I See You: A Letter to My Son

To my beloved Son:

I see you when you shove your sneakers on without untying the laces because tying shoes is still a challenge and takes too long.

I see you change your clothes several times a day because one pair of pants or a shirt becomes too hot or uncomfortable after a while.

I see you skip brushing your teeth because the bristles against your gums is unbearable.

I see you when you do brush your teeth, after much nagging from me, and you don’t use toothpaste because it’s intolerable.

I see you when you ask me every morning just before school drop-off if your face is clean of food because you don’t feel it when you have butter or crumbs around your mouth.

I see you try to eat new foods, but still can’t swallow them, or their smell is so offensive you can’t even give them a taste.

I see you when you jumble up time because your brain doesn’t process time very well.

I see you when you become self-conscious running around with your buddies, noticing how they seem to glide across the grass like a gazelle, and you don’t.

I see you when I take you for a hair cut and you have to go outside a soon as your cut is done because of the smell of perm chemicals in the air is overwhelming.

I see you when I hug you and you turn your head because the smell of my morning breath is intolerable for you.

I see you when you won’t let me brush your hair because it hurts too much.

I see you when you have trouble facing new situations and new people, until you get comfortable with them.

I see you when it’s Sunday night, and the thought of having to go to school in the morning stresses you out.

I see you Monday mornings when you open your eyes, only to crumble into tears when you remember it’s a school day Monday.

I see you when anxiety morphs into sheer terror panic, feeling like you’re going to die.

I see you when you have to curl up into a ball in your safe soft place in your closet when your brain is freaking out.

I see you not wanting to go to school because everything they stress during school: reading, writing and math, are big challenges for you.

I see you feeling stupid because school has taught you that if you don’t get good grades and catch on to what they’re teaching, the way they teach, you must be stupid.

I see you try to please people around you, like me and your Dad, and your teacher at school because your heart is pure gold.

I see you trying to just make it through the school day with your teachers interpreting your behavior as apathetic, and all you want to do is crawl into a bunch of blankets.

I see you when you’re so tired and worn out that your ability to talk starts to give out.

I see you cry when the world has overwhelmed you because it expects more from you than you can give.

I see you wanting to be accepted and loved just as you are.

I see the true you because I know a secret that the rest of the world doesn’t know. You came into the world with amazing gifts that might not be fully realized for a while. I see how amazingly fast your brain works at times. And you definitely have the potential to change the world. You came into the world with a Christened consciousness that won’t let you lie, cheat or steal. You have a heart bigger than anyone, and it’s my job as your mother to see that it doesn’t get trampled, until you’re old enough to do that job for yourself.

I’ve seen how far you’ve come, and as difficult as things get, I know you’re going to fly.

This post was inspired by an article I read today: I Stand Quietly: A Letter to My Daughter and to Everybody, written by a mother of a child on the Autism Spectrum.

Posted in Sensory Processing Disorder, The Voyage | Tagged , , , , , | 12 Comments

Disembarking From The Crazy Train

Where to begin? The past few weeks have been a series of ups and downs. Way down and way up. I read about how this year of 2015 is a year of change, of transformation, and the rollercoaster ride has begun!

Energies in the world become turbulent periodically, like when the sun shoots out a big solar flare, or when the moon’s effect on earth’s gravity is highest during the full and new moons. During these times people tend to become irritable or riled up – just ask anyone who works in an ER. Energies deep in people start to become shaken, and some rise to the top ready to be let go, like when you put water into a pan of rice and agitate it so the starch rises to the top to be poured off.

These energies come out as anger, frustration, and fear. How do I know energy is wonky? Other than looking at a calendar to see the phase of the moon, or checking in with certain Lightworkers out there who are always on top of the sun’s activity, my biggest indicators are how I’m feeling and how my Little Man is doing.

The past few weeks have been a struggle. Little Man’s anxiety has been running high. And my body decided to freak out on me in response to all of Little Man’s anxiety. Turns out I’m at an age where it is imperative to support my hormonal system in one way or another; and I haven’t been doing a good job with it. Things got too far out of balance, sending me spiraling. It was not fun. Fortunately, I had support on hand in the form of some capsules, and I finally took the full recommended dose (which I hadn’t been doing).

