold and had the silhouette of a woman. In that moment, I knew she was an aspect of me. She was very loving, healing and is the part of me that is directly connected to Source, to God. Next, I was asked to bring up the uncomfortable feeling that had been bothering me.

It came up without too much coaxing, and with it came the thought “raging monster.” Raging monster!? What was that about? In another instant, I knew. It all came flooding in. I was very little, my mother was the raging monster, and I didn’t want to be here. I wanted to disappear. I didn’t want to exist. It was not safe, it was not ok to exist.

Once that came forth into my conscious mind, I had the instant perspective, looking at the scene, it was just that my mother who was sick, who was not able to cope with me. She was not able to deal with me. And once Little Me recognized that was going on, she started to feel ok about herself because she realized it was not about her. It was about my mom and her not being well. In that moment, Little Me got happy, bubbly, sparkly, shiny. She knew she was cute. She was this perfect little being that popped in from God. A beautiful little soul, and she knew it. God, she knew it. She had the mindset of: it’s ok mom, I understand now. You had a job to do, and your job was to basically be a raving bitch towards me. Job’s done. It’s over now. I’m moving on.

I also understand that your being a raving bitch was passed down to you through several generations. With guidance from an intuitive, a few years ago, I was able to see that karmic chain and facilitate it’s being healed. I stopped that bitch dead in its tracks. What’s awesome is when this was done, I saw the changes in my mother; both physical and emotional. She never verbally assaulted me for the rest of her life after that healing.

Next, I was direct to speak to Little Me. As I was asked questions, I noticed that Little Me was progressing in age. Pretty soon I appeared to me in my early 20’s and wearing a woman’s warrior outfit: Zena warrior princess came to mind. I saw myself carrying a shield and sword or spear, feeling very strong, solid, and self-confident.


Image from Google Images

Image from Google Images

Then I was brought up to present time, in my present body at my current age. I saw myself standing, and in place of my legs were two tree trunks that were really thick and solid. They went down into the ground very deep and connected with Mother Earth very strongly, and I felt so solid that nothing could knock me over. Everyone could have their tantrums around me; they could have their little tornadoes of shit around me. They could do whatever the hell they needed to do around me. Nothing was going to knock me down. Nothing was even going to make me flinch. I was really grounded, really solid, really confident. It felt awesome.

What was fascinating to me was realizing that the feelings of not being ok and not wanting to be here (in a physical body), were ones that had visited me several times of the past 4 months. I now knew what they were about, where they came from, and that they were instantly changed, transmuted, shifted. And it happened in a moment. That’s how alchemy works: in a flash of insight.

Finally, my hypnotherapist asked me about connecting to the guide, this divine healing, wisdom aspect of me, about how to do it again. The Golden Me walked over to me, touched her forehead to my forehead, and we looked deeply into each other’s eyes. She said, “Just remember, when you want to connect, just look deep into my eyes, because the eyes are the window to the soul. Remember that and trust it. Remember, trust, and just connect.” She said look deep in my eyes and remember she is always there, is a part of me; always was and always will be. And it’s that part that is directly connected to God. This is how I can connect and receive God’s wisdom anytime I need it.

So powerful to know that we all have this connection inside us to all the answers we need. We can all connect to God, the Divine, Source, the Universe, or whatever you choose to call the creation energy that made us, loves us unconditionally, and supports us throughout our lives.

Do you have a favorite way to connect to God? Is there a special place you go to, or a particular ritual that helps you get there?

Posted in Holistic Healing, Hypnosis, Spirituality, The Voyage | Tagged , , , , , , , | 11 Comments