Guest Post: Aligning With The Highest Self Through Hypnotherapy

The beautiful Liz Casey over on Big Body Beautiful invited me to write a guest post. And when I had a hypnotherapy session recently where I worked on body image, one of the first things that popped into my head was that I’d love to share my experience with Liz and her readers. It was a deeply healing session that demonstrates why I love to work in hypnosis.

a rose

Liz is a happy co-creator with her lovely, round, and healthy body, a body that she’s spent the last 47 years getting to know and love deeply and profoundly. In her blog she chronicles her experience with learning to love her form, and inspires others to do the same. She writes, we are not victims of our bodies, but rather we create our physical form (and our entire life) with our thoughts, our emanations. It’s time for us to recognize the powerful role we play in life and body creation and accept our physical creation regardless of size, shape, fitness, weight, tone, etc. Why? For the betterment of all humankind, so we can find our way toward love. Anything less than love is less than us.

So, link on over to Big Body Beautiful and check out an amazing and very healing hypnotherapy session.

Posted in Energy Therapy, Holistic Healing, Hypnosis, Mental Illness, Spirituality, The Voyage | Tagged , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

The Darkness

And then there are the days that remind me that I am the mother of a son who deals with challenges. Challenges that people don’t see. Today was one of those days.*

My son had a very hard time settling down last night and didn’t get to sleep until after 11pm. When I went into his room this morning at 8am and woke him up, he was not a happy camper. He was all out of sorts. The first thing that entered his mind was that he had not finished his required reading (that he’d had more than enough time and reminders to do) the previous night. And this set off a chain of anxiety.

From not being fully prepared for the day, to being tired, and having some new post nasal drip, just to add to the mix, Little Man was ramping up to what would become the land of no return. That’s what I call it when some part of his brain floods other parts of his brain with whatever chemical it is that sets off the hamster wheel of anxiety. His brain messes with him.

He did manage to eat some breakfast. But after that, he retreated to the sofa to do more reading. This was about the time he was supposed to be getting dressed and heading out the door to catch the bus. Then he became an immovable object.

Not wanting a battle, I decided that I would drive him to school, thus giving him an extra 20 minutes to get his ass in gear done whatever would be done before we left. At T minus 5 minutes I asked Little Man to get dressed, and he wouldn’t budge. Tick, tick, tick. Finally at about T plus 15 minutes, he put on some clothes. Tick, tick, tick. Here it came; the incessant ramblings and whining about how hard it is to be at school and how the only time he feels ok is at recess and they’ve been taking away recess lately because of kids’ talking and it’s torture being in class and no one understands him and, and, and (tears).

I told him there was no way in hell he was staying home today and that he needed to get in the car. He asked for some time to pull himself together. Tick, tick, tick. School had just begun by this point. Tick, tick, tick. I went out to warm up the car. When there was no sign of Little Man, I came back inside to find him sitting on the toilet, looking miserable.

When he was finally finished, I waited for him to get his shoes on. More moaning, whining, kvetching about how hard it is to be at school, and that his teacher spends every day yelling at the kids. I told him that we needed to go, and by this point he needed a handful of tissues to dry his eyes and blow his nose.

Finally, I got him into the car, and we sat in the driveway for a while. Then, with a still stressed out, anxiety riddled, crying child, I drove to school. We sat in the school parking lot. He asked for a few minutes to try to get himself together so he wouldn’t look like he’d been crying for the past hour and a half (which he had). The whining ramped up again. I knew the longer I gave him, the worse it would get, so I grabbed an umbrella and ordered him out of the car. Of course, this had to happen during a freaking downpour.

I signed him in exactly one hour into the school day, and walked out of the office a wrung out, stressed out, mess. At times like this, the darkness comes. Driving off, I decided to run an errand. In hind sight, the guinea pig’s hay could have waited until after I had a nap.

Tootling down our country roads between 40 and 50 mph, visions of wrapping the car around a tree or careening off into a deep ditch, filled my head. It would be so easy to end the torture. So easy to do something, anything that would make it so I wouldn’t have to deal with that kid and his difficulties; even if it meant injuring myself or worse. I had definitely entered the darkness.