The lesson of balance was brought full force into my face. It’s about balance.

From Google ImagesWhat I’m learning as I travel the path of a spiritually awakened person, is that being conscious of the fact that we are all Christened beings, who came from the energy we know as unconditional love, does not mean our lives will be all skittles and roses. In fact, when people are actively doing the work to free themselves of their fear-based personality (which is a challenge in this fear-based world we live in), they might find that areas of their lives, that aren’t really working for them, fall apart.

People’s marriages implode. The can’t tolerate their job anymore and leave, or they get fired. And friendships go by the wayside. As I’ve changed and come into myself more, I see that the crap inside me that used to pop up and stir the pot, make me afraid, frustrated, pissed off, or whatever, is so very much less and less. I’ve had a few friendships go away. And when I am knocked over, I tend to spring back up much more easily and quickly.

Last week I participated in a workshop created by Drunvalo Melchizedek, called Awakening the Illuminated Heart. We spent 4 days healing, letting go of things that have been holding us back and weighing us down, so we could remember who we truly are at our core. We are spirit; an aspect or splinter of the One Divine, whence we came. We wear these human costumes (or as my dear friend calls them – meat suits) so we can experience life through them:  through our eyes, our ears, our ability to taste, smell, and our sense of touch. We come into these amazing vehicles called bodies, and experience pain, anger, doubt, fear, happiness, joy, bliss, and love. We also create with and through our bodies. We chose this as a way of expanding our consciousness. After all, God isn’t in a body and can’t experience life the way we do.

During the workshop, after we spent two days experiencing healing and releasing, we spent the next two days reconnecting to the point in our bodies where the world of polarity, this world of opposites, doesn’t exist: within a tiny space inside our heart. This is the point of unity: where we truly are one with everything and everyone.

It is within this space that we connect directly to the Divine Source, God. As we were guided through an exercise that brought us specifically into this space, we were reminded to be childlike, full of wonder, and joy. In fact, I believe it was because I saw myself as a young girl playing and having fun, that this particular exercise worked so well for me. As I slid down a very long and winding slide into this place, shouting “wee!” all the way down, I finally arrived, with a plop onto a bed of pillows. God was right there welcoming me, saying that he’d been waiting for me and was so happy that I’d finally made it.

In a flash, I was shown a slideshow of pictures that stretched all around me, and stretched quite tall, like an IMAX theater. There were all sorts of pictures of landscapes that were amazingly beautiful, pictures of people from all over the globe, and I received the knowing that we are all one, all connected, and are integrally part of our Mother Earth and Father Sky. More information flooded my brain so fast that I can only remember flashes of it, but the expressions “as above, so below” and “as within, so without” made total sense.

In my conversation with God, I realized that I hear him in my mind all the time. He comes through for me with great regularity. And for years, I’d blown him off, not knowing it was The Divine connecting with me, giving me information.  It was an amazingly emotional experience, with tears rolling down my cheeks. Realizing the completely unconditional love and acceptance, and the connection that has always been there (I’ve never been alone or abandoned), was overwhelming. Trying to express in mere words, this intense experience, doesn’t even begin to do it justice. (Think about the difference between explaining what an orgasm is, and the actual experience). Nevertheless, it was beyond amazing and something I’ll never forget.

The goal of spirituality is to remember our intimate connect with the source of life, to remember our God selves. To remember that this life is temporary. And that we choose to come here to experience, without judging experiences as good or bad. It is our human selves who created this world of polarity we now live in, where we feel the need to label everything in opposites. Think about it: how often do we categorize things into our lives and then stick polarity labels on them like good and bad, like and dislike, black and white, up and down, in and out. The thing with these labels is that they disregard the never-ending flow that life really is, the continuum and the ever-present change. They create artificial end points that stop us. Polarity doesn’t allow for expansion and opening in our thoughts, and thus in our world. After all, our thoughts (conscious and subconscious) create our world: the physical items around us, and the experiences that are drawn to us.

