A Message From The Universe

I’ve been taking a class, where we are learning how to communicate with spirit. The other day, we were learning how to communicate with our Spirit Guides. For those who don’t know, when we are born, we have beings not in physical form, who are with us, to help and guide us along our way in life. Some of these beings are called Spirit Guides. They may have lived a physical life at one time, or not. And they are here for you. We have several guides that can help us. We may have a primary one or two, who stay with us for our entire lives; and then other ones can pop in as needed, for shorter periods of time, while you’re working on a particular lesson. An author might have a guide who comes in to assist with writing. And a composer may have a guide who comes in when they are writing music. One thing about them though, is that you have to ask for their help. They won’t stick their nose into your business, uninvited.

So there I was, sitting with my eyes closed, listening to my teacher, as she ran us through a guided meditation. That’s fancy talk for… picture yourself on a deserted sandy beach, with warm winds blowing past your face. Did you “see” the sandy beach? Did you feel the sun warming you? Did you sense the warm breeze? It’s that simple. Guided mediation is when you listen to what’s being told and you use your imagination to go there.

She asked us to call forward one of our guides. I cheated a little bit. I have done some work with my teacher in private, and one of my guides had come to help out. She had described him to me and told me his name.  Armed with this information, I decided to call forth my Healing Guide, Archer. He was described to me as looking like Robin Hood, dressed all in green, with a bow and arrow. From that description, I had an image of him in my mind, like Robin Hood of the movies back in the 30′s. And for some reason, I guess because he’s with me only in spirit, I figured he was little, like an elf or sprite. Here’s where it got interesting.

I was sitting, eyes closed, asking Archer to come forward, not really expecting anything, and soon enough, I sensed a large man in front of me. The reason I realized this was not coming from my imagination, was his size. He was BIG! We’re talking, Hulk Hogan big. Our teacher had us ask our guide a series of questions, including how long they had been with us. In a nano second I got, “Forever.” Cool! Then I realized how deep his voice was. I didn’t imagine him with such a deep voice. Wow! I wasn’t making this up. In my mind, I told Archer that I wanted to be able to hear him audibly, in my head. Some people can do this.

In receiving my request, an answer immediately came back loud and clear: trust. The pictures and knowings, hearing and feelings I have been picking up are subtle. So subtle that I often ask myself, am I just making this up? Is it just my imagination? He told me to trust that what I think is my intuition speaking to me, is indeed, that.

Earlier in class that morning, one exercise had us see ourselves sitting on our knee, then on a shoulder, then in our heart and finally in our head. When I put myself in my heart, for some strange reason, I became emotional. Fast forward to the exercise with Archer. As soon as I heard- trust- I knew in a moment that what I had discovered in my heart was some old issue about not trusting myself. Then, Archer went behind me, said that he had my back, and went to work clearing that old mistrust out of my heart.

I have to trust myself. For so long, I was made to think I was wrong, and I learned to not trust my instinct, to not trust my intuition. When people who are older than you, fuck mess with your head from the time you are old enough to suckle, you learn to not trust yourself, your intuition. Being in a place of not trusting yourself is a bad place to be.

Fortunately, with regards to trusting myself, I’m getting better and better at it. Once in a while, someone may try to dupe or bamboozle me. But I check in with my left (rational) and right (intuitive) brains and know what’s true and right. Then I usually get pissed for a little while. Partly at myself for not trusting me; and partly at them for being an idiot. When I’m specifically practicing using my intuition, the more I trust myself, the more good information I get. And by the time I no longer doubt myself when I’m communicating with spirit, that’s probably when I’ll start to hear spirit loud and clear in my mind’s ear.

The Passing Of An Era

She’s gone. My Aunt passed away, early this morning in her sleep, surrounded by loved ones. She had been on hospice merely a few weeks. And the first thing that popped into my head about her death was how proud I am of her. She was an elegant lady in life (and beautiful), and chose to spend the last part of her life in an equally elegant way. She chose hospice. No extraordinary, painful, invasive, sickness-inducing medical interventions. Elegance to the end.