My errands were spent in a fog of depression. When I got home, after more fantasies of driving off the highway into oblivion, it was all I could do to stoke the wood stove and flop into the recliner.

So, just what the hell was really going on? I called a trusted, dear, psychic friend to get some clarity. This is what a good psychic reading does: gives you clarity into what’s really going on in a situation. That’s where the name clairvoyance comes from. Clear seeing.

Over the past month, I’ve been having regular hypnotherapy sessions and recently added working with a medical intuitive. The goal of seeing these people is my personal healing. It’s clearing out old emotions that had become trapped within me. Over time, these can develop into disease. I’m retrieving bits of my soul that were cut off when I was little. I’m changing beliefs that are not serving me any longer, keeping excess weight with me.

With all of this energy work, I am literally releasing things like sadness and anger from my physical body. My friend explained to me that because Little Man is so exquisitely sensitive to energy, he picks up on this sadness and anger and doesn’t even know it. And what happens to people who are this sensitive, when energy that isn’t theirs hits their body, is often anxiety. The brain doesn’t know what to do with it. If any of you are fans of the Long Island Medium, Theresa Caputo, when the energy of other spirits tried to get her attention, before she understood what was going on, she would have terrible anxiety attacks. There were some more things going on energetically that caused Little Man’s upset, as well. (Not going to go into detail here- it would require another entire post to fully explain it).

I recognized that my dark mood although very uncomfortable, was temporary. And by the end of the next day, I was back to my usual self. I have learned that one of the side effects of doing energy work where I am releasing old, uncomfortable crap, can be irritability and moodiness. (That, and zits). When coupled with a son who is reacting badly to the energy leaving me, it can make for one rough day.

The beauty in all of this is that I’m doing my work. I’m shedding old, stuck, ugly, detrimental energy patterns that, if left alone, would almost certainly end up as a cancer in my body (considering how much cancer is rampant in my family),  or heart disease, or some other illness. I am learning about myself. And I am healing my body and my soul, quite literally.

*I began writing this piece, this past Wednesday.

Posted in Energy Therapy, Sensory Processing Disorder, The Voyage | Tagged , , , , , | 16 Comments

Uncovering a Mystery

Lately, I’ve noticed that there are times when I’m quietly relaxing, I’m not hungry, and yet there is an underlying feeling of agitation and unease. Nothing quiets this feeling but food. I can’t wait it out or distract myself from it. I’ve tried many times. This is what I imagine any addict feels when they need their fix, no matter what the subject of the addiction is. They get an agitation, something they can’t identify, and nothing will scratch that itch except what they’re addicted to.

I am using hypnosis to figure out what’s really going on. What is this irritating feeling that pops up from time to time, especially when I’m quiet and not distracted by a busy life? Because I can’t identify this feeling or figure out where it’s coming from, it’s a no-brainer that it’s in my subconscious, trying to pop up. Hypnosis is a great tool for easily connecting to the subconscious.

While deeply relaxed in hypnosis, I tune into the feeling of unease and discomfort and what comes is the feeling that everything is too quiet and calm; that my mother will lash out at me at any moment, without warning. I feel jumpy. She’ll take out her anger and craziness on me with her vicious tongue, again. I am four years old.

I am instructed to go back in time to the first time I felt this same way. I am two years old. My mother is yelling at me. Her energy is so big it cuts right through me, causing my solar plexus and gut to tighten into a ball. All I want to do is curl up in the fetal position and disappear. I realized that my body is extremely sensitive to energy. I can feel people’s emotions wafting off their body. My sensors are my solar plexus and my gut.

In a flash I recognize that when I am eating is about the only time that my tummy doesn’t overload on sensing other people, because it’s busy digesting food. This time that I am dining is a respite and a break for my tummy antenna. Food is my friend. It helps keep me sane.

