Falling Apart Or Rebuilding? TMI

Lately, I’ve been having some health challenges that lead me to wonder if I’m falling apart. After last summer’s broken foot, it became apparent that I have arthritis in both my knees, because after losing muscle tone in both legs and doing physical therapy to regain strength, my knees have been calling out to me – and not in good ways. After an x-ray on one knee, the meniscus (the cushion between the bones) showed up as torn, and that’s also when the doctor saw that pesky arthritis.

So, my wonderful physical therapist adjusted our plan of attack to strengthen the muscles that support the knee. And over the past few months my knees have been getting happier and happier.

Exhaustion has been a regular part of my life, and I brought it up to my doc (again). We had talked about this last spring and had planned to do a sleep study just when I broke my foot. So, 2 weeks ago, I did the sleep study and found out that I stop breathing about 76 times an hour throughout the night. Basically, my sleep is crap which is why I’m always tired. Any day now I’ll be getting my C-pap machine. Can’t wait!!

Then, about 2 months ago, I had some gastrointestinal distress. I thought it was because of some energy work I was doing, so I brushed it off. But it kept coming and going, and coming back again and again. Over the past 3-4 weeks it got worse, with ever-increasing trots (shits). I finally went to my doctor, and we did some tests with negative results. After that visit, things got even worse, and I could feel that my insides (and outsides) were getting pretty inflamed.

I wondered if the culprit was something I was eating, so we did a blood draw for a food sensitivity test (that I did 2 1/2 years ago, with positive results). I haven’t got those results yet, but I remembered one food that showed up on my previous test as slightly affecting me, but not enough to be considered a sensitivity. That food was eggs. I’ve been eating them just fine, but I stopped eating them just to see if it made a difference. Within 48 hours it was obvious that eggs were the culprit. It’s only been five days since I cut out eggs, but my system is worlds happier.

So, I was on my way to feeling good again when 3 days ago I threw out my back. Fortunately it’s just a muscle spasm and I haven’t totally destroyed the disc that I herniated 5 years ago. But it’s a big muscle and it’s damned miserable; spreading that misery down both legs.

And yesterday when I was walking very slowly around a store, all of a sudden one of my knees started to hurt. The one without the torn meniscus. WTF?? I was just walking slowly, gazing upon beautiful papers, and “Ouch!” As the day went on, my knee hurt more and more.

I swear, I am freaking falling apart. I can’t eat dairy or eggs. My back is a mess, as are my knees. And my sleep is crap. Welcome to the very late 40’s.

I got to thinking about how I seem to be falling apart, and then I wondered, what if I’m just rebuilding? I’ve read that the extra DNA that scientists like to call junk DNA is now activating. What if my body is becoming sensitive to certain foods to force me to change what I eat? To eat more healthfully? What if I’ve had to recover from injury to remind me that I have this physical body with all sorts of muscles that need to stay strong? And all of the regular physical therapy is to get me into a regular routine of getting back in touch with these muscles that need to be used more than just once in a blue moon. What if all of this breaking down is a ploy to get me back in shape?

I have definitely noticed that not being able to walk or pick up a stick of firewood has made me appreciate my body for when it could jog 3 miles and lift a 32 gallon trash can half filled with ice cubes. It has made me long for that strong, flexible body that I know I can have again in time.

So, am I falling apart or merely rebuilding? I choose the latter. I am very much aware that our bodies were originally designed to work perfectly, and are self-healing. It might take time, but I know I’ll get there eventually.

About mariner2mother

I'm a mother of a creative 20 year old son, a former merchant ship's deck officer, and a wife. To feed my creative side I take photos. I am also Reiki attuned and am a student of Energy Healing, having used several healing modalities to work on myself and my family. My most recent adventure has me navigating a very challenging Kundalini Awakening.
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10 Responses to Falling Apart Or Rebuilding? TMI

  1. Boy what a list you have there! I sympathize so much with you. You sound like me. There is always something acting up. But I really like your outlook about rebuilding rather than falling apart. Our bodies like to remind us that they are in charge sometimes and we need to listen to them. Hope you feel better soon.