I was wondering if I could connect with her spirit, and as I was walking down the driveway, I had a conversation in my head with her. It’s that simple. And a while later, I was sitting at my computer, occasionally gazing out the window at the snow, gently falling, and my thoughts once again, turned to my Aunt. She told me to tell her husband that she loves him. I mentioned that he knows she loved him. And she said to be sure to tell him that she loves him still. So he gets the message that she’s still here and her love is still here, and will always be here. That did it. The dam burst. I was a mess of tears. I’ll write him a letter.

She passed away in the manner that I think most of us aspire to: with comfort and peace, surrounded by ones we love.

My Spider Phobia

Yesterday, I had another Akashic Record Healing session with one of my favorite local psychics, Jill. She defines an Akashic Record Healing as follows: In this type of healing, essential energy that is missing from your energy space will be retrieved.  Why is it missing?  Because at different times during your life, you may have given up a part of yourself or been psychically wounded.  This may have happened during a painful or emotional event or at a time when you gave up your power to another person.  You may also have “soul” energy that become stuck and was left behind in other lifetimes.  During the healing, I connect with one of your spirit guides and together we travel to the Akashic Records to retrieve this valuable information. These energy “packets” may have been missing from your energy space for quite some time.  This information is then brought back, returned to your energy body, and integrated back into your chakras, energy channels and/or aura, bringing that part of your energy system into proper balance.

So, a person might have been abused as a child and had some of their essential energy taken by another person. Jill goes into a light trance and basically uses one of your guides to get it back. She talks about the energetics of the situation, so you can get a big picture view of what went on.

That said, near the end of our session, she asked me if I had any other questions. As an afterthought, I said that I had always wondered if I had died from a spider bite, because spiders freak me out. Not all of them, but some kinds. And if I find one, any one, on my body, forget it. Total freak out.

In fact, just this past week, I pulled up to our mailbox in my car, opened it up, grabbed the mail, and a spider that had been in the box ended up on my leg. There I was, pulled out of the driveway into our country road (with very little traffic, thank goodness), sidled up to the mailbox, facing oncoming potential traffic, freaking out because a spider was on my leg. I had to either kill it or get it out of my car- NOW! I ended up killing it. But even having the dead body in the car was a little bit unsettling.

Jill went back into her light trance, and the next thing, she was tuning into a lifetime I had lived a long time ago, in Egypt. When she tuned in, I was in my early 20′s, was newly married, had a warm and loving family, was living comfortably with servants, and was quite beautiful. With all that I had going for me, I lived with the idea of “things are too good- when is the other shoe going to drop.” I wasn’t able to just accept and enjoy my good life. For some reason, I believe that I felt I didn’t deserve it all. One morning, I went outside, sat down, and a very poisonous spider bit me on the left calf. I died within an hour from the bite.

Jill said that she felt the burning of my calf. As soon as she said that I was bitten on my left calf, I tried to think if I had any marks there, such as a mole, birthmark, or the like. Then I realized that the physical sensation in my left calf is altered because of nerve damage. Three and a half years ago, I severely herniated a disc in my lower back, resulting in the most painful sciatica I’d every had. When my calf was in pain, it was excruciating, intense, burning pain. Probably like what the spider bite felt like. Coincidence? I think not.

Just to make sure I don’t attract something like that into my life again, I try to stay in a place of gratitude. I am thankful for my family and life circumstances today. I am thankful that I’m not dealing with that horrible pain any more. And it’s all right and good. The chances of my being bitten and killed by a poisonous spider, where I live now, are very slim.

Last night, as I was lying on my bed, reading to my Little Man (getting some quality one-on-one time), I glanced over to my right arm, and what was on it, but a small, black, harmless spider. Did my phobia go away? Am I now cured of the heebeejeebees? Heck no! I freaked, but was calm enough to grab some tissues and kill the bugger! Then I jumped up with a big shudder. Sometimes the universe just needs a good laugh.

