When I was very young I had gut trouble from time to time. It felt like there was a war going on inside me. I can still remember sitting in pain, wishing it away time and time again. And eventually, things inside would shift and the pain would subside.
There was a war of sorts going on. Parts of my body were contracting painfully under pressure. I’m not sure how much of it was caused by things I ate and how much was me – empathically embodying conflict happening around me. I’ve always been keenly attuned to emotions around me, feeling my way through life. And there was a bit of conflict in my home growing up.
I’ve learned that conflict doesn’t have to be life-threatening all the time to affect a person deeply. A few deep jabs here and there. Not being respected, revered, or honored, but being bullied, taken advantage of, and outright abused takes a toll.
Thankfully, healing has made all the difference in my life.
With the recent outbreak of war on the other side of the world, I’ve been remembering healing sessions when diving into things like digestive difficulties and an unhappy gallbladder a few years ago took me into past lives.
I saw myself lying on the battlefield with a spear piercing my right abdomen. The wound eventually became septic as it slowly and painfully took my life. As I looked at my male body to get a sense of the time period, images flashed between a body clothed in animal skins and a body covered with pieces of armor. I’ve died on the battlefield in at least a few other lifetimes, and possibly several.
As I lay dying I remember being angry about dying for a cause I didn’t believe in. Having to fight for a leader I didn’t believe in. It felt like I was either conscripted or forced into fighting. The teaching that day was about authenticity: being authentic to myself. It was about healing lifetimes when I wasn’t able to be true to myself.
We live with the effects of war carried forward by our soul, resonating in our DNA. We recreate it within our bodies and externally in the world. And the only way to stop it is to heal.
Will there be a time when all wars will end and people will peacefully coexist? I truly don’t know. As long as we’re a playground for soul growth, all this war and conflict serves a purpose. But I believe we’re ascending and gradually evolving.
However, right here, right now, I’m sending the energy of love out to the world, while continuing to do what I can do to heal myself.