Spring Tulip Festival 2016

Every April, the county where in live in Washington state celebrates the advent of spring with a Tulip Festival. It runs the entire month, but the flowers come up and bloom in their own time. This year they were on the early side, with the large fields in full bloom just before the official start of the festival on April 1.

By mid month, the flowers in the fields were topped (by hand).

My favorite tulip viewing garden is about a half hour’s drive away, and is hand planted every year with about a million bulbs. It’s an amazing sight to behold with the incredible variety of tulips and other spring bulbs. The different colors, sizes, petal shapes and configurations are mind-blowing. Most of these are not fragrant, but a very few are. I think the only tulips I don’t care for are the fringed petal ones. They just seem weird to me.

Because the area has become so very popular with the help of the internet and social media, traffic to see these flowers can be a bit of a nightmare. I chose a Monday later afternoon, when the crowds were thin, to indulge my love of photographing nature. Enjoy a handful of my favorite shots.

Please remember that these photos are copyrighted to me. If you’d like to use one, simply ask.

Do you have a favorite flower? Do you prefer selecting a flower based on how it looks, or its fragrance?

Posted in Photography | Tagged , , , , , | 12 Comments

Always Choose Heart


From Google Images

I think the biggest lesson in life is to choose heart. When you are faced with really big and scary decisions, choose based on how it feels when you feel through your heart. Are you making decisions because you are afraid of what will happen if you don’t choose one thing over another? Or are you choosing something because it feels right for you? Remember, something might feel right and work for someone else and absolutely not be right for you. Only you know what’s right for you. And when you connect to your heart and feel into decisions you make, it’s the way to go.

Another thing that I’ve been noticing is, there is no right or wrong. Right and wrong are judgments that we have learned to put onto people and situations. So, if you’re afraid to make a decision based on your heart because you feel it would be the wrong way to go, know that it’s just judgment and fear that’s holding you back. The bravest decisions are ones that you know in your soul are the right ones, and you go with them, despite everyone around you screaming at you that you’re wrong. Instead of thinking of something as being right or being wrong, think of whether the decision makes your heart or body contract or expand. Expansion feels better. Go with what feels better.

As a parent, one of my biggest fears has been that I might screw up my kid. I recently learned, during a hypnotherapy session, why this thought has been with me for over 35 years. Digging that fear up and creating a lot of healing around it has created space, freedom for me to make decisions around my child, based on heart and not the fear of screwing him up.

Just that one shift can make all the difference in what my son’s life will look like. Will it look better or worse 10 and 20 years down the line, than if I had never healed that belief in me? It doesn’t matter, because better and worse are judging by my limited “human” perception. One thing I know is that his life will be in more alignment with what his soul wanted to achieve during this lifetime.

My healing and letting go of old beliefs that are not in alignment with my true, divine self, inform every part of my life. They affect decisions I make every day from what I choose to eat, to how I spend my time, to what color shirt I put on, to the decisions I make as a spouse and as a parent. The more decisions (and especially the big ones) I make based on my heart, the more my life will reflect the divinity that is within me; and the same applies to you. The challenge as I see it, is to be brave enough to choose heart over fear.

Posted in Holistic Healing, Spirituality, The Voyage | Tagged , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones

The brain is a magical thing. It helps keep us alive. It helps animate this very body that I live in. And a swirl of chemicals within it controls a bazillion functions and feelings. Part of our brain controls our automated functions like breathing and digestion, while another part acts like a computer processor, and handles all sorts of things like speech and language and motor coordination.

One thing the brain does well is to process our every day experiences and file things away. We experience so very many things every single day that we can’t keep them in our working memory, and we end up filing them into our deep filing system, our subconscious. This is also where we file things we do repetitively and without thinking.

Some things we experience are too painful to keep remembering, so our brain plays games with us and makes up stories that help us to feel better. Lies. And when we are very little we file these experiences with their lies into the deep filing system too, just in a different spot.