My hypnotherapist has the adult me come into the scene with each of my younger selves.  Adult me talks to each of the younger me’s and shares her wisdom with each of them. Both times the wisdom is the same: that your mother is mentally ill and that when she yells at you it is not because of anything you have done. You are not bad. It’s not about you. She is not entirely in control of her emotions and uses you as her verbal battering ram. You are a perfect, beautiful little girl. There is nothing wrong with you. You are an exquisitely sensitive and very smart girl. Then big me gave little me a big hug.

After receiving hugs, love, and wisdom, each of the younger versions of me instantly became happy and light. The two-year old danced around and the four-year old was happy and instantly wanted to go play with her dolls.

Then we moved forward to when I was twelve. Some more shit went down. This time with a different family member. After sharing my adult wisdom with my twelve-year-old self, instead of being all happy-go-lucky like the young ones, this time I was totally pissed off and felt completely ripped off; like life fucked me over in the drive thru. At that time in my life, I could barely even be angry because of all of the dysfunction going on around me and because I had absolutely no personal boundaries. To be able to bring up this anger and let it out was a very big deal and a positive step forward.

Almost a week has passed since I began writing this post, and I had 2 or 3 days of being really irritable and ticked off. It’s a process. Also, whatever layer of crap was removed allowed for another layer of crap to float up, wanting to be examined and dealt with. And this is why I do a series of hypnosis sessions. Today I’ll be looking at more old repressed stuff that needs to go.

Posted in Holistic Healing, Hypnosis | Tagged , , , , , | 22 Comments

Another Piece of the Puzzle That Is My Son

Little Man is quite the complex puzzle of a kid. But then again, I suppose most kids are at least a little bit of a puzzle. Well, this one is what some people call an alphabet kid: he wears a handful of diagnoses with all sorts  of letters, like SPD, ADHD, dyslexia, and anxiety.

He’s been growing up and is definitely in those tween years (he’s firmly into his eleventh year now) where his interests are less with his parents and more with his friends (as it should be). And school is still his least favorite place to be.

But, so far this year, Little Man has been having his best year in terms of being able to get off to school and deal with his time there, that he’s had since kindergarten… until last week. He came down with a nasty cold just before last weekend and missed that Friday’s school. When Monday came around, he had slept so poorly the night before that I let him crawl back in bed, missing Monday’s school. There is something about when he’s severely congested that makes paying attention in school and having to process everything around him, very difficult.

Tuesday was only a half day, so Little Man went off to school with no issues. But, when Wednesday came around, the shit hit the fan. Crying and whining and “I’m so tired” and everything came out of that boy. He was far enough in his cold and had already gone back to school so I couldn’t figure out what the big flack was about. Then, something he said about the class’s upcoming Valentine’s party hit home. It dawned on me what was probably going on.

Little Man’s teacher has a limited set of tools that she uses to try to keep her classroom quiet. She either yells or uses threats such as reducing or taking away recess or privileges such as class parties. The problem with all of these tools is that they really bother Little Man a lot. I mean a huge, big-time lot. (And they are a short-term fix that doesn’t really work).

This kid is so exquisitely sensitive that he can’t stand to be yelled at. And when his class is being reprimanded for something he might not have done himself, he takes it very personally. When this sort of blanket punishment tool is used, the kids who do not talk are not singled out; they get punished too, like it or not. And he has no control over losing recess when the kids who can’t keep their mouths shut are having a gabby day. Recess for him is a physical and emotional necessity. He can get into a helpless and hopeless cycle that really brings him down.

What clicked in my brain was when Little Man was telling me that the teacher had written the words Valentine’s Day on the board in the classroom. Each time the class got too noisy, she’d erase a letter. When all letters were gone, the kids would lose their Valentine’s Day party. By two days before the party, all letters had been erased. However, the kids could do things to earn back letters. Sound like a good system, right?

Well, the problem is, Little Man knew this was just a way of trying to manipulate the class’s behavior, and no matter how they behaved, they’d earn back the party. He knew that the party would happen, despite all sorts of threats. And for the days leading up to the party the class would be a rollercoaster of emotions as they earned back and lost letters. He sees right through his teacher’s tactics and all it does is piss him off and make him depressed in his powerlessness.