Lessons In Legos

I never know where inspiration will strike. Or when. But lately, it’s been brought on by Legos. Yup. Those colorful building blocks that my son can’t seen to get enough of right now. I keep seeing analogies to life in them. For instance, the building pieces come in a variety of shapes and sized, as do people. And if you make something and don’t like it, change it.

Most recently, it was when my son was building a Lego train set that he bought just after Christmas, with his Christmas money. I was hesitant to let him get this set because it was rated for ages fourteen and older. The kid is only 9. Yes, he’s pretty good at building things. But with his attentional challenges and propensity to want to skip over some steps along the way, along with visual issues that contribute to missing a step here or there, I was not convinced this whole idea was going to be a good one.

After putting a few pieces in the wrong place (by one of those little blips), things started to go wrong. I intervened and helped cause a minor meltdown. After I forced Little Man to go take a break while I figured out where he went wrong, and fixed it, he got back to the build. A short while later, he was getting frustrated yet again. This time I decided that since he hadn’t wanted my help the first time, I wasn’t going to get involved. Bingo! Life lesson reminder! It’s his life and his struggle. I can’t take it all away or do it all for him. He has to figure it out.

I regret not capturing the original build. This was a rebuild- lots of mom help- done several days later.

It’s his life build. If the life train doesn’t come out perfectly, that’s ok. He had a few hiccups along the way, and the finished product didn’t come out exactly as on the box. But he was able to make his own modifications so that it worked. The train looks like a steam engine (which was what’s important to Little Man), and it goes around the track without derailing. And he did it himself. Goal accomplished.

The next day, I read something about taking things one small step at a time. Bingo! Another one! To put together that big set of over 1000 bricks, you need to take it one brick at a time, piece by piece. And you may need to take a minute to get organized before you start actually building. For some parts of the build, you need to make something that may involve 4 to 10 bricks, and then put that piece onto what you are building. But it’s all just one small step at a time, especially when things are big and complicated, like life.

Because Little Man was so worn out by building the engine and tender, the next morning, I helped put together the passenger car. Teamwork.

This passenger car was built by both me and Little Man.

Just a quick afterthought. Yes, I let Little Man struggle through building the engine and tender. Several days later, he was quite bummed out that they were not right, and he asked for my help. I obliged, and the photo above, of the engine and tender, is the result of that later effort. Another lesson: it’s ok to ask for help, and it’s ok to give it.

What a Difference a Year Makes

As we are coming down the home stretch of 2011, I thought it appropriate to see what was going on a year ago, and what I was writing about. The entry last December was Trying To Find More Pieces Of The Puzzle : still trying to figure out just what was making Little Man so miserable about school- every… single… day. Today, I have a much better insight into some reasons why school is such a challenge for him. Unfortunately, the school can’t really do very much about some of these things, if they even would believe me or understand it all.

My son is very sensitive and very intuitive. Some people call these children Crystal Children. His brain thinks in some different ways. He has difficulty with our linear concept of time. The more I read, the more I realize that it’s only because of our left brain that we perceive time as being linear. His brain is actually ahead of the curve, as far as the evolution of our species. (See what I mean about- if the school would even believe me?)

He has Sensory Processing Disorder for a reason. With his sensitive skin, he is amazing when it comes to feeling energy. He has the makings of a tremendously talented Energy Healer, if he so chooses. He has trouble maintaining focus when something doesn’t interest him (school). That will be a challenge he’ll have to learn to deal with. With the huge amount of energy packed into his little body, it’s no surprise he can have some trouble maintaining focus- especially when he’s forced to sit in one place for an hour or more. (His nickname, earned as a toddler, was Motor Boy).

Costumes are not just for Halloween.

He obsesses about things. As much as this trait can drive me nuts from time to time, it gives him the drive and stick-to-it-ivness that will serve him well at some point in his life. His sensitivity extends to his intuition. He picks up vibes from other people very easily, whether he wants to or not (at this point). It gives him the ability to read people very accurately. He’s a human lie detector. But in school, soaking up all those vibes, he needs to get outside and clear himself out (as well as run off excess energy) on a regular basis. I’ll have to have a chat with his teacher in the next week or two, as Little Man has been missing a lot of recesses that he’s not supposed to miss (courtesy of his 504 Plan), to get caught up with work. And when he’s receptive, I’ll teach him some Energy techniques to help him handle his clairsentience.