When I started to dig into healing my childhood about five years ago, instead of seeing a counselor (again), my path led me to some talented intuitive healers. They either were born with this gift full-on, or developed it with training (as anyone can). And during one of the healing sessions I had, the woman I was working with tuned into my childhood and my relationship with my mother. She intuitively saw my mother verbally going at me. She said it felt like electrical shocks to my young self. I didn’t remember it, but then again, I didn’t remember much of my childhood. Even though I didn’t specifically remember it, there was something about it that rang true for me. It felt true.

Since that time, I’ve used hypnotherapy to go back in time and have seen several instances of my mother going off on me in a state of mania. She sliced and diced me with her sharp tongue every time she ramped up into mania. But it was only with me, never my brothers. It would take nothing for me to trigger her and, whammo! Look out!

When you can be a target at the drop of a hat, you learn how to read people very well. You read their voice, their body language, and how they move. You learn when the viper is ready to strike and when it’s sleeping. I am very good at detecting when someone is being deceptive or inauthentic.

Until I started working with intuitives and tapping into my subconscious myself, I didn’t address much of my childhood. Most of it was a big blank. How can you make any headway with counseling when you can’t remember? My brain filed things away so I couldn’t remember the pain. Just because I couldn’t remember, doesn’t mean it didn’t affect me.

The destruction was done. The evidence was through and through. I had no personal boundaries. I was a door mat. I had no self-esteem, no regard for myself, no love or respect for myself. And my wounded child would act out in ways that I could never associate with her. I didn’t even know she existed.

Working with intuitives and finding ways to access my subconscious (hypnosis) has been the only way I’ve been able to make the tremendous progress that I’ve made in the past five years. As I started to dig in and pick up the pieces of my childhood, I began to realize just how many broken pieces were still out there to find. Every time I bring a bit of myself back, I feel more and more like the true me. I still have a lot of holes in my young memory, but a lot of wounds have been healed and pieces of my soul have been retrieved. There is still a way to go, but I’m getting there bit by bit. And every life challenge, every bump in the road, is a neon sign for me pointing out unhealed wounds to lovingly attend to.

I may not have had bones broken when I grew up, but wounds caused by verbal assault are every bit as scarring. And they need to be addressed and healed every bit as much as setting a broken bone with a cast.

Posted in Holistic Healing, Hypnosis, Mental Health, Spirituality, The Voyage | Tagged , , , | 4 Comments

Happiness Is…

Late Day Tulip Field (copyright mariner2mother)

Late Day Tulip Field (copyright mariner2mother)

Happiness is reaching out, helping lift someone’s spirits.

Happiness is feeling better today than yesterday.

Happiness is a transient state of mind. It comes and goes.

I am grateful for when happiness is here, and for when it returns.

Happiness is a funny and fickle thing.

Little things make me happy. And little things can close me off to it.

Happiness feels good. To me, it’s a young cousin to Joy.

Joy feels deeper and more solemn. Happiness is light and bubbly, like Ginger Ale.

This morning, I received a correspondence that giving of myself was well received. I gave from my heart, and it was received with gratitude. That made me very happy. Extremely happy, in fact.

A few more things that make me happy in this very moment are:

looking out my window to a rhododendron bush beginning to bloom,

My early rhodie. (copyright mariner2mother)

My early rhodie. (copyright mariner2mother)

seeing the lawn that has recently been cut and doesn’t need another mow quite yet,

looking out my kitchen window into a bush where a robin is building a nest,

and thinking about the few moments over the past 2 1/2 months when my Little Man is able to find his happiness again. They are few and far between right now, but are increasing.

What is making you happy in this moment? What was the last thing that made you happy? Do you feel that you can make a conscious choice to be happy when you’re not?


Posted in Mental Health, Spirituality | Tagged , , , , , | 6 Comments

What Do You See?

Yesterday was an extremely hard day. My moods can dip and dive until I’m crawling on my belly in the spring mud; right there next to the skunk cabbage. But I pushed myself to get out the door, my ass dragging ten feet behind me, and do some much needed grocery shopping. As I drove down the boulevard in my silver pine mica minivan (yes, that’s the official name of the color), feeling like crap on a log, shit on a shingle, this thought came to me…

What do you see?