And this is why he didn’t want to go to school on Wednesday. I made him go anyway. He was so pissed; but he survived.

Posted in Random, Sensory Processing Disorder, The Voyage | Tagged , , , , , , , | 14 Comments

Falling Apart Or Rebuilding? TMI

Lately, I’ve been having some health challenges that lead me to wonder if I’m falling apart. After last summer’s broken foot, it became apparent that I have arthritis in both my knees, because after losing muscle tone in both legs and doing physical therapy to regain strength, my knees have been calling out to me – and not in good ways. After an x-ray on one knee, the meniscus (the cushion between the bones) showed up as torn, and that’s also when the doctor saw that pesky arthritis.

So, my wonderful physical therapist adjusted our plan of attack to strengthen the muscles that support the knee. And over the past few months my knees have been getting happier and happier.

Exhaustion has been a regular part of my life, and I brought it up to my doc (again). We had talked about this last spring and had planned to do a sleep study just when I broke my foot. So, 2 weeks ago, I did the sleep study and found out that I stop breathing about 76 times an hour throughout the night. Basically, my sleep is crap which is why I’m always tired. Any day now I’ll be getting my C-pap machine. Can’t wait!!

Then, about 2 months ago, I had some gastrointestinal distress. I thought it was because of some energy work I was doing, so I brushed it off. But it kept coming and going, and coming back again and again. Over the past 3-4 weeks it got worse, with ever-increasing trots (shits). I finally went to my doctor, and we did some tests with negative results. After that visit, things got even worse, and I could feel that my insides (and outsides) were getting pretty inflamed.

I wondered if the culprit was something I was eating, so we did a blood draw for a food sensitivity test (that I did 2 1/2 years ago, with positive results). I haven’t got those results yet, but I remembered one food that showed up on my previous test as slightly affecting me, but not enough to be considered a sensitivity. That food was eggs. I’ve been eating them just fine, but I stopped eating them just to see if it made a difference. Within 48 hours it was obvious that eggs were the culprit. It’s only been five days since I cut out eggs, but my system is worlds happier.

So, I was on my way to feeling good again when 3 days ago I threw out my back. Fortunately it’s just a muscle spasm and I haven’t totally destroyed the disc that I herniated 5 years ago. But it’s a big muscle and it’s damned miserable; spreading that misery down both legs.

And yesterday when I was walking very slowly around a store, all of a sudden one of my knees started to hurt. The one without the torn meniscus. WTF?? I was just walking slowly, gazing upon beautiful papers, and “Ouch!” As the day went on, my knee hurt more and more.

I swear, I am freaking falling apart. I can’t eat dairy or eggs. My back is a mess, as are my knees. And my sleep is crap. Welcome to the very late 40′s.

I got to thinking about how I seem to be falling apart, and then I wondered, what if I’m just rebuilding? I’ve read that the extra DNA that scientists like to call junk DNA is now activating. What if my body is becoming sensitive to certain foods to force me to change what I eat? To eat more healthfully? What if I’ve had to recover from injury to remind me that I have this physical body with all sorts of muscles that need to stay strong? And all of the regular physical therapy is to get me into a regular routine of getting back in touch with these muscles that need to be used more than just once in a blue moon. What if all of this breaking down is a ploy to get me back in shape?

I have definitely noticed that not being able to walk or pick up a stick of firewood has made me appreciate my body for when it could jog 3 miles and lift a 32 gallon trash can half filled with ice cubes. It has made me long for that strong, flexible body that I know I can have again in time.

So, am I falling apart or merely rebuilding? I choose the latter. I am very much aware that our bodies were originally designed to work perfectly, and are self-healing. It might take time, but I know I’ll get there eventually.

Posted in Holistic Healing, Spirituality, The Voyage | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 10 Comments

A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To Helping My Son

mariner2mother:

In answer to candidkay’s [http://candidkay.com/] question of what made me wake up spiritually, I am reblogging this article I wrote about 2 1/2 years ago. It describes what happened.