He is more than creative. When he watches TV or a video online, he has to be part of the action. He doesn’t just sit and watch. He’s making something, or building something so he can participate in what he’s watching or has just watched. These days, the building mostly involves Legos. And it often involves water: in my kitchen sink, in a plastic tub on the floor, in the bathtub, or in the stream behind the house. Because he can’t tie a knot yet, there is usually tape and string involved. I buy my tape in bulk. Any time we have a good-sized box around, it is always turned into a race car or Titanic.

"A Power Ranger figure frozen like a fossil from the ice age."

Unfortunately, he has very few creative outlets in school. They have no art or music teacher. Any art or music they do is dependent on the classroom teacher. And his teacher this year doesn’t do much art, and does no music at all.

Indiana Jones' car from Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.

Over the past year, I’ve learned so much about my Little Man. Lots of pieces of the puzzle have been revealed to me. School will continue to be a challenge for a while yet. But at least when school is getting him down and making him feel dumb, I know better and tell him all about it. He knows he’s different from his classmates. He knows he has big-time abilities and that he rocks! His time to shine will come.

 

Middle Aged Thoughts and Ramblings

I guess I’m there. Middle aged. By the calendar I’m there.  Yup, I’m admitting that I’m 47. What sparked this rambling? Well, I was downtown with the kid in the minivan (yes! a minivan that I proudly refer to as my Mom-Mobile), and I stepped on the brake in preparation for putting the car into reverse, when I realized I hadn’t turned on the motor yet. And it’s not the first time I’ve done this. I’ve even put the car in drive when I was in the garage, meaning to put it into reverse… and it took me two times of stepping on the gas and then immediately braking to figure out what was wrong! Are you scared yet?

This past summer, I got totally fed up with the whole rigamorole of coloring my hair (from the time it took, to having to remember to buy the box of color, to hoping they had my color in stock, to the stink and stinging on my scalp, to seeing dark roots 2 weeks later), so I dumped it. I have stopped coloring my hair. Thank goodness I kind of like the salt and pepper thing. Although, for some reason, on a guy it makes him look like a stud. I’m getting used to it on me, and feel like I look wiser now. Like I’ve been around the block a time or two and haven’t just fallen off the turnip truck. This, in fact is true. I’ve never even been on a turnip truck.

I noticed last night, as I looked in the mirror, that when I smile, I have crinkles (sounds much better than wrinkles) around my eyes. Not to bad, I thought. Smile lines. But, the droopy skin under my chin (exacerbated by being quite heavy) isn’t quite so cute. Oh well. The skin is getting thinner. All part of the process.

The glasses have become bifocals, and the joints are getting creakier: back, knees, hips, a finger or two now and then. Much to my surprise, I found out about two years ago, that I have arthritis in my back and hips (and who knows where else). But most of the time, the joints are quiet and don’t talk to me. Once in a while, one will bark at me. There again, all part of the process.

But then why, when my body obviously ages, do I still feel like the same me that I’ve always been at my essence? Sure I’ve matured and learned a heck of a lot in the time I’ve been here. And my memory occasionally fails me. But the me that is me, still seems like the me that climbed trees as a kid. I’m still the girl who loves to feel wind whipping her face as dark clouds go roiling by. I still have the urge to help people. I still love music. Puppies still totally melt me. And when I’m driving down a country highway behind a red sports car that is doing 7 mph below the speed limit, I still get peeved. Why would anyone buy a sports car, especially a red one, and then drive it like it’s an old jaloppy?

What is it that is this me? That is my personality? I’m sure a lot of philosophers and thinkers call it a variety of things. And I have even wondered what becomes of this “me” when I get really old- we’re talking old age, not just middle aged- and die? Is it just lights out- game over? End of story? And how to find out what happens, when I’m not dead yet (said in my best British Monty Python accent), and I haven’t died to experience it for myself?