So when we are able to remember to see the world through the eyes of unity instead of through polarity, especially after the initial upheaval, things tend to flow more smoothly. Bumps in the road become small and easier to step over. Upset passes more quickly. And what comes to us becomes more and more desirable.

One of the biggest challenges that comes from moving forward in my work is the integration part. Integrating the new me with my “life” and family. Being able to maintain the ground I’ve gained with surroundings that haven’t yet shifted. This is the place where some people experience what appears to be backlash or their lives falling apart. What’s really happening is that their new selves don’t fit into their old lives. Sometimes families, friendships, jobs, and homes are flexible enough that things shift and adjust to a new normal. Sometimes not. Finding the balance in maintaining ground gained and giving my family time and space to shift to meet me, is what I’m working on. So far, so good.

Posted in Holistic Healing, Spirituality, The Voyage | Tagged , , , , | 14 Comments

Child Wants to Stay Home from School


A few weeks ago, Little Man and I had a particularly difficult morning. I wrote about it here: Push Me Pull You. While I was struggling to deal with the situation, I decided to ask The Council for their wisdom. Bob and Cynthia have a blog that is full of people’s questions and the advice that Cynthia brings through from The Council to help these people reach a higher level of understanding. The Council came through for me on this one in a very big way.

Originally posted on Ask The Council:

This post is inspired by a question from Susan who asks if it’s more loving to let her son stay home from school when he doesn’t feel well or to force him to try to walk through his anxiety and go to school. Her son is a 12 year old sixth grader who she describes as very energetically sensitive, dyslexic, has ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder), and sensory issues. Her son missed school on Friday and 15 minutes before going to school on Monday he developed a stomach ache. Susan is looking for guidance that will help her in situations like this. She’s concerned about his anxiety ruling him, but she also wants him to make it to the other side of his fears.

The Counsel says much of her son’s stress is related to remembering his past lives when he was abandoned, had no family, and couldn’t speak out. When he’s ready they suggest…

View original 375 more words

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Revisiting a Memorable Post: Reiki Attunement

Just for today, I will not worry.

Just for today, I will not be angry.

Just for today, I will do my work honestly.

Just for today, I will give thanks for my many blessings.

Just for today, I will show kindness to every living thing.

These are the Reiki principles as I learned them almost exactly 4 years ago. I took a day long class to learn about Reiki healing and to become attuned to it, after learning that a fellow blogger used Reiki to help her son sleep. At the time, my son had a lot of issues with sleep, and I was both desperate and very intrigued.

Inspired by another fellow blogger, Sara of The Practical Mystic, and her First Post Challenge, I decided to revisit one of my posts that brought back a memorable time in my life. For me, this event kicked off my spiritually “waking up.” As I wrote this post, I no idea what was to come: the changes and the magic.

Attunement As A Reiki Healer                               March 6, 2011

This past weekend, I received attunements to be a Reiki healer of the First Degree. For many of you, Reiki is a word you may have heard of, but don’t really know what it is. Well, in a nutshell, Reiki is energy that is the source of all life. It is the life force that is called many names, including Mana, Prana, Chi, and in Japan, Ki. A Reiki healer can channel the life force energy and “give Reiki” to another person.

As we are all made of energy, and energy is all around us, I believe that we are all connected, and everyone has the potential to be a healer of this nature. The attunements I received were initiations given by a Reiki Master. In receiving them, my body’s energy channels were opened and cleared of obstructions, so that I am now connected to the source of all universal Ki.

In becoming a Reiki healing practitioner, I learned how to lay my hand on, or just above, a person, and to channel Ki through me to them. Our bodies instinctively know how to heal themselves: think of when you are sick and get better, or have a cut and it heals itself. But, sometimes, for whatever reason, your body may need help, may need more of the life force energy, to heal. And this healing may have to do with physical, emotional, or spiritual dis-eases. This is where a Reiki practitioner can help.

As I laid my hands on fellow classmates, learning the hand positions on the body, my hands became very warm, and at times, even hot. This was the energy being transferred between us. They commented on feeling the heat, as well. The wonderful thing about our bodies is, because they know how to heal themselves, when this Ki comes in, the body uses it where it is most needed. For some, it may be physical healing, and for others, it may be emotional healing.