Originally posted on Life Is A Journey... Not A Guided Tour:

For the past several months, I’ve been trying to figure out what’s been going on with me. Actually, it’s been five months. To back up just a bit, last March, I was having a more than difficult time with my son and his issues and anxieties about school. I had also connected with a wonderful blogger whose son has sensory processing disorder, as does mine. She mentioned using Reiki on him to help him calm down and to be able to fall asleep. Since sleep has always been an issue for my son, and his anxieties rolling around his head at night can wreak havoc with any attempts at sleep, I found a local Reiki class.

I really enjoyed the class, and our Reiki Master sent us away with the comment that, “This is just the beginning of a journey.” (When a practitioner gives Reiki, they allow energy from the universal source…

View original 829 more words

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Year’s End

Do you ever think that things like the beginning or end of the year are only that because our calendar tells us they are? To some person who lives in the wild, who lives by the sun and phases of the moon, they probably see life in cycles that are monthly, following the moon.

But here we are, at the end of our current calendar and people are looking back over the past year, and making promises to themselves regarding the coming year. I wonder how it would go if our calendar were half as long; the equivalent of our six months. We would celebrate New Year’s twice as often! Party on!! We would sit back, contemplate and evaluate our lives twice as often. Or if our calendar were five of our current years long; we would have one hell of a huge party then!

But what if we didn’t look at our calendar as having a beginning or an end? What if every day were like the next, with no big fanfare wrought upon one day in particular. What then? Would we all still smoke, not exercise enough, be mean and bitchy towards each other?

I’ve begun to see my life as before and after spiritually waking up. Since it happened, about 3 years ago, I’ve developed a habit of always looking for the higher meaning of things that happen in my life that suck (like when Mom killed herself, and when I broke my foot). Sometimes I can see the truth of a situation by meditating on it or using some of the clairvoyant skills I’ve learned. After all, seeing something clairvoyantly means to see the real truth of it. And sometimes I rely on skills of clairvoyants who have more experience and training than I.

When I meditate, I'm usually sitting on the edge of my bed, in my somewhat messy bedroom (hiding from my family). Photo from Google Images.

When I meditate, I’m usually sitting on the edge of my bed, in my somewhat messy bedroom (hiding from my family). Photo from Google Images.

I’ve also discovered ways to grow, such as when something irritates me, bothers me, brings out the Mama Bear in me, it’s usually because there is something in me that needs to be examined. I don’t just sit back and say, “I’m stressed! Where’s the wine and chocolate? I need a bubble bath.” Constant stress just means you aren’t dealing with your shit.

Case in point, I used to get really frustrated when I would explain simple math concepts to my son and he would sort of understand them some days, and other days, he acted like I was speaking Greek. I would break things down as simply as I could, and he’d still not understand. My frustration would increase until I’d come to a boil and give up, fuming. Not cool, Mom.

After my doing an exercise, looking beneath my frustration and then looking beneath the next feeling that would pop up, and on and on, I came to the core belief that when my son was struggling, I believed that I was failing and was not ok myself. I had tied my own self-worth to my son’s ability or inability to grasp math. In truth, with the way his brain is wired, late in the day, there is no way in hell he grasps new or difficult math concepts, no matter who is working with him. It has NOTHING to do with me. And that is so freeing!

Nowadays, in the same situation, I realize that my son’s brain has left the building and we put away that worksheet until morning, when we give it another try. Sometimes, in the light of a new day, with rested brain, things will click, and math will happen. Other days, I send the sheet back to school with a note saying that he tried and it wasn’t clicking.

So why the stories? I don’t necessarily look back over the past year and review it, but for me, it’s more like looking at how I have changed since “waking up.” Since having my consciousness seriously raised, educated, and changed forever. Will I make resolutions to lose weight, exercise more, be kinder to everyone around me? I probably won’t lose weight until I have healed why my extra weight needs to be with me. So no, I won’t be joining Weight Watchers (again) this January.