What do you see when you look at me behind the wheel of my car?

When you look at me you see a middle aged, overweight woman in her mom uniform: jeans, a t-shirt and a thin fleece, with her uncolored hair pulled back in a big barrette, wearing simple stud earrings and glasses. You see this average, generic woman driving a minivan, so you assume I have kids and they play sports and do other activities. You see me driving, on a mission to do all sorts of errands and then get back to home base where I have cooking, cleaning, and other household chores waiting.

What do you see?

You see whatever your lenses of experience and perception allow you to see. You see what you expect to see. You see me through your filters.

But what you don’t see is a woman who is struggling to just exist. You don’t see a woman who fantasizes about what it would be like to no longer have to deal with any of the hard things in life that day. It could be so easy to just step out and be done with it all.

You don’t see my past. You don’t see my feelings. You don’t see my struggles. You don’t see my heart.

You don’t see that even though I drive a minivan, I have only one child; and that this one child is going through a very rough patch right now. You don’t see my heart breaking for him. You don’t see that some days right now I can barely function, and I hate that my ability to be ok is so inextricably tied to my son, like a noose around my neck.

And you also don’t see that as I’m driving home and notice the dry weather, the patchy clouds in the sky, allowing the sun to peek through now and then, I realize that if I get home and produce something for the family to eat for dinner, there will be time for me to run back out the door with my camera for some photography therapy.

You don’t see that yes, I’m struggling mightily, but I also know that there are some things in my life that help bring me back to level, to contentment. And one of them is photographing nature.

Right now, just a half hour drive away, are over a million tulip bulbs that have been hand planted into an amazing display garden for people to view. There are also fields with rows of colors, with the Cascade Mountains as a backdrop. Hundreds of thousands of visitors will stream into our little valley this month to view the splendor, and I know from experience when the crowds are thick and when they are thin.

And they are thin on a weekday evening from five o’clock on (the garden closes at 7 pm). A time when you see me and assume that I’ll be picking up the kids from some sort of practice, putting dinner on the table, and supervising homework. But you don’t see that my one kid doesn’t do organized activities. And you don’t see that I had to pull him out of school because of his extreme anxiety. And you don’t see that right now, his sleep is completely upside down and that as I get home, he’s only just waking up.

You also don’t see that I have a wonderfully supportive husband who has no qualms about my running off for a few hours of photography therapy, as long as there is something he can scrounge up to eat in the fridge.

I spent 2 1/2 hours walking around nature’s splendor with my camera, letting my heart open back up as I took in the amazing beauty, snapping away (350 times! Plus a few more on my phone).

pink tulip

copyright Susan Snyder

The variety of colors, from solid to variegated, of petal shapes and configurations, and heights of different varieties of tulips, and other spring bulbs, is staggering. A few tulips were on their way out, with petals falling, and a few others were still in bud. But the majority were beautifully open, smiling, waving, beckoning for me to take their picture.

Gazing upon the perfection that is Mother Nature, my heart automatically opens like the flowers, and reaches out touching divinity. Having both feet planted in the dirt and my heart open to the sky is when all is right in my world.

We never know what another person is dealing with in any moment, so if you ever have the choice between reacting towards someone or holding them in a place of compassion, try like crazy to take the road of compassion, especially when it’s the harder choice.

Posted in Holistic Healing, Mental Health, Spirituality, The Voyage | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Spring Tulips

It’s that time of year again! Tulip time!! The valley where I live is home to two of the largest family owned tulip growers in the country. And the month of April celebrates this beautiful flower (and other bulbs) with a tulip festival. There are lots of goings on, including being able to tour fields of colorful tulips and visit a formally planted garden. There are also oodles of art shows, and feeds, tastings and fests galore, and a street fair.