During the class, when we received our attunements, we each experienced them in a different way. Some people became very emotional, while others felt a little jolt pass down through their bodies. After I received my final attunements, I became very emotional, and the words, “Thank you God,” kept resonating over and over in my head. It’s very interesting to see how differently it affected each person.

More and more, Reiki is finding it’s way into the world of traditional medicine. Our teacher has been able to be with people receiving hospice, to help them finish unfinished business before they died. And transplant organs that receive Reiki, have a significantly lower rejection rate than those that don’t.

From now on, these abilities that were opened in me yesterday, are forever with me. I will leave you with the Reiki Principles as I was taught them.

Just for today, I will not worry.

Just for today, I will not be angry.

Just for today, I will do my work honestly.

Just for today, I will give thanks for my many blessings.

Just for today, I will show kindness to every living thing.


I invite you to share the link to one of your most memorable posts in the comments below.

Posted in Holistic Healing, Spirituality, The Voyage | Tagged , , , | 9 Comments

Push Me Pull You

I’m tip toeing through a minefield of Lego’s. One wrong move and it’s pain. Things were going great, until…

Ouch! I can’t. My stomach hurts. My head is all fuzzy and I can’t think straight.

Step 2. I prod, coax, ask. No pressure.

No. I can’t do it. It hurts. I can’t think.
Can I have some Reiki?

Ok Little Bunny. Relax. I’ll help you unwind this big knot in your tummy. Would you like a decongestant? No.


A little.

Do you think you can just try to go to school?


Just try. Even if it’s for a little while. All you have to do is just sit there.

I can’t do it.

Yes you can – spoken with the most compassion I can muster.

I can’t think straight. I’m afraid. She’ll make me work. I can’t do it.

Sure you can…
Frustration wells up and then I push. You need to at least try going. Just for the first hour. You must go. Get your clothes back on! Put your shoes on!! Get going!!!

Tears. Anguish. Pain. I can’t do it. His feet are in cement.

Now!!!! Get. Your. Clothes. On!!!! Get in the car!!

Fear and pain eclipse his brain and torrents of tears come. I feel his torture. I can’t do this.

That which I resist persists, and in proportion to my resistance.

What am I doing? If I keep pushing, am I traumatizing him? Am I screwing him up (like my mother did to me)? If I give in am I letting him get away with something? Am I crippling him, allowing his anxiety to rule his brain? What will his teacher think, missing yet another day of school? What does she think of me, of him?

Fuck it. Fuck what anyone thinks. Today, the heart rules. I give.

Ok. You’ll just have to deal with it all tomorrow. I give up. It’s just not worth it.

And how was your Monday morning?

Posted in Mental Illness, Sensory Processing Disorder, The Voyage | Tagged , , , | 12 Comments

Hickory Ice

Looking through old files today, I found a few things I wrote years back when I was really struggling. Now I see that I was dealing with undiagnosed depression. This was written when Little Man was 17 months old; before he wore any labels of diagnoses.

May 10, 2004

On autopilot
Running… moving
Keep moving…don’t stop
If you stop, it will all fall down and crumble in a heap.

Like the adrenaline the day Little Man was born
Or was it the morphine?
Don’t think…just do…go

If I stop to try to make sense of it all
I won’t be able to get up and get going again
I’ll be mired in the mud.

Can’t think about the stress, the pressure
Can’t truly process it right now
Have to just get through…and deal with it later
Much later.

Hickory ice. If you stop, you fall in.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . .
You are the cow… pump, nurse, pump, bottle, pump
Try to get him to stop crying…go to sleep…please.
Every time I get up, the pain is so intense.

It feels like tearing inside
The incision is ripping inside
My heart is tearing

But I have to keep getting up…again and again.
He needs me
I need me

Over time things heal
The incision still hurts, but it’s better
My heart is better
But there will always be scars.