As for being kind, as I dig into my own crap, look at it when it comes up, figure out what’s going on and heal it, my heart opens more and becomes filled with more peace on a daily basis. When I feel better inside, I treat everyone and everything outside of me better and with more kindness. (And that is a huge lesson that I wish everyone would understand- world peace begins inside your heart).

With a final thought for 2013 (what the heck), I will continue to do my work, to examine my inner demons and de-stress from the inside out. I will heal energy patterns that I have inherited unknowingly from my parents (no cancer coming to me, thank you very much), and behavior patterns that I learned as a young child (the ones that aren’t so nice). And I will share as I learn, because it’s what I do.

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year!

May everyone learn and grow in 2014!

Posted in Holistic Healing, Mental Illness, Sensory Processing Disorder, Spirituality, The Voyage | Tagged , , , , , , , | 12 Comments

What a Diffference a Year Makes

No, this won’t be a year-in-review type post. Just remembering where I was, what I was doing a year ago today, Christmas Eve. I was here at my home, living in a blur world.

My mother’s in-home caregiver had called me hours earlier, telling me that she thought my Mom was dead. I had just gotten home from the grocery store, and had opened the rear hatch of my car when the cell phone in my pocket rang. I sat on the rear bumper of my car, crying, as my husband drove in, returning home from a night shift. While I was on the phone with the caregiver, the fire department showed up at Mom’s house. A paramedic went upstairs to check Mom’s body while I waited on the phone.

Then came the confirmation: yes, for sure, Mom was dead. Next came the shock: she had left a note behind, mentioning that she was now in a better place. My world stopped.

Yes, life with Mom was at times a challenge. But we also had our good times as well. For all the difficulties, when your mom dies, it puts your knees to the dirt. I could barely think about Christmas. I don’t even remember wrapping presents that night or opening them the next day.

I remember calling my brothers, sharing the bad news. Hours later I spoke with my older brother and asked him what his travel plans were; assuming that he was going to fly to our parents’ house to deal with Mom’s body and everything else that needed to be dealt with in the immediacy. There seemed to be some major disconnect in his brain because he didn’t see the need to hurry and take care of things. He seemed to mention something about the home caregiver doing this or that. Not her j-o-b! Her job just ended.

blue christmas light

So, I spent Christmas Day trying to be at least the tiniest bit present for my son. I hopped onto the computer to find a flight across country, and found a red-eye the day after Christmas.

The next few days, I was a zombie. Having buried Dad only 10 months earlier, I called the same funeral home and dealt with the same, kind, people.

Mom’s body was taken by the state’s medical examiner because her death was not run of the mill. I had to sign paperwork so the funeral home could take custody of Mom’s body. Then I went through all of the paperwork with the funeral home.

At the same time, there were 2 seven-year old cats who needed new homes. With my husband allergic, our taking them was not an option. After trying to contact a slew of no-kill shelters, and dealing with one certified whack job, I “lucked out” and found out about a shelter who was about to hold an adoption weekend event; and they hoped to have room for the cats after the weekend. As it ended up, a family friend was able to take one of the cats, and the shelter took the other (who was adopted within 2 weeks).

christmas lights

So, after a whirlwind trip dealing with Mom, the funeral home, and the cats, my time had run out and I needed to return home for my husband to return to work on time. Zombie state was moving out for grief to fully move in for a while.

A year later, the grief has done a fairly good job of moving through. Once in a while it comes back, but fortunately doesn’t stay too long. It’s been here and there today, visiting and then moving through. And from where I sit, that’s what it’s all about: moving through. It’s perfectly ok to be sad, to cry, to grieve, as long as it can keep moving through.

Posted in Mental Illness, Spirituality, The Voyage | Tagged , , , , , | 19 Comments

I Think I Bit Off More Than I Can Chew!

I noticed that lately, I haven’t felt the burning desire to run to my computer and write out my “stuff.” Things on the outside seem much the same, and to tell the truth, a bit boring to write about. But inside I am moving and changing so much that by the time I get around to putting it down, I’ve changed again.