With our weather this time of year being a real crap-shoot of rain, clouds, fog, or sun, we get it all during April. And this month seems to herald seeing more of that big bright yellow orb in the sky than we’ve seen in the past 5 months. Local tulip viewers know that if it’s been rainy, bring your boots to the fields! Puddles make for some great reflection shots.

I haven’t been to the big garden yet, but here are a few photos from two fields I escaped to the other day.

row of yellow tulips

copyright Susan Snyder

pink tulips

copyright Susan Snyder

red tulips

copyright Susan Snyder

I intend to get over to the big garden soon. With the festival now in full swing and the bloom well underway, hoards of people are now making their way into the valley. It can get tricky to plan a time to visit when the weather is cooperating and things aren’t too overcrowded. However, I have to say that as crowded as tulip viewing can get, everyone (that I’ve ever come across) is very considerate of one another, especially when it comes to getting a photo.

Enjoy this short video (put out by Over Skagit in 2015) of our local display garden that I visit every year.


This spring has been especially challenging for me, personally, and photographing nature is some of the best, and my favorite, therapy. Getting outside and communing with Mother Nature is grounding, it brings me back into the present moment, and it lets me see the beauty in things around me that I often pass too quickly by. Feeling gratitude and appreciation for anything, is one of the quickest ways to connect to the higher self. And beautiful tulips make it beyond easy to open up the heart in awe and wonder.

The tulip photos (not the video) in this post are my work (and copyrighted to me as such), and if you would like to use them, all I ask is you credit them to me and this blog.


Posted in Photography | Tagged , , , , , , | 10 Comments

Holding On

Here we go again, so I thought.
My baby isn’t feeling well.
His tummy hurts.
His body is unhappy.

And again.
And again.

What’s going on?
Why doesn’t he get better?
He doesn’t seem really sick
But he’s in pain.


What’s going on?
He is in pain
And I can’t stop it.
I can’t help him.

I’m failing my baby.
I’m a failure as a mother.

Finally he tells me.
He tells me it’s anxiety
And panic attacks.

He finally told me.
He doesn’t have the vocabulary
To tell me that his heart is broken.
Broken by a system that
I’ve been forcing him to participate in.

Because I though it was
For his highest good.

I thought he needed to
learn to fit in,
to be able to mold himself
to a system that crushed him.

We forced him
To try to be
Something he’s not.
And it’s crushed him.

He’s hard-wired
Straight to God.

Demanding him to do
When he can’t
And punishing him for
Things he didn’t do
Has crushed his spirit.

I’m losing him.
I’ve lost him.

To anxiety and panic attacks.

♦               ♦               ♦

But I’m one
Persistent mo-fo!

I don’t give up easily.
That boy has too many
Important things to
Contribute to this world.

copyright mariner2mother

copyright mariner2mother

I will no longer
Pound my star-shaped son
Into a square hole.
To please anyone.

He isn’t like so many others.
He isn’t neuro-typical.
And I can’t handle him the way
Other people handle their kids.

He’s special.
He’s hard-wired to God.

And because of his neurology
He’s not as flexible
And adaptable to the
Disconnections of society.

He can’t handle threats
And conditional acceptance.
He requires authenticity
And reassurance

That he is ok.
That he is amazing.

He is here to teach.
To teach me and the world
How to be our true
Authentic selves.

He is heart on two legs.
He is Christ Consciousness personified.
And so am I.
And together, we will

Make it.
All we have to do is
Hold on.



Posted in Mental Health, Poetry, Spirituality | Tagged , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Spring Bulb Flowers

It’s that time again! The valley is starting its big bloom, with daffodil fields fully in bloom and starting to fade. My favorite display garden recently opened it’s doors, with daffodils, narcissus, and hyacinths among the early flowers in bloom. There were even a few of the earliest tulips gracing us with a display of colors.

There are several fields around the Skagit Valley where bulb growers plan millions of bulbs that will end up as cut flowers and as bulbs for sale.

In a few weeks, the rest of the early tulips will have passed, and the mid and late-blooming tulips will be doing their thing.

