Having been following a spiritual path for the past few years, I have been taught things like, we create our reality. Our life is the way it is because we’ve helped to make it so.
When things are going well, I think people can agree that our life is good because we’ve made it good. But, who in the world would purposefully make their life crappy? Who would choose getting fired, or working in a job that they hate? Who would choose a sucky relationship?
Why would we put up with a life that is not full of peace and joy? Well, the other day I was thinking about this “thing” of how we create our reality, our life. And then I remembered that our beliefs influence our behaviors. And then something else clicked into place. That until our beliefs change, or shift, our behaviors will stay pretty much the same. The actual click was the “why” things don’t change until our beliefs change.
Lets take a classic example. As you are growing up, your parents constantly remind you that as long as you are doing what they want you to do: pick up your stuff, obey their rules, don’t give your little brother a black eye, etc., you are being a good girl or boy. And when you don’t do what your parents want you to do, you are “given consequences”: fancy talk for punishment. And you are a bad girl or boy.
What this does to your young brain that is in a very open theta state of brain wave, is drive home the belief that if you are toting that line and doing the “right” things, you are inherently “good.” But! If you deviate from what’s expected of you, you are “bad.” You are a bad person and depending on how deep a religious conviction you are raised with, you are headed to a fiery future after you die.
So, more stuff rains down on your young brain, and before you know it, you’ve internalized a lovely set of beliefs like, I’m essentially bad. I’m not worthy of having good things in my life. I don’t deserve to be happy. They can arrive in a variety of ways. And especially when they pop into your young mind, around ages 3-5 yrs. old, they can settle in quietly, beneath the chatter of every day life.
So, you put up with a crappy job and an unsatisfying relationship. But then one day, you get fired. You see this as a horrible day and you wonder how you’re going to scrape together next month’s rent. But, you read something that tells you that losing that sucky job was the universe’s way of giving you an opportunity to find something better. And you decided you don’t need that second 12-pack, feeling better about life.
With your new mindset, buoying you up, you interview for and get a better job. You have more responsibilities and earn more money. But soon, something deep inside of you becomes very uncomfortable, and you do whatever it takes to sabotage yourself and lose that job. The belief that you are not worthy of that good job and earning that much money, is so strong within you, that when life situations do not match your belief about yourself, you begin to feel very uncomfortable and unhappy. In order to feel good again, you bring your life back into alignment with your belief.
What most people don’t know, is when life gets better (you meet an incredible partner in life, you get a fulfilling job that earns more than you’ve ever earned) and within a few weeks you are not feeling so happy and good about things, instead of changing your life to match your beliefs, another option is to dig deep and figure out what the incongruous belief is. Find out how it got there, why it’s still there, and change it. This is how you can truly, honestly, create a new reality for yourself. A better, more peaceful reality. It’s been working for me.
Life Is A Journey... Not A Guided Tour 
Awesome post! I so agree. In order to create the life we want, our deep down beliefs have to match that vision. It can take some ferreting, some work, but so worth it! Thanks for the reminder, M2M!
You’re welcome! I’ve been using a few different healing modalities to accomplish this type of work, and hypnotherapy is my favorite. For me it’s effective and efficient.
This is something I really need to work on, Sue. I have this deep-seated belief that I don’t deserve success. It’s really odd. Once I get to the end of something, I quit before I accomplish my final goals. I don’t know why those seeds were planted or how to change yet, but I at least recognize it. I would love to experience hypnotherapy to get to the root of my issues. By the way, have you ever though of writing a book? Your writing is always so insightful.
Darla, I love that you are able to recognize this in yourself. Most people go about their lives, completely unaware of why things don’t seem to work out over and over, and they often go into victim mode. Hypnotherapy is just one way to do this work. Mediation is a great way, too. I’ve never been good at regular meditation, which is why I love to have an appointment that I am required to keep. And I have been fortunate to have discovered a few different people not too far from my home, who are great hypnotherapists. You can go into mediation, and make the intention before hand to look at this belief you have and learn where it came from. It might take more than one session, but I bet you can do this. Just set the intention. (And it might have layers that need to be uncovered).
And yes, I have tossed around the idea of writing a book… one day. Not ready yet. But it would be very cool to do. To prepare, I’d probably take a writing class or two first.
It’s so important to envision your life, what you want… but you must believe in it. If you simply hope for, try to picture… it’s not the same thing. Nice post.