Well, I just happen to have a dear friend who has died twice (and came back both times). And I just finished reading two books that used mediums to interview people who are dead. [Conversations with Jerry and Other People I Thought Were Dead, by Irene Kendig, and Party of Twelve: The Afterlife Interviews, by Barbara With.] With these sources as my reference, I can unequivocally say, without doubt, that when I get really old and die, it’s not lights out- game over. The me that is me will still exist. Phew! What a relief.

The Two By Four Upside My Head

Life speaks to us in many ways. Most of the time, it whispers. If you’re paying attention, you’ll hear it. If you choose to ignore it, the volume gets turned up. In my case, one of the ways life was speaking to me was in my lower back. Every so often I would aggravate it. And then, one day, I could barely move. So, I was introduced to a chiropractor who was amazing. After a few visits, I could move and walk again. I would go now and then for “tune ups.”

Then, several years later, I experienced what I have heard referred to, as the two by four upside the head. In my case, it came in the form of an eight foot long piece of 2×8 lumber. Life had a big lesson in store for me; and to turn me in the right direction, I was severely incapacitated by a majorly herniated disc in my lower back. I picked up the plank, twisted, and threw it. The next day I couldn’t get out of bed. This lead to months of excruciating pain, a few different physical therapists, a doctor who wasn’t very effective at pain management, and the discovery of a wonderful physiatrist and an equally wonderful physical therapist.

A year and a half later, 3 cortisone shots and 4 rounds of PT with the wonderful physical therapist, later, my back was much better. But it didn’t take anything to put me back into a place of excruciating pain and debilitation. I can totally see how people get hooked on narcotic pain meds when they have a back like mine. If I hadn’t had a kindergartener to take care of (and single-handedly, every other week), I probably would have become one of those statistics. And if I had been working a job where I was paid, I would have ended up on disability.

But, my path was to lead me to find another way to get out of pain. Along the way, I stumbled across an Energy Therapist and was intrigued by her offer of a free consultation. Since I’d been struggling with my weight for my entire adult life (and tried everything), I decided to go for this free consultation. A few months later, this woman had cleared a pile of emotions that had become physically trapped in my body, causing big time aggravation in my lower back. She taught me that when we don’t fully process emotions, and stuff them down, they lodge in areas of our physical body. Pretty radical, huh?

Along the way, I learned that my digestive woes, excess weight, bad back, migraine headaches, and other assorted aches and creaks, were all directly related to emotions that had come up during my lifetime, that were not processed. Are all of these issues hunky dory now? Not perfect, but worlds better for sure. And I am learning how to affect my own healing.

Let them flow, and let them go.

Dr. Bradley Nelson’s book, The Emotion Code, speaks directly to this issue: emotions that have been trapped, causing physical pain and disease. And even though I know from my own personal experience, the damage and healing that can take place because of emotions that were stuck and then freed, I recently came across another book that offers evidence of this, and describes it more fully.

Irene Kendig’s, Conversations with Jerry and Other People I Thought Were Dead, is eye-opening. Mind blowing. Totally enlightening. Irene got together with Jana Anna, a spiritual medium, to interview seven friends and family members of Irene’s who now reside in the non-physical world. Their bodies have died, but they are very much still here, and share their wisdom.

What struck me in particular, was how several of the interviewees spoke of how they had not allowed certain emotions to flow, when they were alive. In most cases, they were taught from a young age, that feeling certain emotions such as anger and sadness, was bad. And as such, were not ok to feel.

They refer to emotion as just another form of energy, that exists in motion. Emotion= E nergy+ motion. It is when this energy is blocked (as is the case with all of our bodies’ energies), that pain and then disease are created.

Take it from Jared, a dear friend of Irene’s son. Jared passed over in his late 20′s, after having injured his back at 23, had 2 surgeries, and spent the rest of his short life on narcotic pain medications. He died as a result of internal organ failure. But when he passed out of his body, he was able to receive significant healing. He was also taught about how his inability to process his emotions contributed to his demise.