My ideal spring garden would be two-fold. Part of it would be rainbows and blazes of seasonal colors, while it would be interspersed with fragrant hyacinths, narcissus, and lily of the valley. But more than gardening, I love photographing nature. It doesn’t matter if it’s capturing flowers, trees, rocks, water, landscapes, close-ups, or macro photography (extreme close-up). I love it all.

Do you garden? Do you look forward to spring? Has spring sprung where you live?

Posted in Photography | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 11 Comments

Sometimes Change Just Plain Sucks

As much as I prefer to live in a peaceful and optimistic state, there are times when life keeps pummeling me, and I find it hard to find that place. That place of calm. That place of not freaking the fuck out.

These days I see life on several levels, all at the same time. I know that we experience all sorts of things in life just to experience them. I know we witness and measure change in ourselves by how we react differently to the same or similar things coming up repeatedly. I know that if my soul wants to become more compassionate, it will fill my life with experiences where, it might be challenging for me to overcome urges to sit in judgment. But if I can take those difficult steps toward dropping judgment and instead, sit in a place of compassion, I actually feel better.

So, just what is it at this moment in time that has me wallowing in old fear and being miserable? I think things that triggered fear in me a very long time ago, combined with a lot of societal judgment that I carry, and projecting a lot of what-if’s into the future, make for one nasty cocktail of misery.

As much as I can see things from the 30,000 ft. perspective, I also walk with my two feet on the ground and live in the trenches like everyone does. When my kid is miserable and I feel helpless to help him, as a mother, it really sucks. When my life has been flipped upside down and things haven’t settled out yet, it sucks. When my to-do list suddenly overwhelms me and freaks my brain out, it sucks. And as much as I know this transition time is just that, a transition, it can still suck.

Posted in Spirituality, The Voyage | Tagged , , , , | 14 Comments

Time For A New Voyage Plan

I don’t even know where to start, so I’ll just start at the beginning. There have been a few times in my life that I’ve had to hit the ground running when something unexpected happened or something that wasn’t completely unexpected happened at a time that I did not expect. Having my son seven weeks early was one of those things. My mother’s suicide was another. And now, one more big unexpected thing has landed in my lap. As much as we lay out a template for our life’s voyage, there are times when the plan needs to be rewritten, or even scrapped.

antique nautical chart

Several weeks ago, Little Man got sick. I had been doing some healing work and had created a massive energetic shift that affected my family lineage, and I thought that maybe Little Man was reacting to it. For me, energetic changes can bring me euphoria, lightness, tiredness, and even short-lived physical pain. Because Little Man is so extremely sensitive to energy, I thought his discomfort was something that I basically caused. For about 3 days his stomach hurt so much he could barely eat. Then, his whole torso hurt, and he had some legs pains (growing pains I thought). Then the pain was all over; sometimes his head, sometimes his whole body. After a few weeks with no relief, I sought out a naturopathic doctor.

Because I thought the cause was based in an energy shift, and he had no obvious signs of infection or a virus, I didn’t want to take him to his pediatrician. And the one amazingly intuitive naturopath that I know didn’t have any openings for a few weeks, but he referred us to another local, intuitive naturopath. As synchronicity would have it, a cancellation afforded us an opening the next day.

This doctor was a great match for Little Man, and he examined my son, did a bunch of applied kinesiology (muscle testing) and did a little energy healing on him, tuning into body systems and more. We left the visit with the information that Little Man’s body was starting to show signs of dysfunction due to stress and his diet. Apparently, gluten, dairy, potatoes and apples do not resonate with Little Man’s body very well, and we were given instructions for a diet that does not include these foods.

Another week passed and Little Man was not getting better. We saw the doctor again, but Little Man felt so poorly that the doctor spent most of the visit basically doing “laying on of hands” energy healing (and read the body again).

At that point, the doctor wanted to draw blood, which terrified Little Man, so we were sent home with a saliva test kit to assess adrenal function. Several days later, because I was frankly starting to get very worried, I told Little Man that he had to do whatever it took to be ok with having a blood draw because he wasn’t getting better and we needed information from his blood. It took 2 times of going to the lab, but he finally got up the courage and allowed a draw (such a proud moment that he conquered that huge fear!).