  2. Cathy Ulrich says:

    It is temporary, Susan. I know this for you!

    • Thanks Cathy. I think once I get my C-pap and have some really restorative sleep, everything will improve in leaps and bounds. Lately, it’s been 2-3 hours of sleep maximum at a stretch, a few of these stretches per night. Appreciate your vote of confidence!

  3. emjayandthem says:

    Rebuilding! I am also sensitive to dairy and gluten and I (try to ) focus on what I CAN have vs. what I can’t. There’s days I handle it better than others and there’s days I eat it anways, knowing full well what the fallout will be. You do so much for everyone else, just know, it’s perfectly OK to put even 1/2 of that effort into taking care of you (lesson I had to learn the hard way, too)

    Here’s to treating ourselves with love & care, getting restorative sleep, saying “no” to what doesn’t work for us, and accepting all the good that comes with just those 3 steps!!


  4. I love that you’re able to turn this around and approach it positively. I’ve had a difficult year, health wise, and there are times when I really struggle with the emotions of that. C-paps are really tough! They make all the difference in getting good sleep, but are such a machine to contend with! My bff has one and when I visit her, the machine is always present at night. Weight issues are her poison, and we’ve spent lots of time talking about grappling with that demon… it leads to so many other issues with joints and health. I had my meniscus repaired and they found very extensive arthritis. Admittedly, it was a little depressing… I’m trying to just get in better shape and work around the days that are a challenge. I empathize with you!

    You are still very young, and I know you can overcome all of this. If it is rebuilding, that implies that there is the possibility of renewal and positive change. That certainly is a step in the right direction! I wish you well on this new journey!

  5. You crack me up when you tell me that I am still very young. I know that in the overall scheme of things I am, but turning 50 in just over 7 months leaves me uncertain about how I feel about that milestone. As for the C-pap, I slept with one at the sleep center so they could figure out how much pressure I’ll need for my own unit, and that short, interrupted night of sleep left me quite rested and looking forward to my own machine. And the mask was extremely comfortable (the new ones are more and more comfortable). I’ve done so much work around the issues behind my weight that I’m hoping I’ll be able to slim down once I’m not exhausted all the time.

    I’ve learned that every situation has at least 2 different perspectives, and I’m purposefully looking for the positive side of things in my life. It’s developing this habit that is helping me to heal some childhood wounds and to not create new ones.

    As for the knees, I plan to keep exercising and using energy work to heal them and keep them comfortable.

    Thanks for reading and commenting.

  6. BigLizzy says:

    My Sweetheart, S, I’m so soooo sorry that you are having such struggles. With your sensitivity and awareness, physical ailments are much more intense and lasting, unfortunately. You and I are so wired the same, sister. I mean it. This could easily be my post, too. Stress is extra devastating for girls like us. But, I really like how you are spinning this for yourself and transforming the messages that you send to your body.

    This is a healing crisis. This is a re-set and yes, it is how your body is telling you what she needs. You are doing a tremendous job of listening and attending to her needs, honey. You are doing everything right. Keep it up, babe. You will figure this out and you will pull free of it.

    I also love that you know that any bodily condition can be healed no matter how severe. It’s all about consciousness and focus. You get it.

    I love you, sis. Am sending lots of loving beings and energy over to help you in three….two…one… 🙂

    • Love you Lizzy! Thanks for the support. I picked up my c-pap today and she’s a beauty! The latest and greatest, and whisper quiet. I can’t wait to go to bed tonight! And, I got results from the food sensitivity test. No dairy, eggs, or peanuts for 4 weeks. Then I meet with my doc to talk about reintroducing (or not) some of these foods to see how I react. Dairy has been out for about 2 1/2 years and I’ll likely keep it that way. I might be able to get away with eating an egg a week, or less. And I don’t eat peanuts very often, so I’m not concerned about them.

      With the anticipation of restful sleep, I expect all sorts of great things coming my way!!

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