So, quickly, what does the boring on the outside look like? Weekly physical therapy and acupuncture visits to continue to help heal my broken foot and torn and surgically repaired tendon where that foot broke. And now I’m dealing with a torn meniscus and arthritis in my knee of the other leg. I plug away and see a little bit of progress every week. The latest progress is really, truly, leaving crutches behind. Stairs are still a challenge, due to the knee; but I haven’t put so much as a crutch in my car in about 10 days.

Where a few weeks back, the though of having to go grocery shopping was something I deeply dreaded, because of having to walk around mega stores (we don’t have any small grocery stores around here anymore), I don’t totally dread that task any longer. But there are no marathon five store shopping trips. One or two and then home.

Progress, yes. But slow. And to me, boring. Although, come to think of it, I’m not living in constant pain any longer (just now and then). And that is big and not boring.

So, what else is going on that is not boring? I’ve been working on me again. Been digging in and figuring out what keeps popping its head up, wanting to be examined and dealt with. How do I know something is popping its head up? I keep feeling an emotion that is running on a hamster wheel. It keeps coming up, reacting, slamming me in the face again and again. You know, when someone talks about something and it pings on something inside you big time, and that ping sends out your lion to rip the person’s head off. Yeah, that.

Most recently I’ve been angry, very angry. It’s been an undercurrent in me and it likes to pop up now and then. I’ve been short fused with my demanding and challenging kid. And… you get the picture. I realized pretty quickly that this was coming up around a few family members that I grew up with, and the feeling was that they did me wrong when I was growing up (and they truly did). Then I realized that another layer of crud was surfacing and wanted to be healed. *Joy, oh joy* not.

The first thing I did, was make an appointment with my clairvoyant teacher. She has the tools to get down to brass tacks and see what’s really going on; and to effect healing. But before that appointment, I had a 3 day seminar to go to – last weekend. It was a Matrix Energetics seminar. Matrix Energetics is a consciousness technology that allows you to jump into the energy field all around us, and interact with it, making change.

Over the course of the weekend, I got an e-mail from a family member, and I was quite set off. I had read the message during our lunch break, and returning early from our break, found a fellow seminar participant who was willing to play around with what we had learned, and effect change in me. I asked her to see if she could unhook me from this anger. She worked on me for between five and ten minutes, and then we had to get back to the seminar. But I immediately noticed that I had calmed down quite a bit. And later on, I noticed that my anger at this person, even shifted to some compassion. Love it!

After my seminar ended and I left the immediate high energy environment, I noticed a huge drive in me to eat sweets and junk food (fast metabolizing carb type stuff). I hadn’t felt like this in a very long time. It was a bit disconcerting, but I knew that in a few days I would sit with my teacher to see what was going on.

So, just the other day, I got a reading from my teacher. The way she worked, was to look at my body’s main energy centers, chakras, and see if energy was moving as it should be. Energy that has stopped moving, or is stuck, is not a good thing. This is where disease happens; especially when the energy blockage is very old or severe. She saw red energy, denoting anger, moving through me fairly well, except in one area specifically: my throat. The chakra that is at your throat relates to your ability to speak your truth and it also relates to creativity (hey! Maybe that’s why I couldn’t write! Yes, writer’s block is a throat chakra issue, usually.). The energy there appeared to be red, but also a very dark color, signifying a block that was pretty significant or that had been there a long time (I forget the exact detail). She went to work, clearing that chakra so energy could flow through it again.

Another chakra that stood out as not being hunky dory, was my seventh, or crown chakra. It’s located right on the top of your head, and represents spiritual knowing and truth. Having my seventh chakra all happy allows me to connect to spirituality and know my truth. When my teacher looked into what was going on, she kept seeing a rope. And the rope signified being roped into something. She got the message that even though I was a willing participant in my life lessons [we make agreements with others to come into life playing certain rolls in order to learn life lessons] , I didn’t know how damaging some of the things I agreed to would actually be for me once I entered this physical meat-suit of a body.