A direct quote from Conversations with Jerry and Other People I Thought Were Dead (pg. 148) has Jared responding to a question of how suppressing his feelings affected his physical body. “I mentioned previously that my parents were uncomfortable with certain emotions- disappointment, frustration, sadness, grief, and anger- so, as Physical Jared, I judged these as bad and didn’t allow myself to fully express them. Energy moves through the body when we express emotions. Judging them as bad stopped the flow, and instead of being released, the energy of these emotions stagnated in my body, like water trapped in a clogged drain. I spent more and more energy trying to keep these emotions at bay, yet they continued to build up. This stagnant energy was gumming up the works and eventually expressed itself as pain and illness. It’s the flow of emotion that keeps the life force moving smoothly through our bodies. Emotion is energy in motion.”

And that was just one nugget from a book full of gold.

What did I get out of all of this? Disease is caused by blocked energy. And emotions are another form of energy. Not allowing them to run their course, can and will contribute to physical pain and disease. Nowadays, I try like crazy to not judge emotions, but to let them flow in and then out. Hanging onto anger, getting stuck in fear, and plotting revenge are sure fire ways to do more than ruin my day. They could grow a tumor in me!

My Son, My Teacher

Lately, I have learned that we choose to come into physical form (life) in order to learn life lessons. And that we pre-arrange to learn them with a group of people who hang with us from lifetime to lifetime: our soul group. This may come as a surprise, but I lived a life a long time ago, in which my son was my mother, and I was his son. I was high functioning autistic, and had a thing for bugs. My mother and I got along quite well in that lifetime, with she, encouraging my love for and interest in bugs. In this current lifetime, my son and I get along quite famously; and I fully support his obsession interest in trains and all things transportation.

Little Man loves trains!

So, I have figured out a few reasons why we decided that I would be his mom this time around. And other than being mother detective, learning to figure him out- as much as I am here for him, he is here for me; for me to learn some lessons.

One lesson that was revealed to me during a hypnosis session almost two years ago, is that we each have our own paths to walk through our life. Our own lessons to learn. At the time, my son was having a very difficult time with school, and he would cry about it every day. I tried this and that and everything I could think of, so school wasn’t such a torturous affair for him every day. Then, along came the revelation during my hypnosis session. (Things that came up during hypnosis sessions had direct relevance to things that were going on in my life at the time). I finally truly understood, down to my core, that there were things that my son had to learn on his own.

He had to deal with expectations and the format of how learning is taught in our school system. That was something that I could support him in, but I could not do for him. It was more than difficult for me, as mom, to see my son cry about school every single day. I learned a few more things about him, and made a few changes so that he was not totally and completely overwhelmed. But in the end, he had to do the work.

Learning this lesson has also taught me to be able to step back from struggles of friends and family. I know that I can help somewhat, if the person asks. But I can not take away their struggle, nor learn their lesson for them. It will be there for them until they “get it.” During this process, I am learning where I end, where my responsibilities stop, and where others’ begin. People like me who feel deep empathy for others, need to know where these boundaries are.

The moral of this story is, if you have someone in your life that you care deeply about, and you want to rescue them from their pain and struggle, it is incumbent upon you to recognize and respect their lesson. Is it easy? Absolutely not. But, struggles and difficulties are in our lives as opportunities to learn: patience, forgiveness, compassion, love, self-empowerment and more. To rise above and go beyond. Yes, be there for them, but be aware enough to let them do their work.

A Clairvoyant Moment

We all have them, clairvoyant moments. but a lot of us blow them off or don’t listen to or honor them. Well, I had one several days ago that I couldn’t ignore (like the day my son was born).

I have been taking a class that introduces me to a variety of forms of metaphysical energy, such as earth energies and cosmic energies. I am finding the class fascinating and a lot of fun. We do exercises and spend time paying attention to subtle things. We tune into ourselves and each other.

As we were sitting in class, there arose such a clatter that after almost a minute, it became difficult to ignore. It was the huge, industrial heater that keeps the place warm. The place that was originally a warehouse space, now beautifully transformed into a handful of smaller rooms and a larger open area, as office, workshop and class space. You see, when the heater first starts up, and when it shuts down, it makes a racket. Most of the time, this noisy intermediate stage doesn’t last very long. But that morning, the rattle and clatter seemed to go on for quite a while.