Posted in Mental Illness, Sensory Processing Disorder, The Voyage | Tagged , , , | 8 Comments

Shoot This! Connecting To Nature

My favorite way to connect to nature is with camera in hand. When I’m out and about, I’ll see something that speaks to me, that lights me up inside, and when it happens I have to capture that moment to share it with the world. Hoping to share that indescribable wow.

I first became enamored with taking pictures forty years ago, when I was ten and received a Polaroid Zip camera. These days, my cameras of choice are a Canon Powershot SX 280 HS that lives in my purse, for every day point and shoot moments, and my big gun, a Canon 70D.

Today was a perfect day to get out and shoot. I had no plans that couldn’t wait (laundry and cleaning), and the weather decided to change from buckets of rain and flooding to a beautifully clear and sunny day.  The first photo-op that caught my eye happened as I drove my son to school. To have to pass it by was a bit of torture, but I was home in a flash, and grabbed my camera.

Running out the door, I caught the backstays of the morning sun shining through our woods. There is something about crepuscular rays that always speaks to my heart.

Suns Rays

When Little Man saw this photo, he said, “It looks like God.” Love that.

After playing around with the fog and sun, I put on a camouflage jacket and my boots to head across the waterlogged field next door. Walking through the field I followed deer trails and side-stepped small rodent holes.

At the edge of the field is a row of young trees that serves as a buffer to a small river that is home to spawning salmon. This time of year, we have many bald eagles around, hunting for fish in the river and small animals in the field. Standing above the young trees are a handful old trees that make for excellent look-out perches for the eagles and other birds of prey.

neighboring field

There were a few eagles in the largest tree (one whose spirit is very old and majestic). I took a photo, walked closer, took another photo, and walked closer, waiting to see how close I could get before I spooked the eagles.

eagle in tree

I manage to get fairly close to this one before it flew off.

eagle in flight

eagle in flight 2

After the eagle left, I stood by the river, waiting for more to come by. It was a gloriously sunny day, and frankly, I was just grateful to be outside in sunshine. As I was standing there, filled with gratitude, I saw something floating down the river. Expecting to see a branch come around the bend, what I got instead was a great surprise.


A pair of merganser ducks!


A little while later, I could see that the eagles had moved to trees up the river, far enough from me that I wasn’t going to pursue them. Content with having been outside for almost 2 hours, and having a handful of potentially decent photos, I started making my way back across the field.

neighbors barn

A neighbor’s barn was looking particularly inviting. As I looked the other way, toward our place, the fog was hanging around in the shade.

view back up field

Most of the puddles from the recent rain were just that, puddles. But I came across one that was still partly frozen.

frozen puddle

As I walked up the driveway, our majestic bigleaf maple tree caught my attention. It’s mostly covered with moss, and ferns love to grow from the moss. When it has leaves, they grow over a foot across: hence the name bigleaf maple.

big leaf maple tree

The ferns especially favor the north side of the tree.

ferns on maple

A final walk down the yard to check out the large puddles left behind by the past several days’ rains yielded more inspiration.

tree reflection

Thus concluded my communing with nature… until Little Man came home, and we went out to the field together.

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I Wasn’t Seeking Spirituality. It Found Me.

I was thinking, this morning, as I woke up to a dark and quiet house, that there have been times in my life when things have happened that have made a dramatic shift or change in my life.

I can look back and see turning points, forks in the road, and things that have been dropped in my lap. I see how with a dramatic change, my life can become tumultuous for a while, like a boat being tossed by an unexpected storm. And then, eventually, the winds and upset pass, leaving calm seas and perhaps a new normal in its wake.

These changes, even the good ones, are often uncomfortable because they upset the status quo that has become so comfortable and familiar. The time I met the man who would become my husband was one of these times. Becoming Reiki attuned was also one of these times. Deciding to go back to college as a full-time student to a school where I would not be able to be in the work force for 3 years, was also one of these turning points.

I have learned that we can plan our lives as much as we want, but we never know when the universe is going to drop something in our path that has the potential to very significantly change it.