When you are not in the physical, when you are just a body of light, and you look at what you want to accomplish during your next physical life, everything seems so easy. Have a bipolar mother: no problem! Bring it on! Easy peasey! Have others who prey on you and treat you badly: no sweat! I’ll be able to get over it in no time and learn forgiveness and compassion! Bring it on! In fact, make me extra sensitive so it will all hurt just that much more be more of a challenge. And make me forget what an amazing and perfect Christened child of God I am, so the despair can amp up even more. Bring it all on!! I want to learn and grow a lot this lifetime.

So, in some cases, I might have bit off more than I could chew. And in another, there was a past life situation that I felt some responsibility about, and guilt brought me to the table, where I agreed to participate in a certain dynamic that would be very unpleasant for me this time around. The purpose was to see if I could walk through all of the shit and pain and move into a place of forgiveness and compassion.

And I’m getting there, layer by layer, bit by bit. The first step was to be able to move out of feeling like a victim. We are never a victim, no matter what a situation looks like (yes, even babies who agree to take on cancer are not victims at the soul level). We agreed to participate in situations on a higher level for the purpose of our soul’s evolution. It’s about evolving at the soul level and experiencing life.

So, my teacher did some healing on my crown chakra, and checked my other chakras, making sure they were clear and that things were moving through nicely (think of traffic moving along city streets nicely vs. an accident that snarls traffic). As I left her office, the first thing I noticed was feeling lighter; lighter in spirit.

And within hours I noticed that my out of control munchies and sugar cravings were gone. Ahhh. Since then, my writer’s block seems to be gone, my patience with my son is miles longer, and I have a lot of peace in my heart. This is what a good psychic reading/ healing will do for you.

As for the though that I might have bit off more than I can chew, I’m a smart, tough bitch and I’m working my way through it all.

Posted in Energy Therapy, Holistic Healing, Mental Illness, Spirituality | Tagged , , , , | 13 Comments

Because of My Son: Happy Birthday Little Man

Because of my son, I know what it is to have an unexpected, unplanned, scary C-section. To save my baby’s life.

Because of my son, I know what it is to lie on an operating room table, hearing a squeak that I initially thought was a mouse and realizing it was actually my baby trying to cry. And that instant, I know what it is to have a comforting feeling wash over me as I am filled with an unshakable knowing that this newly delivered, distressed preemie will be okay.

Because of my son, I know what it is to discover that your perfect, but very active little boy is not “normal.” At least, according to the medical establishment, he is not normal.

Because of my son, I know what it feels like to have a child that is labeled this and that and then some more things by the medical establishment. I know what it is to have an alphabet child (SPD, LD, ADHD, etc.).

Because of my son, I know what it is to deal with more discontent and meltdowns that I ever thought I’d have to deal with, or that I ever thought I’d be able to deal with.

Because of my son, I know that you can raise a respectful, responsible and very capable child without spanking, threatening, punishing, blaming or shaming them.

Because of my son, I know the amazing restorative powers in a good cry and a nap.

Because of my son, I learned to listen to that little voice in the back of my mind.

Because of my son, I followed the path less traveled.

Because of my son, in effort to help him, I have opened doors that have helped me (and him) more than I would have ever dreamed.

Because of my son, I have learned that the medical establishment is a great resource, but does not know all. There is much they have to learn about so many things. And Energy Medicine is the future.

Because of my son, I had a spiritual awakening that has forever changed my life.

Because of my son, I have experienced miracles and know that anyone can create them.

Because of my son, I now see what an amazing and talented person he is, and what an advanced soul he is.

Because of my son, I know that you can expect to have your life go a certain way, and it most definitely will NOT follow your dreams. I know that it will be so much better.

Because of my son, I see that my real journey in life has just begun.

Happy Eleventh Birthday Little Man. Thank you for coming into my life.

Posted in Holistic Healing, Sensory Processing Disorder, Spirituality, The Voyage | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 15 Comments