As we were sitting with our eyes closed, listening to our teacher, she guided us through various different imageries, and all of a sudden, the words “rubber gasket” popped into my head. Yes, before class we had been standing around discussing what could be wrong with this behemoth heater. But, at this particular moment, I was deep in thought about something far from diagnosing a piece of loud machinery. It was distracting. “Rubber gasket.” There it was again! “Ok,” I thought. “I get it!” “Rubber gasket.”Ok! Enough already! I get it!” Rubber gasket would-not-leave-me-alone!!

Finally, when our teacher paused for a moment, I opened my eyes, barely able to put 2 thoughts together, put a hand half-way up (really not wanting to interrupt everyone’s train of thought), pointed to the heater, pointed to my head, and said, “Rubber gasket will not leave me alone!” “I’m sorry, but the words rubber gasket keep going through my head and they will not leave me alone.” There. I got it out. Phew! Finally the words stopped and we went back to our guided imagery.

After class, I spoke to the teacher about what had happened, and she said I might be right about why the heater is so loud. She’s going to have someone come in and check it out. (And heck ya! I’m curious to see what is found out.)

These moments happen to all of us. Maybe not in such an obvious way. But, if you get a thought or an idea that keeps coming to you, no matter how subtle it is (and most of the time, they are very subtle), pay attention. It’s the little voice in the back of your mind. It’s your higher wisdom whispering (or possibly shouting) to you. As long as it’s not something that feels wrong or very off to you, honor it. That is clairvoyance.

Letter to Teacher: Little Man 101

After having had our student teacher conference the other week, my little man is still having a tough time going to school. Some days are tougher than others; while once in a while, he actually goes off with only a whimper of, “I don’t want to go to school,” as he climbs into my car.

So, I wonder, what’s next? Then the idea strikes: I need to create a brief instruction manual for my son’s teacher. Little Man 101. It will explain him as much as I can, give specific directions as far as how to motivate him, and also give specifics as to what to not do (or he will shut down and turn all his anger and frustration inward). So, here goes.

Little Man 101

Dear Teacher,

I wanted to write this primer on my son because there were a few things that we discussed during the parent teacher conferences, that let me know that as much as you are figuring him out, there are still some gaps in your knowledge of him: why he does some things that he does, and ways to handle and motivate him.

First of all, I want you to know that I appreciate very much your teaching him. I appreciate what hard work it is to have to take on 26 developing little bodies with each of their personalities and different ways of learning.

Background

My Little Man is very sensitive (empathetic, and compassionate). What I mean by that, is his emotional radar is always on high power. He picks up on what others around him are feeling. He is a built-in lie detector. A fellow student (or faculty) can say one thing, but mean something else, and he’ll get the feeling more than the words. Because of this, getting a break from the classroom every few hours is a necessity. It can be tiring and even overwhelming some days.

Little Man, as you know, has Sensory Processing Disorder. What this means in the classroom, is that his brain, when analogized to an engine, doesn’t always run up to speed. When one or more of his spark plugs aren’t sparking, he becomes dis-regulated. Things that help his regulation [ability to process his world and think well] are things that give him proprioceptive and vestibular input.

What is proprioception? It is one of our 7 senses that most people don’t know about. Proprioceptive receptors are located in the joints and ligaments, allowing for motor control and posture. The proprioceptive system tells the brain where the body is in relation to other objects and how to move. Those who are hyposensitive crave input; they love jumping, bumping and crashing activities, as well as deep pressure such as that provided by tight bear hugs.

That is why Little Man sits on a therapy ball; so he can move and bounce. When he is bouncing and moving a lot, it’s because he is needing more input in order to be able to think. So, instead of admonishing him to not bounce so much, send him on an errand to the office, or to the boy’s room and tell him to get a drink of water from the bubbler. Just getting out of the classroom and the simple act of walking, will help him greatly. If you can’t give him a break at that moment, let him know you’ll give him one as soon as you can- and that will let him know that relief is on the way.