The biggest unexpected surprise that crept up on me as much as it was dropped into my life, was Spirituality.  Let me tell you, there is no precursor for having spirituality enter your life. I did not grow up in a religious family. I have always had a mind that preferred logic and science to blind faith. But I had peeks and glimpses of it, perhaps setting me up for what was later to be put right into my face. I had a few incredible experiences in hypnosis sessions, including experiencing my highest self and being healed by an angel, before I even knew what a highest self even was.

And both of those experiences happened because I was trying to find a way to lose weight that would be permanent. By the time I decided to delve into hypnosis, I’d realized that dieting didn’t work for me. I would lose weight, only to gain it back and then some; over and over and over. I figured out that my emotional overeating was merely a symptom of some other dysfunction going on that I was using food (very unsuccessfully) to cope with.

The pursuit of weight loss led me to hypnosis, which, many years later would facilitate huge healing around my eating issues, and personal growth.

The pursuit of wanting to help my son led me to Reiki. Becoming Reiki attuned opened something in me that led to several synchronicities that blew me open spiritually like opening an over pressured bottle of champagne. I didn’t decide to seek Spirituality, it clubbed me over the head.

I can trace that moment back to a psychic reading I had from a very gifted woman. Knowing what I now know, it was planned for our paths to cross, and for her to remind me that I am a spiritual being; opening up, not a can of worms, but more like a beautiful glass jar of magic. She and I have been sisters in many lifetimes, and there is a bond between us that is hard to explain. We are connected.

The cool thing is that what I have been seeking is healing; healing from carrying extra pain, shame, and anger that had shown up as extra weight (as it does for so many people). But what came my way was unexpected, and has become so very much more. I have morphed into a spiritual being, creating amazing healing in my life.

I look for the meaning beneath or behind situations, feelings, and actions: both my own and that of others. Why? Because I’ve learned that we hide our truths there. And when our truths are brought out of darkness, we can shine light on them, examining them, feeling into them, and deciding if it’s time for a new truth to emerge.

In simple terms, our pain, suffering, and discomfort in life doesn’t have to be. We can change things. It’s just a matter of figuring out how. Where to look. Who to help us. Follow the bread crumbs by listening to what resonates with your heart. There are as many paths as there are people on the planet, and you will know if you’re on your path by the way it feels inside.

As 2014 has just come to a close and 2015 is now upon us, the universe recently brought me clarity to my life’s purpose. And this blog is a great platform for that purpose:  sharing my wisdom with people through connection on a deep and meaningful level, with the goal of inspiring others to help themselves – to facilitate their own healing. This is my New Year’s Resolution. That, and creating more magic in my own life.

Posted in Holistic Healing, Hypnosis, Spirituality, The Voyage | Tagged , , , , | 10 Comments

Pieces Lost and Found: A Guest Post

As we grow up and go through life, things happen to us to cause us pain, discomfort, and trauma. These things can be big, like losing a parent when you still very much need them to be around. Or, they can seem smaller, like being so very proud that you dressed yourself and fancied up your hair all by yourself, when you were four, only to be met with disdain from your mother because you messed up your room in the process, leaving clothes all over the place. And, you ruined her best lipstick, wanting to be more like mom. As life happens to us, little pieces of our soul can get left behind. To read about a Soul Retrieval Ceremony I participated in, and find out how this process helps us heal from life’s injuries, hop on over to my sweet friend, Liz’s blog, Big Body Beautiful. Liz is a bodacious, body loving, motorcycle riding, extraordinarily talented writer, who graciously allowed me to guest post to her blog. For those who are interested, the shamanic practitioner who performed the ceremony is Cadie Federmeyer of Heart of the Forest Acupuncture in Bellingham, WA.

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Remembering Mom: Christmas Eve 2014

I had forgotten that Christmas Eve day was the day my mother decided to exit this world, until my son reminded me a few weeks ago. I think he was worried about how I’d be on that day. He assumed it would be a sad day for me. And it is sad, but as I’ve thought about it, not for the reasons I’d expected. Most of all, I’m sad for what I wasn’t able to share with Mom: what I’ve learned about energy medicine.

Mom when she was a girl.

Mom when she was a girl.