During this whole time I wasn’t overly worried about Little Man because I had 2 medical intuitives (they can “read” the body for illness, blockages, and systems that might be out of whack) check his body for signs of infection, illness, things going really wrong, and nothing was standing out for them. At least, nothing that they were allowed to “see.” You see, when an intuitive does this sort of thing, they can be blocked by the person they are reading. But after 4 weeks with no improvement, and pressures from school, I started to become worried.

Just over a week ago, blood test results came in, and we went to the doctor’s office for the results. About an hour before we were to leave the house for the check-up, Little Man came up to me and confessed. This whole time, he wasn’t sick, he was having anxiety and panic attacks about having to be in school. His stomachaches and headaches were very real, but they were caused by anxiety. And for weeks before his mystery illness, he had been waking up in the middle of the night with anxiety and headaches. Things had not been going well for a much longer time than I realized. I felt a mix of extreme relief that he wasn’t ill, as in having cancer or something like that, and gratitude that Little Man was able to confess this to me, but I was also terrified because I realized that life needed a major course correction, and now. The thought of homeschooling this kid who has learning issues and attention challenges sent me spiraling out in a very big way.

The visit at the doctor’s office only confirmed what I dreaded, that this kid needed to be out of public school, and pronto. (And going to a local private school wasn’t a good match – I’d already considered that option a few years ago). His blood work showed some imbalances, and relentless stress was a big part of the cause. The doctor is very sure that with a change in diet and with the anxiety addressed (change of school, journaling the anxiety, etc.), Little Man’s body will be able to come back into homeostasis reasonably easily. Lucky for him, we caught things early.

We left that visit with instructions to continue striving for a diet with no gluten or dairy, apples or potatoes, and one full of vegetables. That, in and of itself was enough to put me into a tailspin because Little Man is one very picky eater who lives on pasta and cheese. Having an extreme sense of taste and smell, if he doesn’t like the way something tastes or smells, he can’t force himself to eat it. He is very good about giving things a taste, but can not swallow something offensive, and almost every vegetable out there offends his palate. It’s very difficult to disguise the taste of something enough that Little Man can eat it, and he’s not a dipping sauce kind of kid.

So, here I sit, a few days out of “the news” and my head is not spinning out nearly as badly as it was the day I got the news (a Friday) and that first weekend. The food changes have Little Man in withdrawal, jonesing for his comfort food, and he constantly apologizes for being grumpy. Looking for gluten-free alternatives to foods we currently eat, like gluten-free pasta, is providing to be frustrating for Little Man, because they don’t taste like regular pasta, and everything is twice as expensive. I’m fixing veggies every way I can think that he might like, with fail after fail. But, like Edison and his light bulb, I’m not giving up easily. (Stubbornness can be perseverance).

I’m taking steps to become a homeschooling parent as quickly as I can, talking with people who I know who either homeschool now, have done it in the past, or who have plans to do so in the fall. And connecting to our own school district to figure out what’s next, I’ve already taken step one: filling out a form of intent to homeschool my child.

Right now, I’m just slightly less than terrified of the thought of teaching my kid everything he’s supposed to learn, when I have had no teacher training. All I know about teaching is from how I was taught when I was in school. And one thing I know for sure is the way we teach our children these days is not suited towards my son. If it were, he wouldn’t be labeled, “learning disabled.” For years I’ve known that my son learns differently from most, and I’ve happily let the experts (people who have actually trained to teach) deal with this monumental task, giving me freedom to do my own thing.

In years past, when Little Man begged me to homeschool him, I told myself that it was important for him to learn how to deal with life, with challenges, with hard things, with teachers who didn’t understand him, with all sorts of kids, and learn how to live with anxiety. So I pushed him, and pushed him, and talked with him, and did energy work on him, and talked with his school and teachers again and again. Anything to help him learn how to make it in this world. After all, we have challenges in our lives to grow, right?