What is vestibular? It is another of our 7 senses that most people don’t know about. The vestibular receptors, located in the inner ear; tell the brain where the body is in space by providing the information related to movement and head position. These are key elements of balance and coordination, among other things. Those with hyposensitivity are in constant motion; crave fast, spinning and/or intense movement, and love being tossed in the air and jumping on furniture and trampolines.

Our home is like a sensory gym for Little Man. He spins using our swing or an office chair. He lives to jump on trampolines, uses his hop ball and constantly jumps on our furniture. When he’s at school, the only time he gets vestibular input is at recess. Recess also gives him great proprioceptive input. THIS is why it is so very important for him to get as much recess as possible.

His sense of touch is hypersensitive- so having kids brushing or bumping up against him is a huge irritant. That is why sitting an area of low traffic is best for him: and I thank you for where you’ve got his desk. Every day when he gets home from school, the first thing he does is take off his shoes, socks, and pants. Every… single… day.

Having the school bell right outside the classroom door has added an extra challenge for him this year. With his hearing issues, going out the door just as the bell rings, is very painful to his ears, and sets up a response in him where every time he goes out the classroom door, he’s afraid the bell will ring. [When he was a very little guy, the security panels that stand at the entrance to every store door, became a nightmare for him. After being surprised by a store alarm, he wouldn't walk into stores; I would have to carry him as he shivered in fear of the alarm going off. Even today, he hesitates going into stores, having to run past the security panels, in fear of the potential of the alarm sounding.]

When your senses perceive the world around you as something that is scary, and untrustworthy, it is very common to have anxiety. Little Man has a lot of anxiety at home regarding school. He fears that he’ll do something wrong and get in trouble and lose recess. He fears your disapproval. He fears being different from other kids, and they’ll laugh at him. He fears being embarrassed. He fears losing his therapy ball to sit on, because there are times when he really needs to bounce a lot.

How to Help & What Does Not Help

How do you recognize that his motor is running slow and he is heading toward dis-regulation? He is bored, can’t concentrate, is looking out the window and is daydreaming. If you catch him in this state, please don’t bring the class’ attention to him. When you know he has not been paying attention, don’t ask him a question about what you’ve just been teaching, knowing that he won’t know the answer (a common tactic when I was in school). This is humiliating. Just a firm squeeze of the shoulder or a tap on his desk will bring him back. Be aware that when he’s like this, it’s an indicator that his body and brain are not well-regulated. What he physically needs is a free pass to take a walk and let his brain get regulated.

Positive verbal feedback from you goes a long way with this child. It boosts his fragile ego quite a bit. [School makes him feel like a dummy- his words.]

Just be aware that if you have to admonish or discipline the class as a whole, Little Man will take it personally and will take it to heart.

And as previously mentioned, if  Little Man is bouncing on his therapy ball a bit, it’s because he physically needs to at that moment (or to do some other activity to help him regulate). You would never deny a diabetic child their insulin if they needed it. I see this as a very similar situation.

In Conclusion

A child with Sensory Processing Disorder spends much more energy and effort just trying to keep it together throughout a school day. Having to sit, stay focused, write, pay attention with visual and auditory systems that aren‘t necessarily well-regulated, and actually learn and retain information is more difficult than for the average child. And most of this effort to appear “normal” will go unnoticed by the untrained and uneducated eye.

As the parent of such a child, I have to walk the fine line between pushing my child to do his work, and knowing when he’s dis-regulated and can‘t do any more. I have had to learn to recognize his behavior so I know if he’s being willful or if he’s overloaded and overwhelmed (for the uneducated, they can look the same). Since he was 2, Little Man has had speech therapy, occupational therapy, physical therapy, vision therapy and neurotherapy. He has come worlds from where he was as a toddler, and we will likely need to re-visit (private) physical therapy and vision therapy, because I see areas where he still needs more help.

It's a balancing act.

Thank you for taking the time and effort that you give my son in school. I appreciate your kind, compassionate and respectful support of him.