Two years ago, I got up and went about my usual routine. I had just returned home from the grocery store when my cell phone rang. It was my mother’s caregiver. In a flash, I went from having a mother, to not. The rear door to my minivan was open and I sat down onto the back bumper, bawling.

Initially, my grief for losing my mother was just that: grief because the person who had spent the most time raising and caring for me, was gone. It was mixed with relief in not having to worry about her any longer; worry about how she was becoming senile, worry about her severely depressed state, worry about managing her care from 3000 miles away.

After a while, grief morphed into anger. Anger for all of the years she verbally attacked me when she was manic. Lots of old anger. I worked on that in my own way with forms of therapy that are most effective for me (working with psychics, energy healers, and hypnotherapy). Bucket loads of anger that had literally stowed away in my body, have been released.

And now when I look back with compassionate eyes, they are not clouded by so much pain. They are more clear. And what comes to me this year is the sadness for what might have been, had Mom discovered what I have come to know about energy healing and energy medicine: that it truly improves and has the potential to cure conditions and diseases that the current medical establishment tries to merely manage. Mental illnesses being the largest category.

Mom and me just before my younger brother was born.

Mom and me just before my younger brother was born.

Mom was on several medications by the time she reached her 70’s and 80’s, and it became more and more difficult for her doctor to find the right pill or combination of pills to help keep her out of the extremes of depression and mania, as her last year on this planet demonstrated. That year she was hospitalized for both extreme mania and extreme depression.

About the time Mom needed to be hospitalized for mania, I called an internet radio talk show hosted by a well-known west coast psychic, Sara Wiseman. I was able to get on the air with her and asked her why my mother would become verbally vicious toward me (and only me) when she was manic. Sara told me that Mom didn’t have an issue with me exactly, it was more of something at the energetic level between us. She saw that Mom had been wounded as a young girl of about 4 or 6 years old, and the next time I was going to meditate, I should go back to look at the time just before the wounding occurred. I did just that and facilitated a miracle.

From that day forth, for the rest of my mother’s life, when she was manic, she never attacked me (and I purposely provoked her just to see). A while later, I would learn that she also experienced some miraculous (unexplainable by the medical community) physical healing at the same time.

Since that time, I have learned even more about the amazing power of energy medicine, that it has the potential to create miracles every day. And the only reason they are deemed miracles is because we, as a society, are not taught about how to work with energy, about how disease and illness enter into our lives and bodies. We are not taught the connection between our minds, bodies and spirits.

We are taught that we are limited, and that we are less than. We are not taught to know that we are a spark of the divine energy that literally created each of us. We are first energy, and then manifested into physical form. We are not taught that we are amazing, and that our bodies were designed to heal, and to be healthy. We are not taught about soul contracts and life lessons, and that when we learn a life lesson, we can close a contract, or change it.

We don’t have to keep having the same bad relationship played out with partner after partner. We don’t have to struggle with our abundance, feeling poor in every way. We don’t have to bring arthritis, cancer, and heart disease into our lives in our later years (unless we’ve made an agreement to do so before we were born – and sometimes those agreements can be shifted).

If we have depression, it can be healed or very much improved. I have experienced this. If we have been diagnosed with type 2 diabetes, it can be healed. I have done this. If we live with addictions, they can be healed, or at least drastically reduced. I have experienced this. If we develop things like thyroid problems or acid reflux, they can be healed. Working on it right now.

I’m sad because if my mother had lived to know the things I now know and had lived to witness what I’ve been able to accomplish, she might have decided to give it a try. And who knows? Instead of needing so much medication, she might have been able to drastically reduce it. She might have helped create a miracle. Or not. But at least the potential for it to happen would have existed. I’m sad because as much as I’ve learned to help myself, I wasn’t able to help her.

What I do know is that even though Mom is no longer here in her physical body, she is still around as an energetic being, and her journey continues. And yes, she knows what I’m up to. All I have to do is think of her and it brings her close to me again.

Mom 10 months before her death.

Mom 10 months before her death.

Posted in Energy Therapy, Holistic Healing, Mental Illness, Spirituality, The Voyage | Tagged , , , , , , , | 8 Comments