But when to say when.

I’m saying when, now.

Little Man has come a very long way, and what he’s been taught by our local school system has been great. Even with his learning issues, he can read and write (although not too legibly), and do math that isn’t too horribly behind his peers. He’s stringing sentences together into paragraphs, and learning about history and science. What he’s learned by virtue of his struggles, having experiences with people who have big disconnects within themselves, is something he never could have learned if I’d cocooned him at home 3 years ago.

My fears are that I won’t be able to teach him what his peers will learn as they continue on through the public school. But he isn’t his peers. His buddies don’t have learning disabilities. Another fear is that I don’t want to limit his education or his possibilities for beyond high school. Some of the home schooled kids in our area have aspirations of attending local trade schools, and have no aspirations for a college otherwise. I don’t want to dumb down his math curriculum because I’ve already decided he won’t need to know calculus after high school. Little Man is a very smart kid, who, although he might not be the next Richard Branson, definitely has the potential to leave his mark on this world.

My fears are that when the honeymoon phase of not having to be in a public school setting wears off, Little Man’s school work will become a daily grind and drudgery for the both of us. My fears are that I won’t be able to find a local homeschooling group who resonates with me and my values. Most of the groups in my area are composed of people who’ve chosen to homeschool so they can incorporate the Bible’s teachings into their child’s everyday education. I already incorporate my beliefs into how I raise my child every day; and much of what our local churches, who have homeschooling groups, teach about the Bible and the way they interpret it, doesn’t resonate with me. Having this realization, I can choose to begin our school day with a short meditation to help ground us and clear up our energies; something that will help us to be centered and be able to focus on the tasks at hand.

My fears are lots. But I also know, because a few very wise people once told me, that as we stand at point A, striving to reach point B, we are not meant to know how we are going to get from A to B. We often think we know, only because our brain has an amazing ability to catalog and categorize past experiences. But, in truth, we actually do not know just how we will go from A to B. We take the first step. And as we ask for the next step, a new breadcrumb will appear. We keep asking for help, and as we step and step, the next breadcrumbs will keep showing up. And one thing I’ve figured out, is that I’m pretty good at asking, because breadcrumbs keep showing up. And as I receive information, when I pick the next direction using my heart as my compass, things tend to go well.

One thing I’m seeing is that my life is one of carving new trails, perhaps to make it easier for others to follow in new directions. Doing things the way everyone else does them doesn’t necessarily work for me (or Little Man), and I’ve found that in taking the road less travelled I’m making more progress in my own life than 99% of people I personally know.

This was one of the first books that introduced me to a new way of seeing life.

This was one of the first books that introduced me to a new way of seeing life.

Because I am in the position of being able to homeschool Little Man, I am very grateful that I don’t feel pushed into a corner to put him on anxiety medications that, especially in his body, would not be helpful. When his new doctor said that anxiety is just information that the brain is struggling to make sense of, I knew this man would be an important teacher for Little Man. He will help teach my son how to recognize what’s going on when his brain is freaking out, and what to do to make it happy (by using his intuition). No drugs required.

The more I can shift my thinking around from fear into excitement about the future, the better our lives become. Maybe Little Man’s life voyage plan was getting so off track that this gigantic course correction was necessary for him to get back on track. (And this is why I love writing – that epiphany literally just hit me). Sometimes, it takes an extreme amount of discomfort to move us to where we need to be.

Since I initially started writing this piece, just six days ago, I’ve learned about a local learning center that is geared towards independent learning. They have certified teachers who can work with the student to create a curriculum that is geared towards their interests. The teachers create lesson plans and follow-up with the student, keeping track of their progress, while the actual work is done at home. So far, this option appeals to me a lot because the pressure of curriculum would not be totally on me to figure out (although, if I find one we like, we can use it), and we would have a teacher handy to help out at any time. I’m still investigating our options, but this one is definitely a front-runner.

Stay tuned for our next adventure!


Posted in Holistic Healing, Mental Health, The Voyage | Tagged , , , , , | 5 Comments