Having been following a spiritual path for the past few years, I have been taught things like, we create our reality. Our life is the way it is because we’ve helped to make it so.
When things are going well, I think people can agree that our life is good because we’ve made it good. But, who in the world would purposefully make their life crappy? Who would choose getting fired, or working in a job that they hate? Who would choose a sucky relationship?
Why would we put up with a life that is not full of peace and joy? Well, the other day I was thinking about this “thing” of how we create our reality, our life. And then I remembered that our beliefs influence our behaviors. And then something else clicked into place. That until our beliefs change, or shift, our behaviors will stay pretty much the same. The actual click was the “why” things don’t change until our beliefs change.
Lets take a classic example. As you are growing up, your parents constantly remind you that as long as you are doing what they want you to do: pick up your stuff, obey their rules, don’t give your little brother a black eye, etc., you are being a good girl or boy. And when you don’t do what your parents want you to do, you are “given consequences”: fancy talk for punishment. And you are a bad girl or boy.
What this does to your young brain that is in a very open theta state of brain wave, is drive home the belief that if you are toting that line and doing the “right” things, you are inherently “good.” But! If you deviate from what’s expected of you, you are “bad.” You are a bad person and depending on how deep a religious conviction you are raised with, you are headed to a fiery future after you die.
So, more stuff rains down on your young brain, and before you know it, you’ve internalized a lovely set of beliefs like, I’m essentially bad. I’m not worthy of having good things in my life. I don’t deserve to be happy. They can arrive in a variety of ways. And especially when they pop into your young mind, around ages 3-5 yrs. old, they can settle in quietly, beneath the chatter of every day life.
So, you put up with a crappy job and an unsatisfying relationship. But then one day, you get fired. You see this as a horrible day and you wonder how you’re going to scrape together next month’s rent. But, you read something that tells you that losing that sucky job was the universe’s way of giving you an opportunity to find something better. And you decided you don’t need that second 12-pack, feeling better about life.
With your new mindset, buoying you up, you interview for and get a better job. You have more responsibilities and earn more money. But soon, something deep inside of you becomes very uncomfortable, and you do whatever it takes to sabotage yourself and lose that job. The belief that you are not worthy of that good job and earning that much money, is so strong within you, that when life situations do not match your belief about yourself, you begin to feel very uncomfortable and unhappy. In order to feel good again, you bring your life back into alignment with your belief.
What most people don’t know, is when life gets better (you meet an incredible partner in life, you get a fulfilling job that earns more than you’ve ever earned) and within a few weeks you are not feeling so happy and good about things, instead of changing your life to match your beliefs, another option is to dig deep and figure out what the incongruous belief is. Find out how it got there, why it’s still there, and change it. This is how you can truly, honestly, create a new reality for yourself. A better, more peaceful reality. It’s been working for me.